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A new concept in household furnishing was launched last week in Soaptown, when Ali Kazam unveiled the world's first set of intelligent furniture. Developed jointly by Professor Southclaw and Dr Smallbrain, the furniture, Mr Kazam explained, is more than mere computer-controlled machinery. Professor Southclaw's own version of artificial intelligence drives the "brains" – the latest high-speed processors – in each piece of furniture.  This software causes the furniture to "adapt" to its owner's needs and evolve to meet changing circumstances. The bed, for example, dry cleans its own sheets, covers and pillowcases during the day and remakes itself for its human occupant. It can either read out a selection of short stories or play music of its owners choice to lull its occupant to sleep at night, and wake him in the morning in a variety of ways, including sliding him gently on to the floor.  The chair can be at the door to greet the weary worker returning from work and transport him straight to the dinner table, after which it would wheel him to the fireside or the television, adjusting its contours as he desired and providing him with all he might need in the line of pipes, cigarettes, or the newspaper, from panels cleverly concealed in its sides. Should he fall asleep in front of the fire or television, it can convert itself into a bed and tuck him in and, by communicating with the bed upstairs, awaken him at his usual time in the morning. For an extra £6000, there is a version available, which can climb the stairs and bring him to the bathroom and afterwards bring him back down to his breakfast, which the intelligent kitchen had been preparing in the meantime.  The Intelligent Table knows the manner in which he eats his meals. For example, for dinner, it can circulate to a position in front of him, each course of the meal, measure out the exact portion of gravy he desires, fill his glass with wine (or other beverages) and refill it until it reaches the exact amount he consumes.  At the demonstration, using models from the Virtual Life model agency, things did not go quite as smooth as the Professor and his associates would have desired.  The Intelligent chair rammed the model's legs up against the leg of the Intelligent Table, causing (it was learned later), compound fractures, and the Intelligent Table poured wine over the potatoes and filled the wine glass with gravy. The Professor dismissed the setbacks as mere "glitches", and promised that the Intelligent Furniture would be working perfectly by its release date of tomorrow.