HOME Matters Of Opinion

Various opinions were aired on last night's "Breaking Point" program on Soaptown's Local TV station, in an attempt to resolve the recent furore over the use of Fairy land as the town's new landfill dump.   On the "Pro" side, Councillor Precise Pedant repeated that the dumping was legal according to the laws of the land, and he did not see that the fairies had a wing to fly with. The fairies actions of magically transporting waste from the dump to the council offices and various official buildings in the town, he described as "unlawful and malicious". He also accused the fairies of causing a dangerous health hazard by transporting rats along with the waste.   (In connection with the above, there is a belief, current among Soaptown's citizens, that the council have made unspecified concessions to the paramilitary cat gang, Hell's Felines, and specifically to their leader, Slinker Midnight, for eradication of the rats. Matters have been complicated by a claim from local TD, Wilfred, the white mouse, that this is an attempt at genocide against the rodent residents of Soaptown. He warned that he would be bringing up the proposed "ethnic cleansing" at the next session of the Dáil and promised that the matter would be brought all the way to the European Court, if necessary.)   On the show's panel, representing the fairies was pixie lawyer, Deathly Nightshade, who said that relations between fairies and humans had been one long catalogue of broken agreements. He maintained that it took two parties to make an agreement, but only one human to break it. He said that the Waste Disposal Act of 1977 should not have been made without consultations between all parties likely to be affected. In the absence of such consultations, he felt the original agreement between fairies and humans of 1023 BC still stood and should be adhered to.   Mr Pedant said that since the fairies were only a figment of the human imagination, they could not possibly have any rights in the real world.   Mr Nightshade said that remained to be seen. Anything that was a part of a human - even a figment of said human's imagination - had a part to play in the real world, and if humans had any respect for themselves, they had to respect that.   He was supported by a stereotype in the audience, who said that he was sick of being used by humans as an excuse for their own greed and stupidity. As an officially designated work-shy idler, he was being blamed for every economic crisis that occurred, while the true bloodsuckers were those further up the financial scale. A stereotyped Fat Cat in the audience objected to the implications of the Work-Shy Idler and the Show's host, Barry Banal, was forced to intervene to steer the show back to its original topic.   A show of hands by the audience seemed to show a balance in favour of Councillor Pedant, before an incantation by Lawyer Nightshade resulted in all the audience voting for the fairies with both hands. The outcome of the real issue remains uncertain.