HOME Talk-Off

The revolutionary talk-powered space craft, Chapter 1, was launched yesterday from the back yard of Soaptown Space Agency's offices on Leftover Street. Graspus Caligula, chairman of the UDC and several other members of the council attended the historic event.   As the chunky space craft rose silently into the air and vanished into the ash-coloured clouds, Dr Smallbrain, director of the agency, said that this was a great day for the world. Professor Southclaw, Chief Engineer, who seemed rather red in the face, said, "Today, the world, tomorrow the universe," but refused to elaborate.   In the control room, the PRO for the agency, Ali Kazam invited questions from the press, but could not, however, guarantee answers.  He insisted that the politician who was talking the space craft, Varey Verbose, was only being paid a nominal wage for the job. He was a man of high moral principles, who was performing the job as a service to mankind. The fact that he had lost the last three elections he had contested and had lately been evicted from his party, had nothing to do with it, Mr Kazam insisted. It was an insult to the man to suggest that it was merely a vote-gathering exercise.   On the subject of financing the project, Mr Kazam was vague, mentioning a legacy left to him by an aunt and the sale of some of Professor Southclaw's patents, as well as the contents of Dr Smallbrain's savings book. He denied that any of the money had come from the unfortunate Intelligent Furniture project, which had declared itself bankrupt, owing money to a large amount of customers. He challenged anyone to prove this claim. Professor Southclaw, with a .22 caliber rifle metamorphosing in his claw, also challenged anyone to prove the claim.   While listening in to the engine noise of Mr Verbose talking randomly, one of the reporters from a national newspaper went into a coma and had to be taken to Soaptown General Hospital, where his condition was said to be stable. Several other journalists reported migraines or mild headaches, and this reporter experienced slight dizziness. Mr Kazam said that the agency was fully aware of the danger from listening to undiluted drivel, even over a short period of time. To this end, a soundproof shield had been erected around the engine room and, although the talk could still be picked up on certain radio frequencies, communication with the space craft was mainly through the onboard computer. Mr Verbose, in his present state of politicization, could not be regarded as entirely human and responsible for his effects on other people.