A Guide to Good Parenting for Bad Parents
by Paul Haworth
The River Metaphor
When my children grew communicable I told them this story. The journey of
life is like a river. At its source a river is just a stream, small and
fragile and the water there is pure and clear. As that river heads
downstream, it grows bigger and stronger but it also gathers impurities such
as sediment and pollution. Expand on these ideas and relate them to life,
explaining how we must avoid too many impurities or else we might end up a
dead river. If your children are advanced, why not try encompassing
erosional features, confluences and hydro-electric power into the story.
I Wish You Were Never Born
Which parent hasn't said this at sometime? Don't sweat it, it happens to
the best of us, so let it go and get on with your life.
Does She Have a Habit?
Places to check: I used to keep my spliffs in empty cassette cases until my
mum went looking for my copy of `Cloud Nine' by George Harrison, acid tabs
are invariably hidden within the pages of a Variety International Film
Guide, probably from '97, pill-based substances may be in rain sticks or the
surface of an elaborate wargames board and needles, well, I'll leave you to
figure that one out.
Do: Read her diary. That's where the home truths hide.
Don't: Creep into her bedroom whilst she's sleeping and smother her head
with a pillow, screaming, "Where's your drugs?" This will damage her bond
of trust.
Dinner Tables Confessions
Brian seems distant. Lately he's been different, I don't know what it is
but he's been hanging with strange boys in ill-fitting trousers. He's
barely touched his food. Mary has noticed and she's looking at me and Tracy
has noticed Mary and now she's looking at me. Once again it's Pop who
cracks the whip. Brian, anything the matter? I'm gay, I'm pregnant,
there's a lump, Dad I saw you last night. Whatever the confession, I'm not
going to let anything tear this family apart. "If you ever, ever speak of
that again I shall murder your sister, your mother and then I shall kill
myself."
Perfect Moments
These are the times when you don't feel like a disdainful spectator of your
family and if you're a guy it's when you don't hate your woman for ruining
your life. For me these moments included the time I headbutted my son's
primary school teacher at parent's evening with the whole family watching
and when I broke our cat's neck.
When Mummy Dies
Tell the kids on an empty stomach so their minds will be on other things.
Leaving Home
I am my own person. You've been a part of me for fourteen years and now I
want me back. I want to rediscover who I am. Look, don't cry, stop it,
consider this to be a flood channel redirecting excess water into a storage
reservoir. I want to get on with my life and you're just not a part of it
anymore. I will always love you.
When Words Aren't Enough
Somewhere in the last twenty years physical abuse has got itself a bad name.
But the secret to any good relationship is communication and violence is
the forgotten arm of communication
Finally
No one said parenting was going to be easy. But sometimes stop and ask
yourself, "Am I really a bad parent or are they bad children?"