This story was written in response to a KSAres challenge to write a story in the Hercules Universe involving Domestic Discipline. Domestic Discipline was defined as a relationship (sexual or not) which was based on one partner giving the other a series of rules and if necessary punishments. This was a quick comedic response that was lost and forgotten because of its timing -- I didn't even have a copy of it on my computer. Recently it came up in an end of year review, and I decided that it perhaps needed an archive. I guess it is rated a pretty hard R.

"I'm sorry, Iolaus, but I am going to have to go to Corinth for a few days." Hercules rested his strong hand on his partner's shoulder and looked directly into his bright blue eyes. "Do you think you can manage? Here, I've written this week's rules down for you, so if you forget you can just look here, on the cupboard and refresh your memory."

Iolaus looked up with a sheepish smile. "It's going to be hard big guy, why don't you remind me what will happen if I break them."

'Shish,' Hercules thought. 'Iolaus always wants to be reminded. Iolaus always needs to be reminded. He must not be doing his job as teacher and mentor too well if his student can't remember.' "I wrote that all down too, first time no second helpings at dinner, second time, no sex for a week, third time you get your little butt spanked."

"And how many times have I broken the rules?"

"Think as of this morning it was seventeen, but I'll have to check. But please, try to be good while I am gone." He leaned over and kissed Iolaus on the forehead. Tough love was hard, but someone had to do it.

* * * * *

Iolaus read the list through one more time after Hercules left. This week's rules were pretty short and easy to follow - well most of them. The first one was to sweep the floor twice a day. It was a dirt floor. How would Hercules know if he swept it or not? The second one was to maintain the outhouse. That
was no problem, it was clean now, he could use the bushes while Herc was gone. The third one was the most trouble. It simply said "no self pleasuring." Iolaus promptly walked down to the bank near the pond and figured that since Herc was gone, there was no way he would know that he was breaking rule three right then.

* * * * *

King Iphicles looked down from his throne at his brother.

"How's it going? You keeping the little fellow in line?"

"Don't call him that, he has a name, his name is Iolaus. I've been trying, but not too successfully. It seems that he is always trying to defy me. It makes me so angry."

"Time out, Hercules. Now let's look at this as adults. You are an adult. Iolaus is an adult. There is no reason that the two of you cannot find rules that he will obey. It just takes a closer examination and evaluation. . .

Hercules had stopped listening to his brother, stopped standing in time out position, and was watching a mouse run around the corner of the throne room. It was a cute little fellow with a hunk of bread in his mouth that was almost as big as he was. Iolaus would like to have a pet, a dog, maybe a cat, but he would have to make rules for him to clean up after the pet, and that would be more things he would have to enforce. It was difficult being the boss all the time.

"Are you listening to me, Hercules. How can I expect you to obey my rules, when you are so damn lax at enforcing those you write for Iolaus."

Hercules knew that was coming. His brother had written a list of rules for him to show him how this domestic discipline thing worked. It didn't have to involve a sexual relationship, he would never have sex with his own brother; but rules to make life more organized could be very good.

"Let's see how we are doing. Number One: No bar fights."

"Done pretty well on that one. Only been in three in the last month."

"Hercules, do you understand the difference." The king thrust three fingers on his left hand into the air. "This is three." He thrust his right fist into the air. "This is none. Do you see the difference. Three. None. Do they look at all the same to you?"

"But. . ."

"No, 'buts' little brother. How did you do on number two? Did you visit your mother weekly?"

"I did that. I did that." Herc was jumping up and down on one leg. "Only missed two weeks ago Friday, but went on Monday and Friday the next week."

"Close Herkie, but no cigar. Two rights don't cover up a wrong. And Rule Three?" He studied his brother's face as he bit his lower lip tightly and tried to avert his eyes. "Why is it that you always have such a tough time with rule three?"

"I'm sorry," Herc looked down at his shoes. "I was really good until I started the trip here. I was gone for about four hours, when I thought of Iolaus, and damn, Iffy, I missed him so much. It didn't take long, just a few minutes, and I felt so much better afterward."

