OK folks this one is pure fun.  Even die hard “only Duncan/Methos” shippers will probably have to forgive me for this one.  The Sagittarius Zodiac challenge was “one of your characters is a slut, tell us about him.”  Who is a bigger slut than Max from the movie UNCOVERED.  I had this demented vision of Max and Methos being “fuck buddies” and Max telling him about all the other men in his life.   This story is rated NC-17 probably because of language and footnotes.

THE SLUT OF THE MONTH CLUB

Methos heard the door open and close.  His head told him that it was not Duncan or another immortal, and he wondered who had just let himself into his flat.  However, a mouth full of toothpaste precluded his rushing out of the bathroom for a full ten seconds.

“Cerveza? Donde esta?” he heard a voice call from the kitchen.  He noticed a tall curly-haired man whose black short-sleeved sweater stretched tightly across his muscled back and revealed a crescent of bare waist as he squatted to survey the refrigerator.  Methos was somewhat surprised by the question because most people complained that his larder contained nothing but beer.

“Right in front of your eyes, Max; or are they too bloodshot for you to see.”

“I sure know how to rattle your chains, Adam, don’t I?” 

Max rose, turned, brushed a strand of long hair out of his eyes and smiled a huge smile.   Methos noticed three thick gold chains around his neck, one sporting the traditional Italian horn.   He also noted, that Max’s tight gabardine pants were about to burst in the front.  They threw their arms around each other, hugged tightly and kissed. 

It was then that Methos realized that he was only wearing boxers which made it easy for Max’s hands to travel to their favorite destination.  If there had been a speed record for cock-to-mouth connection, it might have been seriously challenged today.

*  *  *  *  *

Adam Pierson had met Max at an art museum in Barcelona.   Duncan had been off attending to the purchase of some antique maps and he had roamed the galleries for several hours.  He wasn’t even sure why he had noted the man walking out of one of the administrative offices, except that possibly he had reminded him of himself during a more muscular period.  The man was fastening his belt and wiping his face, but the smile would not come off.

He had acknowledged him with the slightest of glances and continued down the hall to the restroom.  That might have been the mistake, but he really did need to pee.  Of course, the strange man followed him, standing back and obviously watching as he used the urinal and tucked himself back into his pants. 

“Ni-i-i-i-i-c-c-c-ee,” he droned in English.  “There’s nothing like cock like yours to get the taste of pussy out of my mouth.”

Methos was torn between sexual curiosity and the urge to deck him.

“What makes you think I’m not a cop?”

“Cops are some of my biggest fans.”  His tongue moved casually across his lips as his smile grew.

“Tell me, does that line ever work?”

“You’d be surprised.  Museums are havens for the sexually repressed.”

“Including female administrators.”

“Especially female administrators.”

“Come on my friend, I’ll buy you a beer.  I can assure you that it works very well on the taste of pussy, too.”

It had been a long time since Methos had succumbed to restroom pickups but this guy had an undeniable fascination.  It was worth a beer or two to get to know him better, while avoiding a less than chance encounter with a member of museum security. As he found out later that afternoon when they returned to his flat, Max was quite versatile with his sexual talents.  He worried slightly about what Duncan would have thought had he learned how they had spent the afternoon, and then remembered Amanda’s visit the previous week.  How would you degenderize that old adage about geese and ganders?

*  *  *  *  *

“So what are you doing in Seacouver?”  Methos often amazed his partners with his desire to resume conversations directly after orgasm.  He had thought it was an immortal trait until faced with MacLeod’s post coital lethargy.

“Afraid I am going to muscle in on your territory.”  Max could smirk with the best of them.

“I told you I’m in a committed relationship.”

“Yea sure.  It’s written all over your face when you cum.”

“I am, you slut.”

“Let me get this straight, you’re calling me a slut.”

“You are a slut, Max.   That’s what I find so endearing about you.  Look up slut in the dictionary and there is your picture.”

“I’ve heard that before, got to have something better than that, Adam.  Or is it Dr. Pierson now?”

“Sorry Max, you’re such a cliché slut that it is not worth the effort of creating a new metaphor.”

“And how many men have you been with in the last month, Adam?”

“I told you only one  - -  two if I count you.”

“I don’t count?” Max had a cute pout.

“Sorry.  I was making a point.  How many have you been with?”

