Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the PPC, though I lay claim to the agents Light and Sarah. I don’t own Rurouni Kenshin, and I also don’t own the fic ‘Lost Memorys’. Read the original story here.
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“Another mission so soon?” Light sighed, sitting up in her chair. “We’ve only just finished the first one.”
“Oh, well,” Sarah shrugged. “Just so long as this fic isn’t as bad as the other one.”
Light straightened, and made her way over to the console. She looked at the screen, and gave a groan. “I don’t think you’re going to be that lucky,” she commented. “This fic is just as bad as the last one, if not worse.”
“Oh, you have so got to be joking,” Sarah said, walking over to the console as well. She glared at the screen for a moment, then reached out. “We’d better open a portal.”
“Not so fast,” Light ordered, pushing Sarah back, away from the console.
Sarah stared at Light. “What are you talking about?” she demanded.
“Do you want to deal with characters trying to kill us to protect a Mary Sue?” Light asked.
“Oh, yeah. Good point.”
Light turned Sarah round, and gave her a gentle push towards the door. “Go and find Makes-Things and see if he’s got anything that we can use to distract the canon characters. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see anything we could use when I was looking through the backpacks.”
“Ok.” Sarah started to walk towards the door. Then, she paused, and turned back towards Light. “Do you have any idea where Makes-Things might, er, live? We don’t have a map, remember?”
“Remember how we got here?” Light responded. “Try to distract yourself. I’m sure you’ll find that easy enough to do.”
“Whatever.” Sarah left the room, and started wandering around aimlessly, opening random doors and getting things thrown at her by people who didn’t appreciate being disturbed. She managed to avoid being hit by most of them.
Presently, Sarah got to a door that she got the feeling Makes-Things was behind. Considering that her ‘intuition’ was right all the time, she pushed open the door and walked in.
There was a yelp from someone inside, and Sarah got a brief glimpse of a figure diving under the table.
“Go away!” the table said.
Sarah blinked, wondering just how a table could talk for a moment before realising that it wasn’t the table which was talking, but someone who was underneath the table.
Sarah walked over, noticing the amount of things spread out over the table. After a moment of looking curiously at the items, she crouched down, and peered at the Asian man under the table. “Hi!” she said brightly. She was kind of hoping that this wasn’t going to end up taking a long time. She was pretty sure that the talking Sunflower wouldn’t like it if they waited too long to go and kill the ‘Sue, and Sarah wasn’t up to stopping her partner from eating it if it annoyed Light too. The Sunflower, that was. Not the ‘Sue.
“Go away!” Makes-Things repeated.
Sarah frowned, but didn’t comment on his reaction. After all, she had times when she wanted to be left alone. Admittedly, she hadn’t been quite as rude as Makes-Things was being, but still… Instead, she replied, “Sorry, I can’t. Light, my partner, sent me here to get something that would help us be able to distract the canon characters.”
“None of the other agents seem to have any problems,” Makes-Things commented, crawling out from under the table once Sarah stood up and moved back. He seemed a little less tense, now that it was clear that Sarah wasn’t going to attack him. Not much, though. He was obviously still quite a bit wary.
“Well, one of the canon characters is a master swordsman,” Sarah responded with a slight frown. “One of the others has superhuman strength, even if he doesn’t have a weapon. I wouldn’t exactly be a good opponent against them, and I never wrote my partner with skills anything like theirs.” Well, not after the first time, anyway, she added silently. She didn’t need to say that out loud, though.
Makes-Things gave her a slightly startled look, but didn’t comment. He had learned long ago not to ask the PPC agents anything. He was never quite sure if he wanted to hear the answers or not.
“So… Do you have anything?” Sarah asked.
“There is something,” Makes-Things answered reluctantly. “It still hasn’t got all of the glitches worked out, though, and there’s only one prototype at the moment…”
“We have a mission now,” Sarah said, jiggling around a bit. “We really can’t wait for you to correct any glitches. Think of it as us testing it out for you,” she added when Makes-Things still didn’t look convinced.
