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"Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?"
"No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty."
"See me after class, Calvin."
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."
--Mrs. Wormwood and Calvin
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A lot of academics are academics because we were the kind of poor souls who actually liked going to school; we liked it so much that we never left. So we're often socially maladjusted creatures. Do not feed the professor; it may bite. --Tim Burke, Swarthmore professor
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A train station is where the trains stop.
A bus station is where the buses stop.
And on my desk, there is a workstation...
An employer once said, "What if I train my people and they leave?" I say, what if you don't train them..... and they stay...
Calvin: "You know, I don't think math is a science, I think it's a religion."
Hobbes: "A religion?"
C: "Yeah. All these equations are like miracles. You take two numbers and when you add them, they magically become one NEW number! No one can say how it happens. You either believe it or you don't. This whole book is full of things that have to be accepted on faith! It's a religion!"
H: "And in the public schools no less. Call a lawyer."
C: "As a math atheist, I should be excused from this."
--"Calvin and Hobbes"
Congratulations on your science degree. What's up next? Starfleet Academy? --rejected Hallmark card
Education is that which remails when one has forgotten everything learned in school. --Albert Einstein
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. --H. Jackson Browne
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre. --Gail Godwin
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. --Sam Ewig
Homework, I command thee, BE DONE! --"Calvin and Hobbes
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma. --the Wizard of Oz
I do more work after 2 AM than most people do all day
I love deadlines. I enjoy the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
I Love My Job, I Love My Job (Now will you please release my family?).
I no longer fear hell -- I work in Retail
I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there, and I don't want to have to see you every day.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play. --John Cleese
If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing "reduce 75%." --Scott Adams, "Office Party Tips"
In this business you either sink or swim or you don't. --David Smith
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?' You don't care how it _was_, you're lucky to get out alive. --Angela Chase, "My So-Called Life"
Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities:the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. --Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. --Winston Churchill
School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone. --Ashley Salvati Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Number 1 Sign You Have Nothing to Do at Work... The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. -- Fred Barling, "Humorscope"
The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life.
The great difficulty in education is to get experience out of ideas. --George Santayana
This is a non-profit organization. We didn't plan it that way, but that's the way it turned out.
This is cruel and unusual employment.
This is not burger king, you can not have it your way! --a school lunch lady
This isn't an office, Its hell with flourescent lighting.
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. --Kurt Vonnegut
Try not to have a good time--this is supposed to be educational. --Charles Schulz
Using the conferencing feature of your office phone, dial one Induhvidual, then while it's ringing dial another and conference them together. Put your own phone on mute and listen to see how long they'll make small talk before figuring out that neither one placed the call. --Scott Adams, "Practical Jokes for the Office"
We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us.
What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us. The greatest university of all is a collection of books. --Thomas Carlyle
You can name your own salary here. I call mine Fred.
