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Monday 6/Feb/2006 - Waitangi Day

A new rumour has surfaced over the weekend, which being Waitangi Day I thought I should share with members. Apparently within the last week or so, a member of the Waimate Cricket Club, has lost his sponsorship by Richard Branson, as he no longer qualifies. For those of you that are unsure who Richard Branson is, he owns Virgin Air, and this 26 year old person plays second grade for the WCC. He is now known as the great maori shagging machine!!!!!!!...........but I will not mention names due to the confidentiality clause in his agreement with Branson.

Sat 30/Jan/2006

While I am on a roll, I have updated the 'juggernought' to let people know who is leading the ducks column for the season. Interesting to note, that while Jimmy Devlin is equal top in ducks currently, he is also top of both batting and bowling averages at the end of this weekends play. However there is a large number of people well positioned to take the lead in the 'ducks column'. some are listed below.

Tues 10/Jan/2006

Almost a year since any changes to this 'news' and 'gossip' page, but I thought that it was important to report from a recent gathering of members of the Waimate Cricket Club. Well there were only two members, but they were gathered at the Timaru Courthouse to respond to misdemeanours over the holiday period. At a pre-Xmas birthday bash, Mark (last name undisclosed) decided that driving home was the best option. WRONG! 6 months loss of license has curtailed his cricketing activities. Also attending court was Bob (last name undisclosed) for failing to use the proper ablution facilities on New Year's Eve. The general belief is that he was wallowing in childhood memories as seen in the photo. He has made a community donation since. Mark's appearance was under advisement of fellow club member Ruha (last name undisclosed), who is also currently walking/biking.

It appears that the moral to this story was that after prosecution, Bob should give Mark a ride home, and Mark should allow Bob to borrow his toilet.

Sat 13/Feb/2005

Well it has been a long time since I have been able to update the silly page, or any other pages for that matter. However things appear to have returned to normal (touchwood), and so I will try and quickly bring people up to date with the latest gossip and happenings with Waimate cricket.

Most people will know by now that Waimate played Celtic in the final of the One Day competition recently at Rockdale Road. A cracker day and a large turnout of supporters led Mark Medlicott, after seeing the Seniors in trouble early, to try and become the 'star/main attraction' of the day, as an ambulance was called to assist him. Enuff said!

Other developments include Justin dumping his long time girlfriend (and buying dark shades to bowl in), and subsequently the rest of his team mates noticing a marked improvement in his cricket. He probably now justifies calling himself an all rounder (watch out Kerry), but we won't expect too much.

Ash (the best cricketer on the council) according to Ashish Shah Verses: 1-10, has got over blocking one delivery and going out next ball, to working on his calling and running between wickets. He now has developed it to such an art, Sky Sport has brought in their slowmo cameras to see him moving.

	The 'Juggernought" trophy battle is starting to warm up near the end of the season, with unofficial results having Shep (the leading run scorer in the club when writing) now tied with Bob, Chucky and Hadley on 4 ducks. Molly and Clucas are close behind on 3, with Reub, Naffa, Dev, Chris Laming, Jimmy D, Greg P, Lites, Inky, Jem, Ash, and Meds hoping they are safe on 2.

"Sat 8/01/2005"

Since I had not much to write about this week due to the rain I asked some team mates to give a team talk with tips.

The first lesson was on the correct sports drinks to use. By the fitness look of this guy, I'm sure everyone believes him!	The second lesson is a fielding tip this week, and comes from the man who should probably be giving the drinking tips!

"Sat 11/12/04"

Kerry tells a number 10 batsman, whom it took him nearly 3 overs to dismiss; "Well batted to last that long".
There is obviously no lack of vanity or confidence in this bowler! Or did I hear the batsmen say in response that "Well mate, I chucked my wicket to get to the party"!

"Sat 13/11/04"

What is the mystery white sack all about? Found lying in the bar at the Waihao Forks pub, without an owner, and no obvious sponsors (Ravensdown, Summit- Quinphos, etc), a careful inspection was made and the bag found to be fill of cricket gear. After further investigation, it was found to be the publican's brothers cricket gear. We are not sure what state he was in when leaving the gear behind, but after it was returned to him on Saturday he certainly made good use of it. Yep!! That's Jim Doolan's Cricket Bag

"Sat 06/11/04"

Kerry Moves To Greener Pastures

After spending the season to date expounding on his virtues as a cricketer to all those that would listen (and the rest of Waimate who wouldn't) Kerry went and got himself a job on a dairy farm working (??) 8 days on and 2 off. As you can see above our intrepid interviewer got some candid responses! After the 2nd Grades continued success without him, its hard seeing what team he will make on his return.

In the meantime, Pete Wallace informed the team that he would take over from Kerry, and was last seen Saturday night driving Jug (hands firmly clutched about his ears) home telling him about his five wicket bag, and why he shouldn't be batting No 11. More to come on this transition from a "grey way" to a "redhead" no doubt!

"Sat 30/10/04"

Shep acquired a shiner somewhere (possibly the Empire) after cricket on this night. More info is required?

"Sat 16/10/04"

Bob's Not A Tosser!!
Yep thats right. Those of you who thought Bob was a 'tosser' are wrong! How do I know? I know because he sent me an email to prove it.

What am I on about? Well on Saturday Bob the Captain (not bob the builder) was late. Yep, late to the game and to the correct ground, so Murray Prattley stepped in and tossed the coin, winning the toss and inserting TBHS, who Sam annihilated with his 8 wickets, and leading to an easy victory for Waimate.

