101 Reasons Not to Have Superpowers

Oh, to have superpowers. Able to travel the world saving people and being known as everyone's hero. Or to take the other route and become a terrfying villain able to get rich quick or even take over the world. Heck, even just a little extra power to make day-to-day life that much easier. It'd be great, wouldn't it?

WRONG!

Superheroes and villains not only have to deal with problems like you and I have to. They also have to deal with some really unique dilemmas as well.
So here I've compiled a list. One hundred and one reasons why you shouldn't have superpowers.
Let's start with the basics, shall we?

SUPER STRENGTH (Example: Superman)
-You'll be challenged to armwrestling by every drunk in the world.
-You're going to break EVERYTHING.
-More powerful than a locomotive just isn't as impressive as it used to be.
-No one will want to play any sports games against you.
-The one thing you can't lift will be the one thing everyone wants you to.
-Lose your temper once and you likely will take out your own home.
-You squash every animal you pet.

Someone called Superman "tiny."

Little known fact: The Flash's first costume was made of corduroy.
SUPER SPEED (Example: The Flash)
-The amount of bugs in your teeth will be insane.
-Your clothes may light on fire from friction.
-Neverending "faster than a speeding bullet" dirty jokes.
-One stumble and you're crashing into a building faster than Billy Joel.
-Going so fast to reverse the Earth's rotation won't turn back time, sorry.
-Neighbors won't like waking up to a sonic boom every morning.

FLIGHT (Example: Birdman)
-Two words: jet engines.
-Everyone wants a free ride.
-Does the name 'Icarus' ring a bell?
-Birds.
-Less oxygen up there.

Crap...

The only hero to get a hook for a hand to become MORE interesting.
TALKING WITH FISH (Example: Aquaman)
-You're Aquaman. Totally useless.

WEBBING (Example: Spiderman)
-Dude, you're tangling people in sticky white stuff. Ew.
-Isn't webbing flammable?
-You're going to have all sorts of things stuck to you.
-Getting tangled up in your own web.
-Your home will be filled with old cobwebs.

Oh god it's EVERYWHERE!

I don't see hair, do you?
FIRE (Example: The Human Torch)
-One word: rain.
-School isn't easy if you keep igniting your homework.
-Firefighters hate you.
-You won't be allowed near any parks or forests.
-Never, ever pump your own gas.
-You'll always be described as 'Flaming'.
-Constant loss of hair.

ICE (Example: Iceman)
-Making someone's drink cold stops being funny after the thousandth time.
-All your hard work is destroyed by the sun.
-Multiple lawsuits over slippery stairs.
-In the summer, children will chase you like the ice cream truck.
-You're pretty much useless at the equator.

DAMN YOU ICEMAN!

The Shocker was not allowed into the pool for everyone's safety.
ELECTRICITY (Example: Shocker)
-Don't try to get attached to any electronics.
-Eternal bed-head.
-Every sock in the world will stick to you at some point.
-Pool's closed for you, pal.
-You're going to be shocked by every doorknob in the world.
-Electomagnetic cling. A.K.A.: Metal flying into your face.

REGENERATION (Example: Wolverine)
-Congratulations! You're the punching bag.
-You're the one most likely to be tested on by 'scientists'.
-Forget cosmetic surgery, what you are is what you'll always be.
-No scars means no bellybutton.
-Just because it will grow back doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell.

Yes, I airbrushed away canon to make a point.

AnytimeCstumes.com subject? Or failed shapeshift? You decide.
SHAPESHIFTING (Example: Mystique)
-Do it too much and you may forget what you really look like.
-Odds are good you'll disguise yourself as someone, and their really ugly spouse will mistake you for them.
-Worst possible disguises: toilet, trashcan, etc.
-Just because you look like you have another superpower doesn't mean you do.
-Looking like someone isn't enough if you just can't dance like them.

GROWTH (Example: Apache Chief)
-Grow too large and gain your own gravity, knocking the Earth off orbit.
-Everyone can see up your nose.
-Constantly ripping out of your clothes.
-At some point or another, you will step on someone. Ever scrape poo off your shoe? Yeah, this is worse.
-Getting hit in the face with a house.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIInuk-chuk

The effects of regrowing INSIDE the housecat.
SHRINKING (Example: The Atom)
-Getting stepped on.
-It's pretty embarassing to be swallowed by a housecat.
-Kids will try to catch you in a jar.
-The dirty jokes write themselves.
-It's hard to breathe when you're smaller than oxygen.
-Adventuring inside someone sounds exciting, but really it's just gross.