“All right,” Makes-Things sighed, his expression clearly saying that he felt he was making a mistake. “But I want you to tell me everything that happens with it. Clear?”
If there was one thing Sarah really hated, it was giving reports. However, she simply nodded, sure that she’d be able to find some way out of it. And, if not… Well, spending time with Makes-Things probably wouldn’t be that bad.
Makes-Things moved over to the worktable, and picked up something that looked like crystal ball, which he handed to Sarah. “Be very careful with this,” he warned. “It’s extremely fragile. If you can get the canon characters’ attention on it, then they should be distracted by a number of spinning lights.”
“Thanks!” Sarah exclaimed. Before Makes-Things could react, she leaned over, and hugged him. Then, she all but ran out of the room, making her way back to her own.
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“Did you get anything?” Light asked almost before Sarah was actually through the door.
“Yup!” Sarah replied cheerfully, displaying the crystal ball. “It’s a distraction ball thingy… Apparently, it’s got these weird floating lights that distract the canon characters, and…” Sarah’s voice trailed off, and she stared at her partner. “Are you all right?” she asked.
Light said nothing. She was staring at the crystal with a look of fascination on her face.
Sarah blinked. Now why would Light be affected by the weird distraction ball thingy? she wondered. Then, her eyes widened. Oh, blast it… Don’t tell me Light counts as a canon character!
Sarah had played her for three years in a completely original universe, after all. Light was one of her few characters in a world all of her own.
Watching Light carefully, Sarah moved the crystal ball behind her back, hoping that the fact that Light couldn’t see it anymore would be enough to snap her partner out of the strange trance.
Light’s eyes followed the ball until it was out of sight, and then she blinked, shaking her head a little. She looked at Sarah, her expression a little confused. “What happened?” she questioned.
“The distraction ball appears to work on you as well,” Sarah explained. “It could be a problem. You’ll have to avoid looking directly at it, I think…” She made a mental note to ask Makes-Things how to stop her partner from getting hypnotised when they got back from the mission. For now, they were already quite late.
Sarah walked to the console after picking up her backpack and putting the Distraction Ball into it. “We’ll have to go as humans,” she announced.
“Fine. Whatever.”
“We’ll also have to go in at Chapter Three,” Sarah added with a frown, staring at the screen. “There are author’s notes taking up two chapters.”
“That is going on the charge list,” Light stated firmly.
Sarah nodded, and then tapped a few buttons on the console, opening a portal.
The two agents went through.
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Hey all sorry about the lack of updating home work and all. Oh well here is the new chapter sorry for the shortness, but I have a lot of stuff going on right now. I promise that the chapters will get longer as time goes by.
Disclaimer: as much as I wish I did I do not own Kenshin. ( (. But I do own Sita so hahahahahahahaha.
"People talking" 'People thinking' (Me popping in just to annoy you)
Sarah clapped her hands over her ears as the deafening author’s note sounded in the darkness. She knew that she should have gotten the earplugs out beforehand, as she wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to get them out while the author’s note was blasting away in the background.
“That’s an improper disclaimer,” Light muttered, finding some paper and a pencil in her backpack and noting it down. “Kenshin’s only a character in the anime. The author could at least use the full title.”
Sarah was prevented from replying by an abrupt shift in scene that left her gasping and really wanting some aspirin.
Sarah and Light watched with open mouths as a group of half a dozen Kenshins appeared, coming along.
“Kenshin has identical brothers?” Sarah squeaked. She looked rather happy about it, though. Now, if only at least one of those Kenshins would be in her apartment.
No point in wishing for something I can’t have, Sarah thought. Besides, she probably wouldn’t be able to handle Kenshin’s dark side.
“Sorry, what did you say?” Sarah asked, having just realised that Light was talking to her.
Light sighed. “I said, that the reason for all of those Kenshins appearing was because the author put ‘the Kenshin group’,” she replied.
“Oh,” Sarah said. She watched as all but one of the Kenshins disappeared, to be replaced by Yahiko, Sanosuke, and Kaoru.
