Quotes
This is a place for random quotes that are meaningful or intriguing that I've encountered and actually remembered. Enjoy!
"There are your jobs, and there are your hobbies. Your job is your income, major in that. Your hobbies are for yourself." -my dad, in one of our college major discussions
"The variable m stands for slope because it sounds like it. See? Mmmmmmmmmm-slope." -Smeltzer, statistics teacher
"I learned Yoga so I could touch my toes. Yea, now when I play golf I can put the tee in the ground without bending my knees." -LaTurner, sociology professor
"Failure is an event, not a person." -Camann, western music teacher
"And since the derivative of 1 goes to shit..." -a calculus friend
"I'm not a bum. I prefer to call it being comfortable." -the same calculus friend
"Smart people can get Fs. Don't ask me how I know this." -Camann, western music teacher
"Your test score is not a reflection on your worth as a person, or a reflection on how smart you are." (discussing our recent horrible test scores) -Camann, western music teacher
"I'm finding now that it's easier not to work.. through orgo... 'a molecule will exist in the conformation where its most relaxed'" -Faloryn
(about cafeteria food) "You might as well not eat it, it's gonna come back out the same way" -Dadave
(after mentioning overload in work) "Yea, I think I have a paper due tomorrow.." -Mike, western music TA
"So just think about those ideas for a moment while I organize myself... Are you guys thinking? I can't really tell." -LaTurner, sociology professor
(after explaining that the Atlantic Ocean is 19ft higher than Pacific Ocean at the Panama Canal) "So I wondered, is the world in an infinite waterfall? And would it ever run out of water?" -Jay, calculus TA
(discussing the different physics professors) "You're lucky you got Jack (my phys prof). The others are the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse!" -random visitor in physics TA session
"Well... if it'll make you guys work faster... (yells) 50 points to everyone if they all get out of here in 20 minutes!" (...a while later) student:"Are you really gonna give us those points?" "Nah, I was only kidding." -Ryan, organic lab TA
"I'm a law abiding person." -Vishik, diffeq professor, a teacher who rarely smiles and was talking about math and its conditions
"You're asking 'do you get a B or C with a 60?' (looks at given grade distribution 40-60=C, 60-80=B) Oh, I don't know." -Anslyn, organic chemistry professor
"Corduroy? Isn't that the pants that are lined? The ones that are d-d-d-duh? At least that's the sound it makes when cars run over it." -Don
"As I draw more and more radicals, the lone pairs are going more insane." -Krische, substitute organic professor
"How are we doing on water?" -waitress, checking up on us when we had no appetizers or entrees out, just glasses of water
(explaining that "impressive" circus acts are easier) "So next time you go to a circus and see them doing that, don't applaud. They're doing the easier way." -Turner, physics professor
(after the business majors raised their hands) "...ok, you're all going to jail." -Kaulbach, english professor
"The professors lie to you. You lie back to them. Then you lie to get your job, lie to your boss about how it works, and they give you a raise. Everyone's happy." -Meyer, organic chemistry professor, explaining that no one really knows if mechanisms are accurate
"And for you english majors, the word 'ain't' becomes 'is not capable of becoming'" -Kaulbach, english professor
"...it will make it a lot more much easier." -Staefe, electronic music teacher
"Now you'll be getting in pairs of two.... that was redundant." -Fjetland, organic lab professor
"Did you email me your essay?... I must have confused it with one of those penis enlargement emails and deleted it." -Kaulbach, english professor
"So could we say something like 'class Mazda extends idiot'?" -random student in CS discussion about inheritance, Mazda being the name of the grader who has not been doing his job
"It's time for the academic beauty contest." -Kaulbach, english professor, about course instructor surveys
"You know if an airplane crashes, at 300mph the only use those seat cushions and blow up vests do is find the body faster." -Meyer, organic chemistry professor
"The story Cain and Abel, the discovery of men's favorite indoor sport..." -Kaulbach, english professor, about murder
"I have jack in my notes... Hi Jack!" -Jonny
"So we pick a random point in the plane." (points into thin air) "I'm gonna pick this point. Yea, I like this point. Come here." -Guy, matrices professor
"Everyone likes to talk about themself, as bad as that sounds." -Jackie, my sophomore year roommate
"And remember, if you need to kill someone, don't leave a body." -Schimelman, fencing coach
(about some chemical) "It's used as a fertilizer. It's also used as an explosive. I would know because... well, let's just say I'm lucky I still have both eyes." -Makarov, physical chemistry professor
"Whatever you try to do to the system, the system will try to screw you up." -Makarov, physical chemistry professor
"It's not about finding happiness, it's more like being content with your life." -Tinachris
"I'm being cruel to be kind." -Wheeldon, ear training professor
(on an overhead for lab safety, the TA wrote "Jose is cool! Jose is the Shiznit!") "I dunno how that got up there. She [lab director] must have made a slip." (...after "Jose for president!" and "All will bow down to Jose") "...yea, I don't think she's ever going to let me do this again..." -Jose, analytical head TA
"HCN is a lethal gas, it will cause death." "Hey guys, this is VERY important." -Dr Ruth and Shear, analytical chemistry lab director and professor
"Don't hold this, because it might feel good at first but it will kill you." Dr Ruth, analytical lab director, talking about a 20kV wire
(discussing music history) "So while Beethoven was getting busy dying..." -Pearsall, music theory professor
(stern, shocked look) "...OH! That's my phone vibrating!" "The question is where did you put it to react that way?" -Amanda, achem lab TA and a student (the phone was in her back pocket)
"Not too surprisingly, discoveries about hydrocarbons typically come from people experimenting on alcohol." -Russell, biochemistry professor
"So, who is this person?... what are his interests? What turns him on?" -Mitra, CS professor, a teacher who is considered sweet and caring, and usually rather serious and straightforward
"If the fire alarm sounds, go outside and across the street, not next to the building's window. I have an explanation for those who do stand by the window when it explodes: natural selection." -Angie, stockroom safety person
"Today I'm gonna destroy what you learned in freshmen chemistry." -Stanton, quantum chemistry professor
"This is the basic most easiest obvious answer. Wait, basic easiest most obvious..." -Ernst, music theory teacher
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