TITLE: Zip then Fasten
AUTHOR: Michael J. Gallagher ( mikejoe@odyssey.net )
SYNOPSIS: Harper has an odd habit that turns out to reveal something about his background (answer to SS five minute challenge)
CHARACTERS: Harper and Dylan
RATING: Probably PG
DISCLAIMER: Tribune owns GRA; I am just having fun. But get my permission to use it.
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"Zip then fasten," Harper said.
"Excuse me?" Sitting on the opposite bunk in the _Eureka Maru's_ bunk area, Dylan looked up from pulling one boot on to where Harper was finishing putting on his pants.
"What?" Harper said.
"You said something?"
"No ... no. Don't sweat it, Boss."
"Ok." Dylan pulled on the other boot. There was something about the way Harper said it that got Dylan's attention -- the _Andromeda's_ engineer usually acted this way when he was being evasive.
But what could he possibly have to hide about the way he put on his pants?
****************
The day on Petrograd Drift went well. While the drift traders tried to double-cross Dylan and Harper on the parts they needed, it was no more so than normal and a skillful game of "good cop/bad cop" resolved most of the trouble.
After dinner, against his better judgement, Dylan allowed Harper to lead him to an exotic dance club. Even before he was drunk, Harper was making a fool of himself -- and glowering a little that some of the girls found Dylan more attractive -- but they still had a laugh. And a couple of the dancers _did_ make a point of talking to Harper. Dylan saw the looks in their eyes and stayed out of it; he had seen that same look in Rommie's eyes. They felt sorry for him. (Although one did mention something about Harper being "the cutest little thing." Dylan had seen _that_ look on Rommie's face too.)
Neither man was sure _exactly_ how they got back to the _Maru,_ or how many more beers they drank before turning in. But thanks to the alcohol, they had no trouble getting to sleep.
But the whole time -- even as he got hammered -- Dylan still wondered what Harper was hiding.
***********************
"Zip then fasten."
"This morning I can see it," Dylan said, his head throbbing. Where had his other sock run off to?
"Huh?"
"Reminding yourself how to put your pants on."
"Oh, that." Harper forced a grin. "Yeah, we got pretty hammered last night. But those chicks dug me, didn't they?"
"Yes ... Still, it's a curious habit, actually saying, 'zip then fasten.' Now that I think about it, you've done it on the other trips you've taken on the _Maru._ Do you do it all the time?"
"Yeah, Dylan. No big deal -- just a funny way of doin' somethin'." But he was being evasive again. "No big deal, right?"
"No, of course not."
"Right."
Harper left the bunk area just as Dylan captured his wayward sock and finished dressing. Harper was halfway through his orange juice as Dylan poured his. The young engineer seemed very thoughtful.
"Something on your mind, Mr. Harper?"
"Well, uh .... Dylan, how much do you need to know about us, really?"
"In what regard?"
"Well, you know, personal stuff."
"Unless it has a bearing on the safety of my ship and my crew, I don't need to know."
"And if there is something that could, I dunno, bite us in the ass later?"
"But that crew member is reluctant to divulge it?"
"Right."
Dylan inhaled. "_I_ would need to know such information, and Rommie should know, too. But we will keep that information strictly confidential. Or as confidential as you can with a crew of five."
"Yeah ... that's it, isn't it? Still the way our luck runs .... " Harper took a deep breath. "Ok, Boss. It has to do with my dataport, with the reason I have it." He paused. "It's how the Than medicos on Earth treat mental illness among human refugees. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, Dylan."
"WHAT!?" Dylan hadn't expected anything like this.
"Yep." Harper tapped the metal plug in his neck. "The biochips this thing's connected to regulate my brain chemistry so I don't hear voices and think Rommie is a demon out to kill me. And they watch out for brain tumors, too."
"But how did you learn to use it to interface with computer systems?" Dylan asked.
"How did you learn to use your right hand?" Harper said. "It's in your head and you're aware of it. I'm not the only patient who figured out how to do it." Harper pointed to his head. "Ya got a lemon, make lemonade."
"Does Beka know?"
"Nope. She thinks I scraped some money together and bought it. And there just happens to be a clinic on Infinity that I stop in at for a check-up at when I go surfin', so she never saw it being reprogammed. You're the first person I ever told."
"And the 'First zip, then fasten' ... ?"
"Sayin' that runs a self diagonostic routine. Since I haven't tried to bury a fork in your head, it's fine."
Dylan thought for a minute, digesting this.
"Very well," he said at length. "You should tell Trance about this. And I'll inform Rommie. Other than that .... " Dylan shrugged. "I'm sorry, Mr. Harper. You seem to have had a rough life."
"And it took you a year to figure that out? Where have you been?"
"I wonder sometimes, Mr. Harper."
"Well I, capitane Hunt, am in the _Maru's_ galley, fixin' to have some breakfast, and then I recommend we get all them parts back to that big, silver, Glorious Headache we call home."
"Very good, Mr. Harper .... Wait a minute, where did you hear the phrase 'Glorious Headache'?"
"Uhhhhhhh ..... "
"Never mind; I won't tell Rommie. And if you know what's good for you, _you_ won't tell her, either."
"Ok, Boss, but I meant it in a good way ... "
*****************
Harper pulled his pants up. "Zip then fasten."
Rommie's hologram appeared in front of him. "Biochip diagnostic complete. System running at 100% efficiency. No errors reported." Rommie sounded professional as always, but there was something else in her eyes.
She felt sorry for him.
"Hey," Harper said. "I'm good, I'm good. So you know my 'dirty little secret,' but it's still me, right?"
"Yeah." Rommie smiled. "You still are the cutest little thing."
THE END
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