“Look, there’s the ‘Sue,” Light commented, pointing to something floating in the water. As it hadn’t yet been described, the only thing the two agents could tell was that the person was female, simply because of what Yahiko and Kenshin said.
“Continual bad spelling, punctuation, and grammar,” Light muttered, writing it down. With her other hand, she patted Sarah on the back, noticing that her partner had her face buried in her hands and was whimpering.
"It is a girl." Kenshin said while staring to make his way down to her. The others followed
Light slowly shook her head as she watched Kenshin stare at the ‘Sue like an idiot as he made his way over to her. She added it to her charge list, along with ‘more than one person speaking in the same paragraph’, ‘lack of proper description’ and ‘lack of capitalisation of names’. She then dug around in Sarah’s backpack, until she found her partner’s headphones and walkman, which she set up for Sarah, putting the headphones on her partner’s ears. Many more spelling or grammatical mistakes would give her partner a breakdown.
“Knee-length blonde hair,” Light muttered, reading the Words for the ‘Sue’s description rather than looking at the ‘Sue herself. “That’s not likely at all.”
Sarah glanced over, and saw that the ‘Sue had suddenly changed gender, becoming a male for a short time. The agent blinked, and then burst out laughing, her hands covering her mouth in an attempt to smother the giggles.
Light shook her head. “Giving your character a sex change during the story,” she muttered, writing it down.
The two agents followed as the group took off with the ‘Sue to find Megumi. Light waved the CAD in the direction of the ‘Sue. The Words didn’t have her waking up just yet, so Light felt reasonably safe doing so.
‘SITA. MARY SUE. SUGGESTION: TERMINATE.’
The ‘Sue was taken to a bed. Unfortunately, the Words did not specify just where the bed was, so the two agents just found themselves in a grey place with a bed.
“Didn’t they have sleeping mats during this time?” Sarah wondered. She had long since stopped trying to listen to her music. She no longer looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown, but she did keep twitching every time a mistake was made, which was quite frequently.
“I think so,” Light responded, adding, ‘lack of proper research’ to the charge list, which was growing quite long already. And they still had another chapter to go. Light wasn’t sure if she and Sarah could handle it.
The two agents watched as it was revealed that Sita, the ‘Sue, had scars all over her body, from the neck down. This ‘interesting twist’ caused Light and Sarah to roll their eyes and grit their teeth, extremely irritated. Light added it to the charge list with a slight shake of her head.
At that moment the girl's eyes snapped open.
The two agents had to bite their lips to keep from laughing as there was a snapping sound, much like the sound a crocodile made.
“Portal ahead?” Sarah whispered. “Skipping over the next author’s note which takes up an entire chapter, of course.”
“Sure,” Light answered, her voice just as quiet.
Sarah took out her remote activator, and, pressing a few buttons, opened a portal. The two agents stepped through without a backwards glance.
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Light and Sarah landed in an unceremonious heap at the beginning of the next chapter.
Light pushed herself to her feet, and helped her partner up. She brushed herself down as she asked, “Did you set the portal to tilt like that?”
“Nope,” Sarah replied, glaring at the portal as it vanished, though not without seeming to laugh evilly at them.
Light and Sarah were suddenly slammed into the far wall, the setting now having changed to a room. The tenses shifting back to past tense, the two were then flung into the water basin and the well that had appeared due to a typing error. It was a miracle that neither of them fell down the well.
“Ow…” Sarah whimpered, rubbing at her head. She dived into her backpack, and found her bleepka, which she drank before passing it to Light, who drank also with a shudder.
Miraculously, the ‘Sue had been too busy staring at Kenshin and Kaoru to notice the two agents being flung about.
“Excuse me miss.” The man with the red hair said jarring me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him with hope that he might know me might be able to tell me something anything. “Could you tell us who you are?” he asked me so I guess that he could not help me after all.
“I was hopping you could tell me that” I replied not knowing what to say.
