THE LECTURER

Although he was sitting straight in his seat, feet on the floor, hands on the desk (unless he was taking notes) because that was what protocol required, inside he was fidgeting. Being here was a total waste of his precious time. He had so many other things that needed to be done that day: from shining his buttons and belt buckle to reading ahead a few more chapters in his history textbook to working out in the gym and getting his forearms a little stronger so that when he fought with Nietzscheans -- damn, it he wasn't improving anything by being here listening to some boring motivational speaker.

He sucked in his stomach and mentally ran his hand over his abs. His stomach muscles were getting stronger and stronger, more defined. He loved the term one of his fellow students had used for them. "Six pack." There were six muscles there, each individually defined. He could see how they could be compared to cans of beer or Sparky Cola.

The speaker was a small, academic looking man with closely cropped blonde hair. He looked like a man who learned everything he knew from reading books. Philosophers primarily. What could a man like that have to teacher High Guard Cadets?

"How many of you here plan on being heroes?" He asked with a broad smile on his face.

A glance around the room revealed that almost all of the men (except for a few engineering and mathematics majors) and most of the women had raised their hands. His hand was up of course. He had no other goal in life but to be a High Guard officer and a hero.

"You there, in the third row. Cadet Hunt.... what is a hero?"

"The word hero comes from ancient mythology from the planet Earth and indicates someone with great strength and ability."

"So if you are strong and smart you are immediately a hero?"

"No there is more to it than that. A hero has to have noble qualities and show great courage. He must be willing to give his life to protect others."

"Very good. But, Cadet Hunt, if heroes are required by definition to give their lives for the protection of others, why would this be a career goal of so many of your classmates?"

Dylan didn't feel like answering any more questions. He had given a definition and expanded upon it, he didn't need his time discussing the philosophy of heroism. He really didn't like this style of teaching. If the man had something to say, why didn't he say it? He mumbled under his breath, in total disregard for the High Guard Academy regulation that all answers in class should be given in a loud and clear voice.

Several hands went up around the classroom and Dylan was relieved when the lecturer turned his attention to one of his fellow classmates who expounded on the fact that it was the willingness to give one's life that was the mark of a hero and that it was the job of the cadets as future heroes to learn the skills that would all them to protect people while staying alive.

"Cadet Hunt," the lecturer again turned to Dylan. "Can you tell your classmates some of the strengths you have to develop in order to embark upon a career path to being a hero?"

"Physical fitness and strength, use of weapons and other equipment, mental quickness, historical perspective, emotional detachment...

"You forgot good looks and table manners. Those are skills which I assume as a graduate of this fine and noble institution will aid you in your profession, but will they really make you a hero?"

"I am sorry, I don't understand what you are asking. If I am to be a hero, I need a knowledge of my strengths so that I can do my best to defeat your opponent."

"OK, Cadet, I suppose you have knowledge of your own strengths now how do you analyze the strengths of an opponent you have never met."

"Excuse me?"

"I asked how you go about analyzing an unknown opponent. For example, you go into a cave and find a big monster with two heads. What do you do?"

"Well I guess, first I would analyze what I had had to eat and drink in the last twenty-four hours, and the contents of any cigarettes I might have smoked." He had a self-righteous smile on his face. "Not that I do things like that." There were several groans of agreement from around the classroom.

"Very funny, but I assure you this monster is real."

"I'd check my species guide to determine what I was up against."

"And if it isn't in your palm held data base?"

"I'd call back to the ship and have them contact their main data base, but finding an unknown species is extremely unlikely."

"And in the meantime, while you are waiting for confirmation, you'd be dead, Cadet Hunt?"

"Does anyone have any other suggestions what they might do."

Hands went up around the room. People suggested stupid things like chopping his head off.

"I'd be careful about chopping off his head," a small girl in the back row said. "It might be a hydra in which case it would re-grow its head plus another one."

"Very good," the speaker commented.

'Shit,' Dylan thought under his breath, 'now we have to listen to techniques of killing mythological beasts.'

"Now, tell me, Cadet Hunt," the man glared at him with his bright blue eyes, "Who would you want with you on this unknown planet. Cadet Kasad who is a big bad Nietzschean, or Cadet Green here who knows something about Hydras?"

"I would take Cadet Kasad with my any time. He is strong and intelligent."

"But he doesn't know Hydras. What if he were with you and he cut off the Hydra's head?"

"Then it would grow another one, but eventually we would kill it."

"What make you so sure, Cadet Hunt?"

"Because I have faith."

"Faith in what?"

"The superiority of a High Guard Academy education."

"So you are going to fight this monster with your diploma, Cadet Hunt. I assure you that Hydra's are not impressed."

"Don't be so foolish. I'm going to have faith in my partner's strength and agility. I have faith that he has been trained with weapons and that he has kept his weapon in working order. I have faith that he will cover my back and that I can assure him I will be covering his."

