You know, I've been to the Year Gloamglozer
Not much has changed except you're wearing new undies
And your great great great Barkwater
Are you all right???

Isn't it just the greatest song in history??? Here's another one Calla made up:

Joy to the world!
The Lodds are dead.
We barbecued their heads!
What happened to Felix's chin?
We chucked it in the rubbish bin
And round and round it goes.
But now the bin won't close,
Oh the biiin won't close, the bin won't close!!!

Here's one that I (Nazafar) made up in bed last night:

Jingle bells,
Felix smells,
Varis flew away!
Fenbrus has a great big beard and
Never has a shave, hey!

Nazafar also made up these songs:

1. To be sung to the tune of Silent Night.
Hail, the Great Storm!
Hail, the Great Storm!
Worship it, this is our norm.
Heal the rock, and bring us power,
Strike at the eleventh hour,
Death to librarian scum,
Death to librarian scum!

2.
God rest ye weary travellers
Let nothing you dismay,
For Screed Toetaker has taken
All of your toes away!
To save us from the Gloamglozer's power
When we are lured away,
O, tidings of discomfort and pain........etc.

Calla also did her own version of that, fitting the words to the tune more smoothly (or at least she thinks so).
God rest ye weary travellers
Let nothing you dismay,
For Screed Toetaker has taken
All of your toes away!
To save us from the Gloamglozer
When we are led astray,
O, tidings of discomfort and pain........etc.

And I, Calla, made this up.

The Raging of Mother Horsefeather

You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
So give it to me!
Strong flatheads we bring,
To ensure we will win.
You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
So give it to me!

Now bring us some ground up stormphrax,
Now bring us some ground up stormphrax,
Now bring us some ground up stormphrax,
Don't hide up a tree!
Strong flatheads we bring,
To ensure we will win.
You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
So give it to me!

We won't go until we've got some,
We won't go until we've got some,
We won't go until we've got some,
By Sky don't you see?
Strong flatheads we bring,
To ensure we will win.
You DO have a lot of phraxdust,
So give it to me!

The Ballad of the Guardians of Night

The Most High Guardian looked out,
The rock demons were screeching.
Librarians lay round about,
They had not yet stopped breathing.
There had been no storm that night,
Though Midnight's Spike was waiting,
And when they saw such awful sights,
Librarian knights were fated.

"Hither, Xanth, and stand by me,
Whilst we interrogate him.
Librarian scum, who is he?
You have to learn to hate him."
"Orbix Xaxis, I don't know!
Who or what he may be;
Do not kill him: he may show,
Where the sewers may be."

"Bring me knights, and bring me wine,
Bring rock demons hither:
Thou and I will see them dine,
When you bear them thither."
Xanth Filatine onwards went,
On he went, regretful;
Thro' his anguished mind's lament
And Cowlquape's parting farewell.

"Guardians of Night are strong,
The wind does not blow stronger;
Fails my heart, I know not how,
I can go no longer."
"Mark my footsteps, well you may;
Tread thou in them boldly:
Thou shalt find the good Free Glades
Freeze thy blood less coldly."

To Lake Landing he did go,
Betraying librarian knights;
But he let repentance show
To good old Rook Barkwater.
Therefore, Guardians, be sure,
Wealth or rank possessing,
Ye who now will bless the poor,
Shall yourselves find blessing.

By Nazafar:

A Ceremonial Song

Wodgiss Night is coming,
The snowbirds are getting fat.
Please put some stormphrax
In the beggar man's hat!
If you haven't got stormphrax
Then how about a gold piece,
If you haven't got a gold piece
Then Sky bless you!

By Calla:

Never made it as a leaguesman,
Never cut it as a Freeglade Lancer.
Never made it as a 'pirate,
Never lived with the embarrassment after.

And this is how you remind me...etc.

Also by Nazafar:

Flitterwaify
(I'm working on it and I know it doesn't make much sense!)

Twas twilight and the silent waifs
Did murmur and whisper in the glade
All mimsy were the willow trees
As the sunlight did fade.

Beware the flitterwaifs, my son,
The jaws that bite, the claws that snare,
Beware the caterbird and shun,
The frumious banderbear.

He took his vorpal sword in hand,
Long time the illusive foes he sought,
So rested he by a willow tree
And stood a while in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The flitterwaifs with eyes of flame
Came swarming through the darkening wood,
And chattering as they came.

One, two! One, two! And through and through,
His vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He struck them dead and with their heads
He came galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the flitterwaifs?
Come to me, my beamish boy!
Oh frabjous day, callooh callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

Twas twilight and the silent waifs
Did murmur and whisper in the glade,
All mimsy were the willow trees
As the sunlight did fade.

Also by Nazafar:

Cowlquape's Song

At first I told myself,
I need my head inspected,
I notice little things,
Like on the Viaduct Steps
He's bossing me around,
He throws me to the ground
He hit's me on the head
I'm wishing I was dead!

Where ever I am he's always there,
He's always trying to pull my hair...,

And I'm beggin' you!

Somebody notice me,
Somebody notice!
I'm fading away here,
What have I gotta do to make you see,
I'm sitting in the library,
And no-
Body wants me!

