Music Hath Charms

Feducious tried to focus on the report in front of him, a first year cadet's attempt to describe the siege of Troy, but the music coming through his window kept creeping into his brain and distracting him.

"She was just seventeen," came the lyrics to the raucous tune emanating from the Academy stable. With a sigh, he wondered again why Cheiron had allowed the cadets to form a band. And why he had allowed them to practice in the stable. They all should be studying, not wasting their time with such nonsense. He tried to focus on the words on the scroll. "The seege of the city went on for a reely long time." He heaved another great sigh. If only the students put as much effort and creativity into their school work as they did into their music and other activities. And if only those activities didn't intrude into his own. He'd never get these reports graded if he couldn't concentrate.

"It won't be long. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah." Oh, for Athena's sake! Couldn't they come up with more original lyrics than that? When he was a young man, music was tuneful, lyrics sincere and meaningful. Feducious scrawled a big D on the unfortunate student's report, and after a moment's pause completed the phrase Do Over before he tossed it onto the pile on his right, not even bothering to square up its corners with those of the other reports he had already finished. He wouldn't finish any more work tonight. He stood up and went out into the Academy courtyard.

"Nice evening, isn't it?" Cheiron said as he came up beside his Head Teacher. "Toasted oats?" He held out a small bag.

"No, thanks." Feducious turned down the offer with a slight wave of his hand. "When will they stop that noise?" he asked, frowning as he nodded toward the stable.

"Feducious, I thought you enjoyed music," said the Headmaster, munching his favorite snack.

"I do enjoy music. I think we need to schedule some classical concerts here to show these cadets what music is." He grimaced as a lyre riff rose to an ear-shattering note.

Cheiron smiled. "You know, music and mathematics might be a good lesson," he suggested. "The band might provide you with a teachable moment."

"I doubt it," returned Feducious shortly. "The only thing it's teaching me is the value of silence!" He turned abruptly and went back inside. Maybe if he closed the door and the window to his room, the noise might be at least muffled.

Cheiron shook his head as he walked across the courtyard, ducking a flying bagball and stepping around a small group gathered around a chess game. His philosophy of developing the minds, bodies, and spirits of his cadets into harmonious whole persons was a little more flexible than Feducious would have it, but the centaur was pleased with the results so far. One never knew where a cadet might find his most valuable talents.

"Oh, Cheiron! Watch my new tumbling routine!" An excited voice interrupted his thoughts, and he quickly emended his thought to include Lilith. She might be the first female cadet he'd admitted to the Academy, but he knew she would not be the last. He nodded his approval as she landed a complicated series of flips and cartwheels, then continued toward the stable.

"Tell me why-eye-eye-eye you cried," Hercules was singing as Cheiron ducked his head to enter the stable. The young demi-god was playing the lyre as the front man of the combo, the other musicians backing him up with drums, a bass, and another lyre. Moving quietly past the stalls, the centaur walked over to join Iolaus, who was sitting on a barrel nodding his head and patting his hand on his thigh to keep time with the music.

"You don't play?" Cheiron offered his little bag of oats to the cadet when the musicians stopped playing to discuss the arrangement of their song.

"Uh, no. No, sir," replied Iolaus, sitting up a little straighter. "No, thank you, sir," he politely turned down the offered oats.

"You're in here so much, I thought you must be a member of the band." Cheiron ate the final mouthful of the oats and tucked the empty bag into his harness.

"Iolaus sings!" Hercules called over from the group.

"Herc!" Iolaus protested, as Cheiron raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, Iolaus," cried Hercules, "Let's do 'Cry Instead'!"

"Not now, Herc!"

"I'd like to hear it, Iolaus," said Cheiron with an encouraging nod.

"I don't ...I just ... I just sing in the shower, really," Iolaus backpedaled.

"Oh, come on, Iolaus! Don't be shy." Hercules waved his friend toward the megaphone.

"Iolaus shy?" Cheiron raised the other eyebrow, trying to hide a smile as the reluctant cadet slid off the barrel with a sigh of resignation and joined his fellows. Iolaus steadied the megaphone with one hand, glaring at Hercules as he waited for the downbeat.

