TITLE: The Present (A Christmas Story)
AUTHOR: Michael J. Gallagher ( mikejoe@odyssey.net )
SYNOPSIS: Rommie wants to give Harper an XMas present, but what do you give the man who thinks Scrooge was right?
RATING: PG at most
DISCLAIMER: GRA is owned by Tribune; I am making NO money off this. But ask me if you want to archive it.
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****DECEMBER 23 -- 2025 SHIP TIME****
"Harper?" Rommie said, looking over to where the young blonde human was manning the command podium. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"You've seen me in the shower, Rom Doll, so you should know -- "
"HARPER! I'm trying to be nice!" Rommie snarled. Then she calmed down: "Please try and take this seriously."
"Ok." He looked up at the beautiful android he'd created, who embodied the ship around him.
"On Earth, do they still celebrate Christmas?"
Harper inhaled. "Yeah."
"It doesn't sound like it evokes any pleasant memories."
"Welll .... it wasn't that bad, I guess," Harper said. "The Nietzscheans let the Than aid workers put on parties and stuff in the camps. We had trees and presents and all that stuff. And I always got a kick outta who decided to let a bug put on a white beard and pretend to be Santa Claus .... "
"But you never enjoyed it."
"Every Christmas, there was one less member of my family there to celebrate; the last one before I left Earth, there was just me. Only good thing is it's a chance to get drunk -- eggnog, that I can handle. The rest, Scrooge was right -- bah, humbug."
"Oh." Rommie turned away.
"Why?"
"Nothing."
"No, you asked for a reason."
Rommie turned back to Harper. "Look. We've known each other for over a year. You know me better than almost any engineer who's ever been aboard me, maybe even better than my designers. And as you alluded to earlier, I know a lot about you. I may know you even better than Beka does. That _should_ make us close, and I count you as one of the closest friends I've ever had. But what do we have to show for it? A year of ticking each other off on a regular basis. There should be
_something_ more than that, and I thought that if I gave you a Christmas present, that would be a good start."
"Oh! You want to give me something? That's different." Harper started to become more combative. Rommie braced herself; this was going to be bad.
"Howzabout, a cure for the Magog larvae in my gut?" Harper said.
"Something else," Rommie answered.
"Eighty-four thousand Thrones, plus interest?"
"Harper, please -- "
"Oh, I know -- a beautiful, fully functional android, naked in my bed."
"HARPER!!"
"Then you don't got nothing that I want!"
"I've given you a home!"
"Yeah, and thanks to these buggers in my gut -- which, as far as I'm concerned, you've just admitted there's no cure for -- you'll be my funeral home -- !!"
"Is there a problem here?" Tyr said as he came onto the bridge.
"No!" Harper and Rommie chorused.
"Are you taking the watch?" Harper asked.
"Yes," Tyr answered.
"Good!" Harper was up the ramp and out the door in a few quick bounds. Rommie spun on her heel to face the nearest control panel and tried to calm down.
"What's he done this time, Ship?" Tyr asked.
"Nothing you should concern yourself with," Rommie said.
"Nevertheless, he seems to have upset you." The Nietzschean came down the ramp to stand by her side.
"What do you care? You've never even addressed me by name. You're concerned about whether my feelings have been hurt?"
"As long as I am on this ship, my survival depends on your condition, and that includes your emotional condition. So, what has he done?"
"Nothing .... Well, I offered to get him a Christmas present. He threw the offer back in my face."
"And you intended this as a way to, um, 'bury the hatchet'?"
"In something besides his head, yes."
"A christmas present from a ship to her engineer." Tyr smiled. "Well, why not?"
"I don't need your cynicism, thank you."
"I'm not being cynical. Some of my best memories from childhood are of 'Christmas' celebrations."
"Nietzscheans celebrating Christmas? What's next, Magog vegetarians? I'll buy a Magog monk, but that would be a stretch."
"Do not scoff, Ship. True, the religious and philosphical trappings of 'Christmas' were not emphasized. However, celebrations related to Earth's winter solstice were seen as a time for uniting disparate family members, and celebrating the importance of family."
"Which would be very important to Nietzscheans given how much value you place on procreation," Rommie mused. "And Harper associates Christmas with the loss of his family, so much so he gets his back up at the mention of it. Damn! And I can't do anything -- " She broke off; a moment later, her face lit up. "No, wait, there is something! Tyr, you're a genious!" She gave Tyr a kiss on the cheek and raced off the brige.
"You're welcome," Tyr said, feeling a bit disoriented.
****DECEMBER 24 -- 1610 SHIP TIME****
"Hey, Dylan?" Beka said as she entered his office. "What's up?"