“You mean?  Do you want women, too?  I usually don’t count women.  There are just too many.”

“If you say so.”

“As a matter of fact, counting you, I’ve only been with four other men.”

“Only four?”

“Four . . . I think so.  Bathrooms don’t count do they?”

“Not if you don’t want them to, Max.  Now tell me about the other three.”

*  *  *  *  *  *

Methos was thankful that Max’s hyperactive personality made it impossible for him to sit for more that a few minutes.  That gave him leave to sprawl onto the couch confident that his need for cerveza would be satisfied by Max’s frequent trips to replenish his own.   Max moved around the room striking poses that best accentuated his well-developed hard body.

“Well there’s George [1].”  Max began.  “I guess George could best be described as a tight assed banker.   Married, kiddies.  I know you’re thinking closet queen, but George was more complex than that.  I believe George turned to me for the same reason I turned to you.  To get the taste of pussy out of his mouth . . .  and it wasn’t his wife’s.”  Max’s twisted smile told him that this was going to be good.

“I met him in the bar of this fancy hotel in Toronto.”  Methos wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what Max was doing in Toronto.  “You know the kind of place where men go looking for women.”

“Wouldn’t know.”  Methos smirked.  “And what were you doing there?”

“Just looking.  Actually I’ve thought about investing in this joint venture to open a place like that for women.  I think a lot of older women would be willing to pay for sex if there was a safe place . . . “

“Go on with the story, Max, we can discuss your financial plans later.”

“You’re the one who asked.  Anyway George was sitting there drinking his scotch and from his body language it was obvious he had ‘PW’ written on his face.”

“PW?”

“Pussy whipped, don’t get out much do you Pierson?”

“Sorry, I was thinking it was someone’s initials.”

“Anyway, I moved over next to him and offered . . .

“Your best line, I know you used it on me.  Remember?”

“If it worked on you, Adam, it will work on anyone.   I’ll spare you the boring details then, but we ended up back in his suite. He’d rented it for the night not just for the hour and he told me this story about how this woman lawyer had him by the balls and was jerking him around.  Caught him in his own game.  Paying him for sex.  He was a mess, but not messed up enough not to be a good lay.  You know what he had?”

“Herpes?”

“No, this little tattoo of a dragon on his bum.  It was absolutely adorable.”

“The dragon or his bum?”

“Both.  George has become a regular – third Wednesday of the month, five hundred dollars US and a round trip plane ticket to Toronto.  Such a deal.  I can get my prescriptions refilled while I am there.”

“I so don’t want to know.”  Methos commented.

“Viagra.  You know that Cialus stuff can give you a hard-on that lasts for hours?  After a while it gets depressing.”

“I said I didn’t want to know.  But this guy traded in a ball breaking female lawyer who paid him for you.  You are coming up in the world Max.  Tell me about another one.”

“There’s this guy named Steve Blaine[2].  A real man’s man.  Builds houses.”

Adam closed his eyes and thought about his first visit to Seacouver.  Duncan was restoring that old craftsman bungalow for Anne.  He remembered the two of them working together, hammering and painting.  He would never forget the look on Duncan’s face when he slapped that paint brush on his nose.  He knew right then that there was more to Duncan MacLeod than he had ever let on.  Gods, those were good times.

“Now don’t go nodding off on me, Adam.  Thinking about your boyfriend are you?”

“You read minds, too.”

“Yours is easy to read.”

“Wanta bet?  Continue.” Methos said, and thought ‘if you only knew.’

“He’s really straight. Or was ‘til he me.”

“They all are.”  For a long time Methos always wondered why gay and bi-sexual men were so attracted to straight men.  Then he met Duncan MacLeod and knew.

“He’s a widower.  Two daughters.  He’s even a grandfather.”

“Old guy then.”

“No, our age.”

“Really.”  Methos smirked. “How do these straight guys find you, subscribe to the slut of the month club.”

“I get around.  Know people.  You know.”

“Not really.”

“There’s not much to say about Steve.  He’s sort of white bread.  Sliced white bread from the package with the red, yellow and blue balloons on the package.  He’s handsome of course, but he’s just Steve.  Love to fuck him, but know he’s always thinking about building something.”

“There must be something kinky about him.”

“He writes things on his arms.  Telephone numbers?  Is that kinky enough?”

“I was going to say, that attracts him to you.”