"I've got every reason on earth to be mad," Iolaus began somewhat tentatively, still glaring at Hercules when his cue came. Hercules nodded encouragement as he sang harmony, still playing his lyre, and the others provided a heavy backbeat to the tune. The Headmaster was pleased to see how much fun the cadets seemed to be having as they played together. Except for their music, the boys had little in common. Philius was a first year student from a wealthy Athenian family, and the drummer Theo was from a farm in Parthenos. The bass player was a senior student, eager to join the Macedonian army. And then there were Hercules, the half-mortal son of Zeus, and, of course, Iolaus, who somehow always seemed to be in the middle of everything.

Cheiron watched the band run through the song, tapping a hoof to the beat of the music. It was too bad there wasn't a way to record their performance. Even Iolaus seemed to enjoy himself after the first chorus, his blue eyes twinkling when he exchanged a grin with Hercules as they leaned together to the megaphone to sing harmony. The two friends did a little impromptu dance step during the bridge, and Iolaus closed with a flourish, clutching the megaphone with both hands as he sang, "Until then, I'll cry instead!"

The band took an awkward bow, laughing and nudging each other with their elbows when their teacher applauded at the end of the number. "Good work!" he complimented his students. "But remember, it's almost time for lights out." He turned and ducked through the door out to the courtyard, shooing other cadets toward the dormitory, and the band members began to put their instruments away.

"Do you think he really liked it?" Iolaus asked as he moved music stands into an empty stall.

"Only until you started to sing," Hercules teased his friend as he wiped his lyre down with a soft cloth.

"I only sang because you made me!" retorted Iolaus.

"Oh, right!" Hercules rolled his eyes. "Philius, bring me some eggs to have with this ham!" The musicians laughed as Theo gave a quick drum roll to underline Hercules's joking comment.

"Ha. Ha." Iolaus made a grab for Theo's drumsticks, but the drummer pulled them protectively toward his chest. "I like playing with you guys," Iolaus admitted. "But I don't think I could sing in public."

Hercules closed his lyre case with a snap. "That's too bad, Iolaus. We're booked into the Rialto in Corinth for next Friday night! Didn't I tell you?"

"The Rialto? That's the biggest theater in the whole province!" Iolaus swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. They weren't playing at the Rialto. They couldn't be playing at the Rialto. The Rialto only had shows like Athenian acting companies and Chinese acrobats and famous bards. His befuddled glance went from musician to musician, finally meeting a familiar twinkle in the demi-god's eye. "Hercules, we are not playing at the Rialto!" he cried with his fists on his hips.

"No, we're not, Iolaus," replied Hercules as the other band members broke up in gales of laughter. "But I had you going there, didn't I?" The two friends good-naturedly punched each other in the shoulder and, still laughing, the cadets headed across the courtyard toward the dormitory.

"Hi, Feducious," they greeted the teacher as they passed him in the doorway, accompanied by a staccato beat from Theo's drumsticks on the doorframe.

"Goodnight, gentlemen," Feducious replied. "Although I use the term loosely," he muttered under his breath as he went out into the now deserted courtyard. He sat on a bench near the wall to enjoy a moment's peace and quiet before bed. He gazed up at the cloudless sky, its darkening indigo spangled with silent stars. More homework, that might be a solution, he decided. By Athena, if the cadets had more schoolwork, they would have less time for that so-called music. He waited in the silence, but the Goddess of Wisdom did not offer comment, and finally with a sigh he retired to his room.

***

"How about a little bagball after breakfast, Herc?"

"Can't do today it, Iolaus. I've got to go into Corinth for some new lyre strings." Hercules helped himself to a piece of fresh bread as he moved down the serving line in the Academy dining room.

"Oh. Okay, I'll come with you," Iolaus replied. He tried to balance an apple on top of his breakfast tray, wedging it in between an oat muffin and a sausage.

"I thought you had a study session with Feducious today," said Hercules as they sat down at one of several empty tables. The room was only half full of cadets since breakfast service on Saturday was extended by an hour.

"Drat! I forgot about that," said Iolaus. "Maybe he'll let me skip today." He spread some strawberry jam on his muffin and took a big bite.

"Iolaus, you skipped last week."

"I know, but I wanted to go fishing while the weather was good. It was a nice overcast day last week."