"Nothing," the _Andromeda's_ captain answered. "Why?"
"Rommie said you wanted to see me, pronto."
"No, I can't think of anything -- "
The hatch slid open; Rev Bem entered.
"I hope I'm not tardy," the Magog monk said; obviously, he had run part of the way. "Andromeda said you wanted to see me?"
"No, Rev," Dylan said, "I can't think -- "
"Oh, good, you're all here," Rommie said as she entered the room, a flexie in her hand.
"Andromeda," Dylan said, "two of my officers had impression I wanted to see them -- "
"I told them to report here. That's not the same thing. The fact is .... _I_ wanted you all here."
"Really?" Dylan's curiosity had been piqued. "For what?"
"It took me a while to figure it out," Rommie said. "Legal codes make slip stream calculations look easy. And then there's the small matter of whether two civilian spacers could act as witnesses on what is essentially a military document. The FTA may have started off with the Commonwealth Laws of the Spacelanes, but then they got even more labyrinthine -- "
"Rommie," Dylan said flatly.
"Right." Rommie smiled and put the flexie on Dylan's desk. "I need you to approve and sign this, Dylan, with Beka and Rev -- your first officer and science officer -- as witnesses." She stood back and held her smile.
"All right." Always willing to oblige the ship's AI, Dylan picked up the flexie and read it, Beka and Rev reading over his shoulders.
Rommie kept smiling.
Dylan's, Rev's, and Beka's smiles became frowns.
Rommie kept smiling.
Dylan, Rev, and Beka stopped reading the felxie and looked at Rommie as if she had gone stark raving bonkers.
Rommie kept smiling, hoping her expression didn't prove they were right.
Dylan cleared his throat. "Um, Andromeda -- "
"Yes!" Rommie kept smiling.
"Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Absolutely, Dylan, as sure as I've ever been of anything."
"Really?" Beka said.
"Really." Rommie kept smiling.
"No reservations, at all," Rev said. "This is, in its own way, an awesome undertaking."
"I know, but I am prepared for it." Rommie still kept smiling.
Dylan exchanged looks with Beka and Rev and sighed. "All right. Captain Beka Valentine, Brother Behemiel Far Traveler, do you agree to witness this document?"
They agreed. Dylan signed it, and passed it to Beka and Rev who signed it in turn. Then Rommie snatched it off the desk and raced out of the room.
"I knew it," Beka said, looking at the hatch that had shut behind the ship's avatar. "The Universe is nuts."
"You're finally learning," Rev said.
****DECEMBER 25 -- 0938 SHIP TIME****
Harper found Rommie waiting for him when he got to Machine Shop two to start his shift. He hadn't seen her since their enounter on the bridge a couple of days before.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," she answered.
Calling it an awkaward moment would be an understatement.
"Listen, um," Harper said, "I'm sorry about the other day. It's just -- "
"It's quite all right, Harper. I got you something anway. It's over there." She pointed to a wall counter. "Merry Christmas."
Harper walked over to the counter; there was a small, rectangular box wrapped in red and green paper with a red ribbon on it. Harper read the small card attached to it: "H -- Merry XMas -- R"
"For me?" Harper said. He sounded as if he didn't believe it.
Rommie nodded and kept smiling.
Harper ripped off the wrapping paper and opened the box and found a flexie inside. He read it. "Hmm, yes, very nice. Thank you, Rommie."
"You're welcome!"
"What is it?"
"HARPER -- !"
"I'm not makin' fun o' ya, Rommie. I just don't know what all that legal gobbledygook means. Techincal gobbledygook, yes, but any legalese other than 'paternity test' slipstreams between my ears."
"Oh." Rommie hoped her smile didn't betray the battle groups of butterflies that were refighting the Battle of Witch Head somewhere in her abdomen. "Technically, it's a B43-1.082-A982.L.K.7-679 Special Circumstances Adult Custody Order, but the short version is ... " she didn't have to breathe, but she found herself taking a deep breath anyway. " ... I've adopted you."
"WHAT!?"
"Legally, you and I are now family. Merry Christmas, Harper."
It was a while before he could say something.
"Rommie, I .... this has to be the nicest ... c'mere."
Harper hugged Rommie and cried into her shoulder, letting out long, heaving sobs. The android held her new family member lightly, her own tears trickling down her cheeks.
"Jeez, Rommie .... " Harper pulled away a little. "I been such a jerk .... "
"It's ok, Harper."
"But if you can't get the Magog out .... "
"I'll work on that for next year." Rommie grinned devilishly. "And if it doesn't happen, Santa will get to see if his sleigh can outrun one of my missile barrages."
THE END
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