“Just likes me I guess.”

Max paused, stretched and looked up at the ceiling.  Methos checked out his pants which were again bulging.  There had to be more to Steve than Max was willing to share with him today.  That was fine.  Secrets were good, sometimes.

“Now if you want kinky, my friend, you ought to meet Gerald[3].  He’s kinky with a capital K.  I met him through my friend Vanessa.  She’s a professional dominatrix.  Now there is one hot woman, if you don’t mind having a woman who’ll beat the shit out of you if you misbehave.”

“Wouldn’t want one any other way,” Methos cooed.

“Yea, you say that now, but when she’s all done up in those fishnet stockings and leather bustiers she makes you go weak in the knees.  If you know what I mean.”

Methos bit his lip to refrain from making some historical comment about Marques de Sade. 

“Anyway Gerald had been going to Vanessa for several years.  He was a total bottom.  He’d just lie there while she worked him over, cum in his tight white underwear.  I guess in real life he has some high-powered job in the television industry, but when he comes to Vanessa he’s just a bad, bad little boy.

“Anyway, he wants more bang for the buck so to speak and has Vanessa come to his house.  Guess what happens, his little wifey walks in on him.  That makes him feel even more humiliated, so he’s happy as a clam.  But you won’t believe what happens next, his wife decides she wants to learn how to dominate.  She goes to Vanessa for lessons.  Learns all about it, gets these thigh-high boots and this little leather cap . . . really a cute thing she was.

“Sorry, Max, I’m drooling.”

“I’d never gotten into that S & M stuff, but Vanessa was getting frustrated.  What ever she tried with Gerald, his wife would think she could do, too.  It was fine for a while, but Gerald was not getting what he wanted from Vanessa and she was losing a fine source of income.  You won’t believe what those women make. “

“I believe.”

“Anyway Vanessa thinks that Gerald would get off on having a male dominate him and asked me if I would give it a try.  Now, I’m not sure I should be telling you this . . . Gerald considered Vanessa almost a therapist, but I never really had sex with him.  That was one of his stipulations.  Her, our, relationship with him was mental, not physical.  Oh, I could touch him, but only to hurt him.”

“How do you draw the line?”

“It was difficult, Adam.  He liked to have me make him sit on the floor and jerk off.  Like he was a bad eleven year old.  You remember.”

“Not really. . .”

“He’d jerk off, and I’d spank him.  Liked to have his bum spanked with a hairbrush.  The back side of it.  It was interesting, Adam.  Different interesting.  But you know what?”

“What?”

“I started fantasizing about having it done to me.  Not by Gerald, or Vanessa . . . “

“Not by me I hope.  I don’t get . . .”

“No, by someone I don’t know.  This tall, dark muscular guy.  Long brown hair, dark chocolate eyes, pale skin . . . ”[4]

Methos thought about making a note on his arm to never introduce Max to Duncan MacLeod.

“So that’s it.  The three men you had this month.  I don’t believe you.”

“Believe me, there was supposed to be one more.  I had another regular, this guy Ivan Slavicky[5], big hotshot in a cosmetic company, but they found him dead on the floor of his office in a pool of blood.  Not his month I guess.”  A feeling of real sadness was detectable over the usual sarcasm in Max’s voice.

Adam rose and went to his friend’s side.  He ran his fingers through Max’s oily hair.  “I’m sorry, Max.”

“So am I, he was going to give me this new age defying formula they were developing for free.  It costs a fortune.  Look at these lines in my face.  My life is over if I get any more wrinkles.”

“Age is all relative, my dear Max.  With your charm you’ll be bedding fellow patients in the nursing homes.  Come on now, let’s go into the bedroom and have a go at what you do best.”

McJude

October 15, 2004.

Author’s Notes:  Just incase you haven’t realized.  All the hot delicious men in this story are roles that Peter Wingfield has played.  Sorry, Peter, it was just too much fun.

[1] From the GUYS AND DOLLS episode of the television series BLISS.  The tattoo plays a staring role in this episode.

² From the movie THE WEDDING DRESS.

³ From the TYING UP GERALD episode of the television show BLISS

⁴ From the story FOOL’S GOLD by Chris http://www.taterville.com/foolsgold.htm a crossover between the movie UNCOVERED and THE BREED (which stars Adrian Paul.)

⁵ From the movie CATWOMAN