HOME Mad Ghost's Perversity

Last night the occupants of Rocky Mews flats left their homes in terror, as pressure was brought to bear on the ghost of Dara McDaid to vacate flat 1C. The pandemonium that ensued was described by some of the tenants as resembling a drunken party, gate crashed by terrorists. This reporter was present for the event.   The evening started off with a seance organised by The Poets Spiral, under the mediumship of Madame Shamsky, the well-known spiritualist. Ficara O'Ferrule came prepared with a ream of paper and twenty biros. He expressed his confidence that McDaid's ghost was trying to communicate not only poems hitherto unpublished, but many that had been composed since the poet passed over. He already has a contract with a publisher to edit the volume, which will be titled "Poems From The Far Side."   We all sat in a circle, holding hands and the lights were dimmed. Madame Shamsky started to moan and this was greeted by ribald laughter that appeared to come from thin air above the medium's head.   Madam Shamsky asked if there was anybody there. A rough voice answered, Of course there was, and advised her to stop stalling and get on with her business.   Madame Shamsky asked the entity its name. With a shriek of what can only be described as manic laughter, the entity said its name was Dara McDaid.   Madame Shamsky asked if it had anything to communicate. The ghost replied that it wished to be left in peace and for the people who were living in its home at present and bothering it, to go to hell.   Madame Shamsky asked the spirit if it was aware that it had passed on. With many imprecations, the spirit said that it did, and what had that to do with the matter.   Madame Shamsky next asked if the spirit had anything to say to Mr O'Ferrule. The spirit said that Mr O'Ferrule was a (host of descriptive names that, cannot be printed in a family newspaper).   Mr O'Ferrule interposed directly here and asked if the spirit had any hitherto unpublished verses about it. The spirit replied with a foul limerick that cast aspersions on Mr O'Ferrule's ancestry, and added that Mr O'Ferrule was the last person to whom it would trust its compositions. Mr O'Ferrule said that the publishers were prepared to pay handsomely for the proposed volume and that, perhaps, the said publishers might be persuaded to buy the flat for the spirit's sole use.   At this point there was a silence that made us think that Madame Shamsky had lost contact. Then Madame Shamsky moaned that the spirit was thinking it over. Then she groaned that the spirit needed more time to think it over and would contact her again at the same time next week. Then a smell, reminiscent of a distillery, filled the flat and Madame Shamsky said the spirit had withdrawn.   The DoLlars said that they were dissatisfied with the way things had gone and refused Madame Shamsky permission to hold another seance. They said they would be looking at other ways of dealing with the problem, but would not reveal what those were.