"And it's a nice sunny day today, and you're running out of days. The term ends in just a few more weeks, and if you don't get your study time in, they might throw you out of school!"

"I know, I know!" Iolaus sighed. "It's just that Feducious is so boring!"

"What are you studying today?"

"I don't know. Probably something boring like history or something." Iolaus heaved another sigh. "Uh oh! There he is now." He nodded toward the door from the classroom wing.

"He's coming to get YOU, Iolaus! Resistance is futile!" Hercules stood up with his tray. "See you later, buddy!"

Iolaus sighed again, his chin in his hand as he watched his friend's lanky frame disappear through the dining room door on his way to Corinth. There were girls in Corinth, and that one stall on the east side of the market had the most delicious baklava. The fish in the pond were waiting to be caught, if he couldn't get into the city. But no, here he was stuck at the Academy for another Saturday with Fiddle Face.

"Shall we?"

Iolaus started out of his reverie. "Hi, Fid, er, Feducious," he greeted his tutor as he suddenly realized the man was standing at his shoulder.

Feducious led the way to his office. Another beautiful day and here he was stuck at the Academy with Iolaus. The ungrateful pup seemed to think that all he had to do in his life was teach every day. But it was partly his own fault that he would miss the exhibition at the Corinthian Gallery. He was the one who had allowed Iolaus the previous Saturday to go fishing. And there were so few weeks left to finish the tutoring course, they couldn't afford to miss another one.

The office seemed particularly stuffy today. Feducious gazed for a moment at the sunny courtyard as he opened the window he had closed last night against the noise of the band. Today the gentle songs of birds wafted into the room as he handed Iolaus a scroll to take notes and began his lecture about poetry.

Iambic, pentambic. Pentameter? What was it? What was the point of it? What rhymed with Kora? There once was a woman named Kora. Iolaus ran his hand through his curls with a sigh of frustration. His scroll was full of doodles, blots, and scratches, but he couldn't find two rhyming lines anywhere.

"Is something wrong?" Feducious looked up from the report he was grading. Unfortunately, most students were no better at writing prose than Iolaus seemed to be at writing poetry. He got up and walked across the room to look over Iolaus's shoulder. "There once was a woman named Kora," he read. Shaking his head, he ran a hand over his sparse hair. "Is that all you've got?" he asked.

"I don't know!" Iolaus tossed his pen onto the desk. "I just can't get the hang of this moon, June, spoon stuff," he cried. "What's the point, anyway!"

"Poetry is not about spoons," said Feducious shortly. "It is about the great emotions and aspirations of man. The poet uses language to inspire his hearers to great ideas."

"Huh?" Iolaus looked up with a frown.

Feducious turned toward the window as he recited, "But when he speaks, what elocution flows!/ Soft as the fleeces of descending snows/ The copious accents fall, with easy art;/ Melting they fall, and sink into the heart."

After a pause he said over his shoulder, "That is from the greatest poem in the world. Even you may have heard of it. The Iliad. The story of the wrath of Achilles. Now there was a man who knew what it's like to be a hero."

Iolaus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Does anybody know what it's like to be a hero?" he muttered.

The ensuing silence was finally broken by a clamor of voices in the courtyard. Hercules and his friends were back from Corinth. Feducius shook his head as he watched the cadets head across the courtyard toward the stable. Surely they weren't going to practice their music again? They should be going to the common room to study, not playing music, if you could call what they were doing music.

His mental tirade was brought to an abrupt halt by a sudden flash of movement. As Hercules pushed open the stable door, a large owl flew up from her perch, startled by the noisy intruders. As he watched her circle the courtyard and fly away over the roof above him, Feducious had a flash of inspiration. He turned back into the room.

"Why don't you write a song?" he said to Iolaus.

"What?" Iolaus sat up and stopped playing with his pen.

"Write a song. That is your assignment. Write a song that your band can perform."

"I can't write a song!" cried Iolaus. "Besides, what if the guys don't like it and don't want to play it?"

"They don't have to perform it in public. Just once so I can hear it."

"But, I don't know how to write music!" Iolaus protested. "I don't even know how to read music," he added under his breath.

"Don't you write the songs you use now?" asked Feducious. "Not you personally, perhaps, but the band members?"