Light and Sarah just stared as the ‘Sue suddenly began hopping. Sarah started banging her head against the wall, whimpers coming out of her mouth.
Yahiko, Sanosuke, and Megumi came into the room. Sarah groaned as she noticed that Yahiko had alcohol pouring off his hair due to the word ‘spiked’ used in his description.
The two agents burst out laughing as the ‘Sue changed into Sanosuke, also with alcohol pouring off his/her hair.
Sita glanced in their direction, but the two agents quickly ducked, and the ‘Sue didn’t notice them. Having a low attention span, just like all Mary Sues, she turned back to Kenshin and the others.
(I don’t know how to spell sano’s full name to I am just going to use sano)
The two agents had seen the author’s note coming, so had quickly pulled out their earplugs and put them on to avoid being deafened.
“Stupid writer,” Sarah muttered once it was safe to remove the earplugs. “Can we charge her yet?”
Light looked at the charge list for a moment, and then nodded. “A shame, really,” she murmured in her partner’s ear. “The characters are mostly themselves.” That was the only reason she hadn’t used the CAD on them.
“I’ll distract them, you grab her,” Sarah told Light.
The two assassins stood up, immediately drawing the attention of the ‘Sue which, in turn, caused the canon characters to notice them.
Sarah immediately held up the Distraction Ball she had just got out of her backpack. All of the canon characters’ attention was drawn to it. Unfortunately, the depths of the ball also drew Sarah’s attention as well.
“Ooh, shiny.”
WHACK!
“Owies!” Sarah rubbed her head where her partner had struck her. It had done the job of distracting her from the pretty lights, though.
“What are you doing?” the ‘Sue demanded, starting to get up. However, she was prevented from doing so by Light’s knee on her chest, pinning her down. She stared up at the assassin with fear in her eyes. “Kenshin, save me!”
“He can’t hear you,” Sarah said cruelly over her shoulder. “He doesn’t even know you exist. Which, incidentally, you don’t.” With a dreamy sigh, Sarah returned to watching her hero.
Light glanced at the charge sheet. She then cleared her throat and read, “Sita, you are charged with continual bad spelling, punctuation, and grammar; making author’s notes take up entire chapters; improper disclaimer – you’re supposed to put the whole title; having more than one person speak in a paragraph; lack of proper description; changing your gender twice throughout the story; changing suddenly from past to present tense and back again; having scars all over just so that you can be fussed over (they are not fun, believe me); lack of proper research; losing your memory just for angst purposes; joining the dojo; creating multiple Kenshins; lack of capitalisation of names; making Kenshin stare like an idiot; giving Yahiko spiked hair; almost killing me and my partner; and being a Mary Sue.” Light paused for a moment, then continued, “For these crimes against the Rurouni Kenshin universe, you are sentenced to death. Any last words?”
Sita stared defiantly at Light. “Kenshin won’t let you kill me, and neither will Sano!” she vowed.
Light sighed, and turned towards her partner, still keeping her knee firmly on Sita’s chest and being careful not to look directly at the Distraction Ball. “You had something special in mind for this one, I believe?”
Sarah nodded, a feral grin on her face. She handed Light the neuralizer. “Put your sunglasses on, press the button, and make them forget,” she told her partner.
While Light was doing that, Sarah, an evil grin on her face, opened a portal to the heart of the living planet D’vouran from the Star Wars universe, and shoved the ‘Sue through before Sita could get away. She listened a moment to the screams, intense satisfaction on her face, before closing the portal again and opening a new one back to HQ.
Light having finished making the canon characters forget, the two went through the portal, ending up in their apartment once again.
Light collapsed in one of the chairs, but blinked as she saw Sarah making her way towards the door. “Where are you going?” she asked.
“To see Makes-Things about some way of preventing you from being hypnotised by the Distraction Ball,” Sarah answered.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Or not.”
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This was painful. It seemed like the writer didn’t care at all about correct spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Mind you, she did add in an author’s note saying that she knew the story wasn’t good at the end, so maybe there’s some hope for her.