MOVE THROUGH MATTER (Example: Shadowcat)
-Falling to the center of the Earth.
-You're not very good at catch.
-The violation you'll feel when someone walks through you.
-Good luck trying to eat.
-Stopping and getting stuck halfway through a wall is not fun.

It looked even more awkward on the other side of the wall.

And so a new villainess was born...
PSYCHIC POWERS (Example: Jean Grey)
-Never, EVER sneeze.
-One dirty thought and you'll get no respect.
-Your dreams may kill you or those near your bed.
-You do NOT want to know what's going on in other people's minds.
-Predicting the future can mean knowing exactly how you'll die.

INVISIBILITY (Example: The Invisible Woman)
-People will run into you at top speed.
-Anything from rain to smoke to mud can give you away.
-Clothes aren't usually invisible.
-Your hand-eye coordination has to be really good if you can't even see yourself.
-You'll never get any recognition.

Yeah, right...

Futurama fans know this paradox as "past nastification."
CONTROL TIME (Example: Hiro Nakamura)
-There is a risk you could live your entire life and die of old age before noon.
-It can be very awkward to realize that hottie over there is your great great grandmother.
-You have to be careful not to be mad at someone for something they haven't even done yet.
-Preventing your own birth is far too possible.
-Forget buying a coffee now with money from 2740.
-Constant migraine-inducing paradoxes.

IMMORTALITY (Example: Deadpool)
-You know that one thing you hate to do every day? Yeah, you're doing it forever.
-You could get so beaten, you spend a century in an iron lung.
-You get to watch generations of your decendants grow into jerks.
-You are ruler of boring old person stories.
-Everyone you know dies.

Just because you live forever doesn't mean your legs can't melt.

Aquaman, two guys with no real powers, a goody goody, a dominatrix, and some kids.
Yeah, great team you got there...
GENERAL (Stuff all supers must deal with)
-Someone with the same powers will turn against you, guaranteed.
-If you're a good guy, some ass is going to call you a "Super-Zero." You're going to want to kill him so bad.
-It's hard to avoid picking up a really obnoxious sidekick.
-If you're a bad guy, you're going to get your ass kicked by a guy in tights. Guaranteed.
-Secret identities are useless, you no longer have a social life.
-You miss saving one person and everyone turns on you.
-You have to listen to nerds argue about you for the rest of your life.
-There will be a movie about you. Odds are it will be crap.
-At some point you will be stuck in some obnoxious super group.
-Everyone's out to kill you.
-Lamer nicknames than usual.
-With great power comes great responsibility. Responsibility sucks.

And that's it.
101 valid reasons as to why certain powers, or any power, can make your life suck harder than it already does.
Take heed, and maybe you'll be a little better prepared just in case you do have that freak accident turning you into the next great hero or villain.
Just remember, when things start turning to crap...

I TOLD YOU SO.

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Website made by Stevan Szczytko and Angela Saenz, Drawings and comics by Stevan, all characters not created by me are trademarked and copyrighted by their various owners who are very nice and wouldn't sue me because i do these works because i'm a fan.....that and i have no money.

