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A Novel Novel |
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A strange new novel has been launched on the heads of the unsuspecting and mystified public. The actual plot is unknown and more than half of the population cannot read it, for Hwl is written entirely in mobile phone slang. The author, James Jingo, or Jms Jgo as his name appears on the cover, is confident that soon all writing will appear in this form. The publisher, Poodle Press (imprint: Pdl Prs), is equally enthusiastic. Says Norman Nutcase (Nrm Ntcs), owner of the firm, "You could say that it is the first ecologically aware novel, in that with fewer pages needed for the printing, fewer trees need to be cut down. The novel contains some one hundred thousand words, but only fifty pages. Another advantage is the saving in production costs of paper and ink. It will also speed up reading. Once people get used to it, a novel that now takes days to read, can be read in half an hour." He sees great possibilities for books of a factual or technical nature. But, surely, a great many people will be unable to read the book at all, since they are not literate at mobile phone slang? "I can see the older population gradually opting for the filmed version of books, while the younger generation, already accustomed to sending letters in mobile phone slang, will not find it difficult to read books in their new, abbreviated word form." Is there a danger, perhaps, that people may eventually begin to use this abbreviated form of words in ordinary conversation? "I don't know why you describe it as a danger. I would look upon it as a natural form of evolution. Many people have for years indulged in monosyllable talk, particularly sports commentators. And a lot of married people communicate by a change of inflection in the tone of their grunts. Just think of the advantages - a political speech that cannot last more than ten minutes, unless the politician repeats himself - Andy O'Mahony's 'Course Of Irish History' (remember all those excruciating Sunday afternoons in one-channel world) compressed into half an hour. Lectures, by and large, will hardly be of twenty minutes duration. It will be a boon for those with a short attention span." Yes, the advantages begin to multiply. Less oxygen will be used up. And since most people - politicians excluded - cannot talk forever, less noise pollution, more quietness. Yes, indeed, Hwl, may be the start of more than just a fad. It may change the course of evolution on this old planet of ours. |