HOME Travel By Pothole

During the annual Pothole Festival held in Soaptown, the astonishing claim was made that potholes may have a part to play in cheap intercontinental travel of the future. Dr Smallbrain, from the Department Of Impossible Ideas, however, dismissed the idea that interstellar travel may one day be possible by the enlargement of potholes until they become black holes. "Potholes are created by taking matter out of them, while black holes are created by taking matter in. Filling potholes would create roads, not black holes," he said.  However, intercontinental travel by pothole is very possible, although beyond present technological expertise. Apparently, if two potholes were created on exact opposite sides of the earth, a lift-like enclosure could be dropped from one side and gravity would draw it towards the centre of the earth. At this point, its speed would push it against the pull of gravity, which would gradually slow it down until it reached the other side, where it would come to a stop and be held by a grappling mechanism. Then its passengers could disembark and a fresh set of passengers embark for the other side. Even where the opposing potholes were not exactly opposite each other, air jets could keep the container from touching the sides of the hole, and any loss of speed could be offset near the end of the journey, again, by the brief use of jets.  Dr Smallbrain was attending the Pothole Festival, now in its tenth year, and held for the first time in Soaptown, which can now claim the title of the Pothole Capital of the world. Its finest pothole, "Bottomless George", was officially named the Largest Pothole In The World, beating into second and third place, respectively, "The Hole Of No Return" from Albany in the USA and "Long Wide Sally" from Townsville in Australia. Chairman More-or-less, of the Urban Council, praised the "diligent inactivity" of the urban council workers, which first cause Bottomless George to be formed and grow. Soaptown, he said, was an example to other communities on how potholes should be cultivated. The pothole, at present, threatens to undermine the houses on both sides of its street. Chairman More-or-less has promised that the residents will be re-housed, so that Bottomless George can continue to grow.  Incidentally, Bottomless George takes its name from a tourist, George Lucky, who fell into the pothole ten years ago and whose body has never been recovered.