He's dissing me and then
He slams me against the wall,
He hit's me with a club
Then just watches me fall.
He's taken all my pride
He's taken all my hope,
But I'm determined not to cry,
Hey, will someone please pass the soap?
(A group of cloudwatcher apprentices slowly shuffle away)

Where ever I am he's always there
He's always trying to pull my hair...etc.

Calla's Note: The person Cowlquape's talking about sounds a bit like Twig at the beginning of Midnight over Sanctaphrax!

Nazafar's Comment: I think Cowlquape is actually talking about being bullied back in old Sanctaphrax when he was a junior sub-acolyte and everyone hated him. Maybe he's talking about Vox!

Calla's Note: I meant BEFORE you changed it! Twig wouldn't hit Cowlquape on the head.....or would he?

Nazafar: Hmmm, you can't be too sure...

The Song of a Mad Slaughterer (by Calla)
Deck the halls with logworm skin,
Tra-lalalala, lala la la
Don't throw it in the rubbish bin,
Tra-lalalala, lala la la
Cook the eyes in tilder pies,
Tra-lala, tra-lala, tralala!
Deck the halls with logworm skin,
Tra-lalalala, lala la la.

O little town of Sanctaphrax,
How adeptly you lie.
Full of deceit and treachery,
And an apprentice's tale of pie(-bald rats)
But look! some kind of shooting star,
It is young Master Twig!
He's yonder in the Stone Gardens.
And safe from stray wig-wigs.

Song of the Whitecollar Woodwolves (by Nazafar)

There's a chill in the air,
(Chill in the air)
Suddenly there's a pair,
(Suddenly there's a pair)
Of yellow eyes,
(Yellow eyes!)
We're masters of disguise!
(Masters of disguise!)

We're out to get you
To capture you and kill you,
You're all ours!
Howling and prowling,
You're shivering, quivering,
You're all ours...

You cannot run,
And you cannot hide,
Yeah, you've gotta face it, kiddo
Things go bump in the ni-iight,
And wherever you run
And wherever you hide,
Yeah, you've gotta face it, kiddo,
Things go
Bump
Bump
Bump in the ni-ight!

Nazafar: I hardly had to change it at all!

I saw three ships come sailing in,
On Wodgiss Night, on Wodgiss Night,
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Wodgiss Night at midnight!

The Squint-Squint Song!

I insist that my name is Squintinius,
I insist that my name isn't Squint!

My name isn't Squint,
Oh, yes. Yes it is!
My name ISN'T Squint!
Oh, yes. YES IT IS!
Squint, Squint, Squint, Squint,
Squint, Squint, Squint.
That's not my name!
Yes it is, oh yeah!

That's not my name!
Yes it is!

Oh, oh, oh, noooo-ooooooo!
Squint is not my name!
If you wanna know what it is,
Just listen to what I'm saying....etc.

By Calla
I'm glad I crashed the skycraft
'Cause it's worse than Freeglade Lancers!
I can't be bothered to
Make up all the tune, so
I'm not going to sing it at all!!
(This one was made up very quickly, so most of the lines don't rhyme.)

I made this one up in a History lesson (as one does)
Song of the Ghost of a Roundhead Soldier

I fought in the battle when the war was begun
And I danced in the sword and the cannon and the gun,
I came up from my grave feeling bright and refreshed
The battlefield's where I'm at my best!

Fight then, wherever you may be!
For I am the Lord of the Duel, you see!
And I'll lead you all wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the duel, says me!

I fought in the New Model Army!
I've killed so many men
You would not believe,
I fought under Cromwell and Fairfax Tom,
They fought with me and the war went on!

Fight then, wherever you may be...

Calla made this bit up:
I fought with a sabre and a French epee,
But they would not die as far as I could see...

To be sung to the tune of the traditional song "Robin Hood and the Tanner":-
Captain Twig and the Toetaker

In the heart of the Mire lived an ugly old fiend
With a hey down down a down down
Who's heart was rotten to the core
He gathered phraxdust but twas never enough
And he carried on gathering more.
Toetaker went forth one late afternoon
With a hey down down a down down
To the wilderness muddy, and big
To view the white ravens that range here and there
There met he with bold Captain Twig.
As soon as Screed Toetaker did Twig espy
With a hey down down a down down
"Good day my albino, how now?"
He swept his hat off his head and with that
He bid Screed Toetaker a bow.
"Why, what art thou, thou bold fellow?"
With a hey down down a down down
"Thou boy with a silly toy sword!
My thoughts to be brief,
Thou looks like a thief
That comes to steal my hoard!
For I am a servant of Sanctaphrax,"
With a hey down down a down down
"And they have put me in trust
To gather phraxdust they so badly need,
Obey their orders I must."
Then Captain Twig, he unsheathed his sword
With a hey down down a down down
In his gauntleted hand he held
It had once been his father's, now it was his,
And many a rogue it had killed.
Hence sickle and sword clashed together that day
With a hey down down a down down
They fought for two hours and more,
The wilderness rang with every clang
Then Twig beat Screed to the floor.
Bold Captain Twig then lowered his sword
With a hey down down a down down
"We must let our quarrel fall!
For here we may thresh our bones into mesh,
And get no coin at all.
And in this endless expanse of mud,"
With a hey down down a down down
"Hereafter thou shalt be free!
For thou art more wretched than any I've seen and
Tis only kind that I kill thee."