"No! Hercules got most of them from a music stall at the market in Corinth. The guy said they were written by some guys from Britannia, I think."

Before Feducious could reply, there was a knock at the door, and Hercules poked his head into the room.

"Herc!" Iolaus jumped up to meet his friend.

"Hercules." Feducious's greeting was more subdued. The teacher frowned as he picked up the messy, ink-blotted scroll that Iolaus had knocked to the floor as he jumped up to meet the young demi-god. They would never get more work done now. Hercules was the one who had helped Iolaus pass his mid-term exam. He of all people should realize they needed more study time and not come barging in like that.

"Feducious wants me to write a song, Herc!" exclaimed Iolaus.

"Cool!" replied Hercules. "Guess what?" he asked excitedly. "Kora's having a talent competition at the end of the month! She wants to get as many acts as she can to enter!"

"Why don't you boys work together on the song?" suggested Feducious. "If you work hard and finish it in time, you could use it at the competition."

"I'll write the song," said Iolaus, resigned to his fate. "If you'll help, Hercules. But I won't sing it!" he added defiantly. "Not at Kora's."

"Well, I'm not singing either," said Hercules. "I told Kora I'd help her register the acts and keep score. She wants me to ask Hephaestus to build her a scoring machine to measure the audience's applause!"

The cadets were halfway out the door when Hercules turned back. "Feducious, you don't have anything you'd like to donate to the prize basket for the contest, do you?" he asked.

"I don't think so," replied the teacher dryly. He watched the boys walk down the hall, talking animatedly about the talent contest. How was it that the cadets got younger every year, he wondered. With a sigh, he settled himself at his desk, straightening up the corners on another pile of themes and weighing it down with a green stone paperweight. It was going to be a long afternoon.

***

The glass of cool lemonade was refreshing on a warm afternoon. Feducious took another sip. The afternoon was turning to evening, and he savored the sight of the slowly changing colors of the sky over the western wall of the Academy courtyard. He had enjoyed a rare quiet afternoon today. The cadets had been in a particularly rambunctious mood before lunch, but as soon as the meal was over, they had all disappeared. He should thank that innkeeper woman Kora for his peace and quiet. He would if he ever set foot into her establishment.

He couldn't imagine who would win the talent contest at the inn. As far as he could tell, there was very little talent to be found among the cadets. A townie from Corinth was bound to win his paperweight and whatever else had been donated. He certainly didn't expect to see it on Iolaus's desk, even though the feisty little cadet was the one who had finally wangled it out of him. When Iolaus had his mind set on something, he was very hard to resist. Feducious leaned back against the warm bricks of the courtyard wall, extending his legs out in front of him as he sipped his drink and watched the sunset.

"Are you all right?"

"Oh, my gods! I've never been so scared!"

Feducious's reverie was rudely interrupted as some cadets came running into the Academy courtyard.

"I can't believe it!" cried Philius, gasping for breath. His friends gathered around, panting and laughing hysterically.

As Feducious put down his lemonade glass, several more cadets came running into the Academy as if the Furies were after them. Some Corinthian girls with the cadets were crying as a knot of boys crowded around the well to draw up some water. The teacher quickly got to his feet and approached the excited students.

"What is going on here?" he demanded trying to make himself heard over the noise.

The cadets all seemed to be shouting at once, and the crowd kept growing. Feducious's efforts to calm the excited young people were to no avail. He could make out something in the confusion about the talent competition, dancing and singing, gods and heroes, thunder and lightening, and in the middle of it all, as usual, Hercules and Iolaus.

"Silence!" Cheiron's deep voice rose above the shouting. The cadets took a few minutes to heed the headmaster's order, but gradually the confusion quieted down. "Will someone please tell me what has happened," Cheiron demanded.

"Ares! Ares was at the inn! Ares tried to win the prize!" Several cadets spoke at once until Cheiron again had to demand silence.

"Suppose you tell us what happened," he said to Theo the Parthenian.

"Well, sir, the contest was going along. I suppose about half the acts had performed. We were backing them up with our band if they needed music," he added parenthetically. "Some of them were pretty good, too," he added.

"Get on with it!" Cheiron stamped his hooves with impatience.

