1. Take shopping
carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic
locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the
front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten
minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many
people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male)
while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some
tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric
department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the
ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in
your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in
an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station;
then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say,
"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing
department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit,
anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry
department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's
panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the
hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends,
using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over
the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to
carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department;
tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department
by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and
combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders
and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into
neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they
all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help,
begin to cry and ask,"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking
ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and
use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by
setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I.
Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting
department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch
the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming
the theme from Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large
gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms,
and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front
of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden,
pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in
Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your
"Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when
people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them
into believing that the clothes are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend
someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is
breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I
thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.
You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the
loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices
again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to
check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to
the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink;
explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella
in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front
of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try
on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes
and throw it in various aisles
53. When someone steps away from their cart
to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always
staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any
Grey Poupon.
56. Test the fishing rods and see what you
can "catch" from the other aisles.
57. In the makeup department, spray yourself
with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and
start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's
your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl
the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
59. Redress the mannequins as you see fit.
60.When there are people behind you, walk
REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
61.Relax in the patio furniture until you
get kicked out.
62.Challenge other customers to duels with
tubes of gift wrap. 63. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 64. Say things
like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly
hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples
here?"
66. Ride a display bicycle through the
store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
67. Leave cryptic messages on the
typewriters.
68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put
them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
69. Drive around the entrances screaming out
the window "the British are coming "
<Back
to top>