"If you have that kind of faith, Cadet Hunt, why would you not want Cadet Green who has all these things, by virtue of her High Guard Academy education, plus a working knowledge of the killing of hydras with you."

He wasn't about to say anything stupid, like 'because she's a woman, but he thought it.' "I cannot allow one specialized skill that a particular crew-member might have to overshadow the combination of skills I find in someone like Cadet Kasad. You cannot retool the job description to meet the qualifications of a single candidate. You must create positions for people who are fungible."

"But surely, you are not fungible, Cadet Hunt? Is that what you really want to be, fungible?"

"No, I want to be a hero."

"But if you don't kill this hydra, you will be nothing but a dead hero? I believe dead heroes are pretty fungible." Dylan said nothing as the small man stared at him. He didn't have an answer.

"All right, Cadet Hunt, you have just through your superior strength, weapons, and your High Guard education managed with Cadet Kasad here to kill the hydra. Are you a hero?"

He was about to say "Yes" when he realized that probably wasn't the answer. The man wanted him to say "yes" so he could ask him another more difficult question. Like maybe the hydra was a friendly species, in which case Beth Green would have known that and told him not to kill it. He sat silently and said "Maybe?"

"Maybe? How can you MAYBE be a hero? You either or you are not. Being a hero is not measured on a continuum, it is a state."

"I guess it depends on why I went into the cave and why I killed it. If it had been killing other people or trying to kill me, then my... our... killing it would be a good thing. But I can see that you could construct scenarios where killing the hydra would not be a good thing."

"Does doing a good thing, make you a hero, Cadet Hunt. There are lots of people who do things every day of their lives which are very good for themselves and for others, but they are not called heroes, isn't that true?"

"Perhaps, they are not getting their just recognition? Perhaps they do not realize that they are heroes?"

"Can you elaborate on that, Cadet Hunt?"

"Well, in this hydra situation, if Cadet Kasad was with me and we killed the hydra, we may or may not be heroes. That would assume that the hydra posed some threat to others. But if it were just an encounter in an exploration and if Beth... Cadet Green... were with me and she told me that a hydra was a friendly, intelligent species, that it could be distracted to allow us to get out of the cave without having to hurt it. We would not then kill it. Then she might be a hero to the hydra. Furthermore, the person who discovered that the hydra was friendly played a large part in her heroism. As did the person who wrote the field guide, as well as the teacher who taught her to read. But no one calls them heroes -- only those who kill."

"Very nice, Cadet Hunt, and very noble thoughts. But are these people heroes to you? Do you really care if they are heroes to the hydra or is that just something you said to impress the guess lecturer?"

Dylan hung his head; he'd been caught again.

"You told me earlier that it was necessary for you to know yourself, yet you found it much harder to analyze an unknown enemy, is not that correct. Well, let's look at your strengths right now. How would you evaluate your performance today? Is that evaluation easy? Or difficult?"

Dylan was angry with himself again. The man knew he had been lying, sucking up so to speak. He had sensed his contrived remarks. Even if the lecturer wasn't sure that he was lying, Dylan knew that the man had sensed that he knew he was lying. That was all that mattered. He was going to have to evaluate situations where it might be better to tell a known lie than to reveal the truth... and learn to be a better liar.

"You haven't given me an evaluation, Cadet Hunt. The class is waiting."

"Why don't you ask them how I did? It's their evaluation that counts anyway? They are the ones who will decide whether or not I am a hero?"

"If you believe that, Cadet Hunt, then you will never be a hero. The true evaluation is that which you give yourself."

Dylan felt the blood rushing to his face. He was angry. This little man, who wouldn't be able to stand up to him for even a few minutes in a fight, who probably couldn't lead at all, had made him feels stupid.

"OK, then Mr. Hunt. If you can't evaluate yourself, evaluate me. You said it is the evaluation of others that makes the final determination. Tell me what you think of my performance?"

"Why... why should I take me time to evaluate you? You are a one-time lecturer? I probably could say you don't know your 'ass from a hole in the ground' but that would be impolite. I probably could say I thought you did a wonderful job and were a great teacher, but you and everyone else would know I was lying... again. I don't know... you made me think. I guess that is good. You made me look at the way I evaluate myself... evaluate others. You made me see things from all sides. I guess you were... not bad."

"Thank you, Cadet Hunt, you weren't bad yourself. But you are going to get better. Keep thinking like that and you cannot help but get better." He smiled at Dylan. A warm, almost intimate smile.

The lecture ended and some of the cadets rushed to the front of the room to talk to the guest speaker. Dylan Hunt stowed his books in his backpack and decided to head directly for the gym.

He needed heavy weights to build up his body to fight off his terrible feeling of inadequacy he had after today's performance.