"Yes, sir. Well, sir, Ares showed up!"

Feducius looked up from where he was tending to a distraught young female. "Ares the God of War was at Kora's Inn?"

"Yes, sir! He wanted to enter the contest!"

Feducious handed the water dipper to a cadet. "You expect us to believe that the God of War entered a talent contest at a roadside inn?" At least it was an original story, if unbelievable.

"Was anybody hurt?" inquired Cheiron, surveying the crowd from his centaur height. "Is everybody back safe?"

"Hercules stayed to fight him!" said Theo. "After he blasted Iolaus across the room!" The excited cadet demonstrated the power of the God of War by jumping back and crashing dramatically into the arms of the cadets standing behind him.

Iolaus blasted across the room! Hercules fighting the God of War! What were those boys up to now? After a struggle, Feducious's dismay combined with his curiosity to overcome his natural caution. He didn't wait for Theo to finish his story, which was getting more colorful by the moment. He had to find out what had happened at the inn. Barely glancing over his shoulder, he anxiously headed through the gate toward Corinth.

It was less than a mile past the pond and through the woods to the inn. Feducious had passed it many times on his way into the city. Cheiron said they had good food, and, he supposed, Kora was to be admired for managing her own business. But he had never been inside the place. Besides the Academy cadets, a crowd of farmers and traders seemed to frequent the place. He felt much more comfortable taking his meals quietly in his room at the Academy.

As Feducious rounded the last curve in the road, he could see the brightly painted inn through the trees. To his surprise, everything looked calm. There was no smoke coming out of the roof, or fire from the windows. No screaming or mayhem. He walked cautiously to the door and peered in.

"Hey, Feducious! You're too late! The contest is over." Hercules stopped sweeping up broken crockery to greet the teacher.

"Be careful!" cried a female voice. Feducius turned to see Iolaus and an attractive blonde woman pushing and pulling the garishly painted applause-o-meter-toward the back door of the inn. Otherwise, the place appeared to be empty.

Hercules put down his broom. "Let me get that," he said, lifting the large, colorful device with a grunt. "You get the door, Iolaus!" he said, his voice muffled as he tried to see over the edge of the large board. "Iolaus? Iolaus?" he called.

But Iolaus had followed the blonde into the kitchen, carrying only a tray and a smile.

"I'll get it," said Feducious, stepping gingerly around the large iron chandelier that lay in the middle of the floor.

"Thanks, Feducious," said Hercules as he maneuvered the large board through the doorway.

As the mystified teacher stood holding the door, Hercules came back in carrying a table. "Kora moved all the furniture out back, so there'd be more room in front of the stage," he explained as he set the table down near the chandelier. "Do you think if we can stack the tables we can get the chandelier high enough?" He looked up to where the some iron links of the fixture's chain still hung from a beam that crossed the ceiling.

"How did it fall?" Feducious asked, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

"Herc blasted it with the Chronos stone!" said Iolaus as he came out of the kitchen, a half-eaten apple in one hand.

"The Chronos stone?" Feducious was even more confused than ever. "The Chronos stone is myth. Isn't it?"

"Oh, no! It's real all right! And Ares wanted it! Good thing he didn't know you had it, Feducius, disguised as an old paperweight! He might have snuck up to your room at the Academy some night and grabbed it!" Feducious stepped back as Iolaus crept dramatically toward him, reaching out with both hands to grab an imaginary stone.

"Don't be ridiculous," he chided the cadet, trying not to smile at the twinkle in Iolaus's blue eyes. "Ares couldn't steal the stone, anyway. It must be given freely. Or so the myths say"

"That's right! And he would have won it fair and square if the cadets hadn't performed their new song and won the contest!" The blonde woman held out her hand in greeting as she introduced herself. "I'm Kora. Hercules and Iolaus saved the Chronos stone from Ares, but not my place!" She indicated the fallen chandelier with a wave of her hand as Hercules came through the back door with another table.

"When I lift the chandelier, you push the tables under it," he said, stepping into the huge iron circle.

"Come on, Feducius!" cried Iolaus, taking up a position behind one of the tables. "Okay, Herc! On three!" He tossed his apple away as he counted, "One! Two! Three!" Hercules lifted the iron wheel, and with a grunt, Iolaus pushed his table into position. Kora and Feducious moved the table on the other side, and the chandelier was on its way to the ceiling.