SUPER STRENGTH (Example: Superman) -You'll be challenged to armwrestling by every drunk in the world. -You're going to break EVERYTHING. -More powerful than a locomotive just isn't as impressive as it used to be. -No one will want to play any sports games against you. -The one thing you can't lift will be the one thing everyone wants you to. -Lose your temper once and you likely will take out your own home. -You squash every animal you pet.		Someone called Superman "tiny."
Little known fact: The Flash's first costume was made of corduroy.	SUPER SPEED (Example: The Flash) -The amount of bugs in your teeth will be insane. -Your clothes may light on fire from friction. -Neverending "faster than a speeding bullet" dirty jokes. -One stumble and you're crashing into a building faster than Billy Joel. -Going so fast to reverse the Earth's rotation won't turn back time, sorry. -Neighbors won't like waking up to a sonic boom every morning.
FLIGHT (Example: Birdman) -Two words: jet engines. -Everyone wants a free ride. -Does the name 'Icarus' ring a bell? -Birds. -Less oxygen up there.		Crap...
The only hero to get a hook for a hand to become MORE interesting.	TALKING WITH FISH (Example: Aquaman) -You're Aquaman. Totally useless.
WEBBING (Example: Spiderman) -Dude, you're tangling people in sticky white stuff. Ew. -Isn't webbing flammable? -You're going to have all sorts of things stuck to you. -Getting tangled up in your own web. -Your home will be filled with old cobwebs.		Oh god it's EVERYWHERE!
I don't see hair, do you?	FIRE (Example: The Human Torch) -One word: rain. -School isn't easy if you keep igniting your homework. -Firefighters hate you. -You won't be allowed near any parks or forests. -Never, ever pump your own gas. -You'll always be described as 'Flaming'. -Constant loss of hair.
ICE (Example: Iceman) -Making someone's drink cold stops being funny after the thousandth time. -All your hard work is destroyed by the sun. -Multiple lawsuits over slippery stairs. -In the summer, children will chase you like the ice cream truck. -You're pretty much useless at the equator.		DAMN YOU ICEMAN!
The Shocker was not allowed into the pool for everyone's safety.	ELECTRICITY (Example: Shocker) -Don't try to get attached to any electronics. -Eternal bed-head. -Every sock in the world will stick to you at some point. -Pool's closed for you, pal. -You're going to be shocked by every doorknob in the world. -Electomagnetic cling. A.K.A.: Metal flying into your face.
REGENERATION (Example: Wolverine) -Congratulations! You're the punching bag. -You're the one most likely to be tested on by 'scientists'. -Forget cosmetic surgery, what you are is what you'll always be. -No scars means no bellybutton. -Just because it will grow back doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell.		Yes, I airbrushed away canon to make a point.
AnytimeCstumes.com subject? Or failed shapeshift? You decide.	SHAPESHIFTING (Example: Mystique) -Do it too much and you may forget what you really look like. -Odds are good you'll disguise yourself as someone, and their really ugly spouse will mistake you for them. -Worst possible disguises: toilet, trashcan, etc. -Just because you look like you have another superpower doesn't mean you do. -Looking like someone isn't enough if you just can't dance like them.
GROWTH (Example: Apache Chief) -Grow too large and gain your own gravity, knocking the Earth off orbit. -Everyone can see up your nose. -Constantly ripping out of your clothes. -At some point or another, you will step on someone. Ever scrape poo off your shoe? Yeah, this is worse. -Getting hit in the face with a house.		IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIInuk-chuk
The effects of regrowing INSIDE the housecat.	SHRINKING (Example: The Atom) -Getting stepped on. -It's pretty embarassing to be swallowed by a housecat. -Kids will try to catch you in a jar. -The dirty jokes write themselves. -It's hard to breathe when you're smaller than oxygen. -Adventuring inside someone sounds exciting, but really it's just gross.
MOVE THROUGH MATTER (Example: Shadowcat) -Falling to the center of the Earth. -You're not very good at catch. -The violation you'll feel when someone walks through you. -Good luck trying to eat. -Stopping and getting stuck halfway through a wall is not fun.		It looked even more awkward on the other side of the wall.
And so a new villainess was born...	PSYCHIC POWERS (Example: Jean Grey) -Never, EVER sneeze. -One dirty thought and you'll get no respect. -Your dreams may kill you or those near your bed. -You do NOT want to know what's going on in other people's minds. -Predicting the future can mean knowing exactly how you'll die.
INVISIBILITY (Example: The Invisible Woman) -People will run into you at top speed. -Anything from rain to smoke to mud can give you away. -Clothes aren't usually invisible. -Your hand-eye coordination has to be really good if you can't even see yourself. -You'll never get any recognition.		Yeah, right...
Futurama fans know this paradox as "past nastification."	CONTROL TIME (Example: Hiro Nakamura) -There is a risk you could live your entire life and die of old age before noon. -It can be very awkward to realize that hottie over there is your great great grandmother. -You have to be careful not to be mad at someone for something they haven't even done yet. -Preventing your own birth is far too possible. -Forget buying a coffee now with money from 2740. -Constant migraine-inducing paradoxes.
IMMORTALITY (Example: Deadpool) -You know that one thing you hate to do every day? Yeah, you're doing it forever. -You could get so beaten, you spend a century in an iron lung. -You get to watch generations of your decendants grow into jerks. -You are ruler of boring old person stories. -Everyone you know dies.		Just because you live forever doesn't mean your legs can't melt.
Aquaman, two guys with no real powers, a goody goody, a dominatrix, and some kids. Yeah, great team you got there...	GENERAL (Stuff all supers must deal with) -Someone with the same powers will turn against you, guaranteed. -If you're a good guy, some ass is going to call you a "Super-Zero." You're going to want to kill him so bad. -It's hard to avoid picking up a really obnoxious sidekick. -If you're a bad guy, you're going to get your ass kicked by a guy in tights. Guaranteed. -Secret identities are useless, you no longer have a social life. -You miss saving one person and everyone turns on you. -You have to listen to nerds argue about you for the rest of your life. -There will be a movie about you. Odds are it will be crap. -At some point you will be stuck in some obnoxious super group. -Everyone's out to kill you. -Lamer nicknames than usual. -With great power comes great responsibility. Responsibility sucks.