The predicament now is: Should Bob continue to stop tossing, or was tossing what kept him from tossing?

Read more in the next episode of SOAP!!

"Sat 9/10/04"

A new season and already there is astounding news at hand. After judgement was passed last season that perhaps 'alzheimers' was setting in for Jug Dyer after he stopped 'walking' and began asserting to anyone that would listen, that he was telling the truth, and had not hit the ball, we have now found the reason for these odd peculiarities.

Yes!! "Alzheimers (he's 52) is setting in." At practice this week gone he strolled into the nets for his turn at bat, clad in a new armguard to protect his 'soccer elbow' and wearing box, thighpad, batting gloves, and with his bat in tow. Taking guard, Shep gave him the evil stare and asked if he was sure he was ready? Jug assured him that he was, and so Shep being the decent fella that he is suggested, " Are you going to put some pads on?", to which Jug responded with an awed look, obvious to all onlookers. He had no idea he was semi naked in a batting sense!

P.S. As an aside Jug did top score for his team on Saturday, and Shep batted without a box! Maybe this 'alzheimers is catching'.

"Sat 24/1/04"

Not a quote or anything nasty, just a quick table showing players names and their number of ducks for the season, if they haven't checked or already know!

"Sat 13/12/03"

I never wanted to write this, but after scoring a fifty in his first game of the season, things have turned to 'shite' as Muzza got his 4th duck in a row. And would ya believe that he ran himself out, hit it straight to the fielder, and ran trying desperately to get off the mark and the fielder threw down the stumps.

He now leads in the race for the 'Juggernaught' trophy, doubling his nearest competitors Chucky, Ted, Jimmy, Ryser,Kerry and Sam

"Sat 6/12/03"

Due to early morning pressure (1.41am) the editor of Waimate Cricket Online was asked to remove a certain individuals "dropped dolly" from the main page. After all he never touched it! I quote below...
"cause i didnt even drop it, i just didnt get to it cause i brushed my hair...."
I ask myself is that why you stand with your heal of one foot resting on the shin of your other foot? Have you noticed this person do this? Anyway he was right. It didn't deserve to be in the dropped dollies column at all. It was much funnier, and longer lasting reading on this page about how the bowler never got to a caught and bowled chance as he was "brushing his hair".
This story will no doubt continue next week when his hands move from "brushing his hair to rubbing his balls!"

"Sat 29/11/03"

1.Lets hope the Waimate Volunteer Fire Brigade have plenty of volunteers.

Why you ask? Well after watching Ryser and Ham running to perform their civic service it looked as though an ambulance would be needed for them, letalone their being able to put out any fires.

2. Pete wins "faux-pas of the day award" after putting Justin's weights up. Having carefully got out of any jobs the gf had lined up for him, "because he had cricket the next weekend" Pete told her that he had the weekend off because of the bye!

"Sat 8/11/03"

1.An update on the ugly teenager saga (Sat 18/10 No4) while watching cricket in the sunshine yesterday at the Celtic Sports ground I was reliably informed that in fact it was not Justin who was wide-eyed and fascinated but young Molly who spent over ten minutes in the dairy waiting for an ice-cream while the others were outside wondering what was keeping him!!!...yes those young hormones were at work!!

2. The answer to all Ruha's batting problems (even after getting player of the day from Celtic for never troubling their scorer), would appear to be the 'pub hours' that he keeps! Yes his top score was scored last week after leaving the Friday night pub session at 8.00am Saturday. This week in attempting to get a night's sleep he awoke too early and went to the pub at 5.00am to start before the game and opened the innings with a lovely defensive stroke which resulted in his wickets tumbling...yep!! a golden duck!!..my advice is to stay out all night or forget the breakfast session!!

"Sat 1/11/03"

1 - JUG played the ball straight back to the bowler basically on a very wet outfield and 'out of his right mind' decided there was a run there and took off only to be sent back by Kerry who made a good call and Jug was left metres out !! WOT WAS HE THINKING ??

"Sat 25/10/03"

1 - Brendon Albrey was on strike with Justin Thompson umpiring, Brendon got a full ball outside off stump and it missed his bat by a good 15 centimetres while his bat hit the pitch, a half hearted apeal from TBHS and Justin somehow decided to give it out. Bob gave him a good mouthfull after that !! WORST UMPIRING DECISION EVER !!! And to finish it all off Justin gave Brendon a Mellowpuff to say sorry!! (hope it was of the food variety?)

2- Kerry took a catch off Cale's bowling and while everyone was running in to congradualate Kerry team members started taking the piss outta Kerry by "saying the women like it" after last weeks incidents(see quote 4 below). After this Kerry said "but they do" and started rubbing his tits which last week he called "big saggy mans breasts" This caused everyone to walk away in disgust while Kerry continued to fondle himself.

"Sat 18/10/2003"

1- Kerry got a wicket and Sammy D yelled out Kerry and Bob yelled out Juice and Kerry Started Thrusting his pelvis saying the women like it !!

2- Kerry Pysched out at Molly by throwing the Score book at him because Jarred tipped a bit of water on his back Kerry is quoted as saying "I dont give a Shit u can blooody do the book"

3- Kerry said the ball hit his finger tips and Justin thought he said tits, so Justin said "Did u say tits?" and Kerry said "Yeh my big saggy mans breasts" to which Justin replied "Kerry I dont wunna know about your problems."

4-Ruha and Molly and Justin went to the 4 Square Shop and there was a really really ugly teenage girl there, who Justin was quoted as saying after Molly and Ruha said she was fucken ugly "Shes not half bad I'd do her"

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