After several more tables were added to the pile, Hercules and Iolaus climbed up to the top. "Are you sure you know what you're doing? " Feducious asked Iolaus as he handed up a chair.

"No, worries, Feducious!" replied the cadet. "Herc lifts the chandelier, and I hook it up!" He waved an s-shaped iron hook he'd liberated from a plant hanger. "Piece of baklava!" he laughed.

"Be careful!" Feducious craned his neck to watch the work. The stack of tables looked quite precarious, and Iolaus's devil-may-care attitude did not make things seem more stable! On another count of three, Hercules lifted the chandelier up onto his shoulders, Iolaus placed his chair in the center of the table, climbed up, and with a quick move hooked the two ends of the chain together.

"Good as new, Kora!" Iolaus called down. The boys were laughing as Hercules let the hook take the weight off his shoulders and stepped back, crouching under the suspended chandelier. His position was awkward and then, suddenly, his foot slipped off the edge of the table! Feducious gasped as, with a dramatic flip in mid air, the lithe young demi-god landed safely on his feet and pushed him out of the way as the tables came crashing down around them.

Looking up amid the confusion, Feducious saw to his dismay that Iolaus had been left holding on to the newly re-hung chandelier by one hand, his feet swinging six feet above the floor. Despite his precarious position, the cadet seemed undaunted.

"See, what did I tell you? Good as new!" he cried, getting a grip with the other hand as the chandelier moved in a gentle arc. With a swing of his legs, he abruptly launched himself into Hercules's arms. "Nice catch, buddy!" he exclaimed, grinning broadly as he stood up and adjusted his vest.

Feducius picked up the fallen chair and sat down. Pulling a large handkerchief from his sleeve, he wiped the sweat from his face with a shaking hand, barely aware of the boys as they righted the fallen tables. They might have been killed! If not by the wrath of Ares, then by a ridiculous accident, and how would he ever have explained it to Cheiron?

"Lemonade?" He looked up as Kora offered him a tray of tall glasses. "You look a little pale," she added in a worried tone.

"Thanks, I'll be all right," he assured her, taking a long pull of the drink. "I think I should take these boys back to the Academy with me." He stood up. "Before they do any more damage!"

The stars filled the night sky as the teacher and his students walked back to the Academy. Even Iolaus was uncharacteristically silent, slashing half-heartedly at undergrowth with a switch as he walked.

"You know, Herc," he said at last. "I think we should try to get the band a gig at the Rialto! Did you notice how the chicks were into the music?"

"Iolaus, I think the band is no more!" Hercules replied. "I mean, how could we possibly top our performance today?"

"Yeah, you might be right," admitted Iolaus. "Having the fate of the world in the balance kind of put an edge on it, didn't it? Besides, after graduation, we'll need another bass player." Iolaus suddenly held the end of his stick to his mouth like a megaphone. "Here and now, I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away!" he sang.

"Bye, Feducious!" said Hercules with a wave as he and Iolaus headed off for the dormitory, singing the chorus of the song they'd written together.

Feducious turned alone toward his own room. Although they were so different, the half divine Hercules meticulous, thoughtful, and courageous; the all-too-human Iolaus feisty, creative, and daring, it seemed that together they could do anything. Perhaps it was true, he thought, that old saying that opposites attract. After the last year at the Academy, he could hardly imagine one boy without the other.

Feducious quietly closed his door. Those two were almost like Achilles and Patroclus on the plains of Troy, "Two friends, two bodies with one soul inspired," as the great Homer so aptly put it. He opened the window and gazed out over the quiet courtyard. One thing he was sure of. The Academy would seem a little dull after Hercules and Iolaus left to make their way in the wide world! Feducious smiled as a white owl rose up over the silent courtyard and soared into the night sky, moonlight glinting off her wings.

THE END

(December 2002.) This story was inspired by the Young Hercules episode The Prize and by some guys from Britannia who write songs. It grew out of my contributions to the Virtual Story written by the Iolausians at Gold Apple during the summer of 2002. See my episodes of that story at TIME CHASE.

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