"Hercules. Just once, just once, I would love to have you tell me you made it a month without jerking off. Just once. Well you know that that means, don't you?"

"Bare hand, pants down. I know. I'm sorry. I am trying so hard."

* * * * * *

"Iphicles. Iphicles. Wake up, I need to talk to you."

The sleeping king rubbed his eyes and looked up at the God of War who was standing at the foot of his bed.

"Nice job with Hercules this afternoon. He's walking back and forth in his room, not able to sit down. Do you think you were a little hard on him?"

"Hard on him. It's hard on me."

"I am well aware of that, Iphy."

"But do you know how hard . . difficult…it is to hide it when someone is laying over you knee. Hercules would kill me if he thought I was. . ."

"That is your problem. I want to know how you are doing on MY RULES. I don't care about your silly little games you play with your brother."

"Our brother. And I have been very good. I've not deflowered one virgin all month. You should be very proud of me."

"That's because the nearest available virgin is eleven, and very, very ugly."

"She'll grow into her looks, in a few years you won't even notice the wart on her nose. But I did keep that one, right?"

"Marginally. But what about the midnight snacks."

"I get hungry."

"And I have told you many, many times that there are nutritious snacks you can take up to the bedroom with you. Wrap a few carrot sticks up in a piece of cloth, a few almonds in your pocket, even a cucumber to slice up later. But a whole pie! Eaten standing in the kitchen. Iphicles will you ever learn."

"But. . "

"And while we are 'buting,' what about rule three?"

"Geez. No virgins. Hercules with a red butt on my lap. You can't blame a guy for that, can you Ares?"

"I can and I will. Now where are those manacles?"

* * * * *

"It's about time you got here. Hercules is due back this afternoon, and you were due here at daybreak."

Ares rubbed his eyes. "Guess I overslept."

"Overslept. By the looks of those clothes you were up all night. Can't you just take a few seconds and think about your appearance. Check to see all the ties are tied and buttons buttoned. You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

"People usually can't see me. What do they care if my vest is buttoned straight?"

"It's not people, Ares, it's you. You should care. I know you haven't been thinking about our rules for this month. Just this morning, walking into town I saw the remains of two cows that had been barbecued by your fireballs. Ares, no zapping cows. How can I make that any more clear?"

Ares brought his fist to his mouth and chewed on the nails of two fingers.

"I thought you had gotten over that nasty habit, Ares, guess we are going to put nail biting on the list again next month."

"I did really well on the virgin sacrifice one though. Nada."

"That's 'cause you fucked them both."

"Had to keep them away from Ipfy."

"That is a good point. I guess you can get a red star for that, not a gold one, mind you. And Rule Three?"

Ares reached down and adjusted his codpiece, which had slipped a bit this morning as he was leaving the castle. There was no way he could lie to Iolaus, he always knew.

"You know this is going to hurt me more than it does you. Drop them Ares."

"Yea, sure!" The god growled.

* * *

Hercules had stopped by the outhouse on the way inside, noting the fresh cut flowers hung under the cutout hole. 'Nice touch, Iolaus," He had thought. He really couldn't tell about the dirt floor, but it looked about the same as it did when he left. At least here were no bones on it.

"So how did we do on rule three, Iolaus."

The short man had already unhooked his belts and allowed his pants to drop to his knees. His blue eyes met Herc's with a slight twinkle.

* * * *

"I just don't know, Alcmeme," Jason said as he walked into the house. "I don't think the kids are getting the hang of this domestic discipline thing. Every time I see Iolaus he moves so stiffly, and when was the last time you saw Hercules sitting down?"

"Yea, and Iphicles seems to have this problem with his back, and last week I swear he had a chain hanging from one of this gauntlets."

"Don't know about that boy, always did seem a little kinky."

"Now, Jason, we just have to give them time. You know it takes a while to learn to live by rules imposed by someone else. It's not really part of any of their natures. They're all so damn independent, but . . .by the way, how did WE do this week?"

"Wonderfully honey, I just had a small problem with rule number forty-two."

McJude