The Trinity of Vanity
Title: The Trinity of Vanity
Author: D. Lerious
Rating: PG
Summary: Crossover. Several scenes in which Cat from Red Dwarf is the personality of the Andromeda's AI, with results that prove this fact: You can trust Cat to Cat.
Disclaimer: Red Dwarf and Andromeda belong to their respective companies.
Dylan: (on com) Cat! I need you at Command.
Avatar Cat: (looking at mirror) Coming.
2 hours later
Dylan: (to holo-cat on Bridge) What is he doing?
Holo-Cat: Probably trying to improve what can't be improved, his wonderful looks.
Dylan: Hmmmph.
2 hours after that
Dylan: Cat! Sometime today would be good. Stop your grooming and come to command!
Avatar Cat: (on comm) What if we run into hot women? I'm not gonna let myself be seen with less than perfect looks just because Captain Let's- help- everybody urges me to. Besides, I gotta apply my hair gel.
Holo-cat: He has a point Captain. Keeping up our fantastic good looks takes time and effort. It takes me at least 5 hours to pixilate the right hairstyle and uniform.
Ship Cat: It takes me about 8 hours to choose my uniform and hair each day. So many possiblities so little time.
Harper: No wonder sensors can never detect hostile ships until they shoot at us.
Ship Cat: Hey! just cause I'm a warship that doesn't mean I'm gonna neglect myself! I'm worth it! Speaking of looks, know what really annoys me?
Holo-Cat: What?
Ship Cat: What I hate is that you and Avatar Cat have great asses, while I don't have one
Holo-Cat: but your hair and complexion are perfect!
Beka: We're about to go into battle and all you can talk about is each other's looks and asses?
Holo-Cat: You're just jealous that your ass don't look as good as mine!
Onward To Chapter 2!
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