TITLE: Personal Demons
AUTHOR: Viridian5
RATING: R
SPOILERS: "Devil Take the Hindmost."
SUMMARY: Harper clarifies his position on the Magog for Dylan.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda belong to Gene Roddenberry’s estate, Majel Roddenberry, and Tribune Entertainment Company. None of them are mine at all, and I’m putting them back when I’m done with them, though I can’t promise that they won’t be disturbed in the process.
NOTES: Dark story alert.
It annoyed me that "Devil..." didn’t let us know how anyone on the crew aside from Tyr reacted to Dylan and Rev letting those Magog mature. I was especially curious about Harper’s reaction. Then I saw "Its Hour Come Round at Last," and I had to know....
It didn’t surprise Dylan to see Harper waiting for him at the door to his quarters, even though he’d hoped for otherwise. He knew this conversation would have been difficult even if he’d been at his best, and he was far from.
"Mr. Harper."
Harper nodded and rocked a little. He had his arms crossed and his hands clenched hard on his upper arms. "Dylan." Too steady voice.
It unnerved Dylan to see how much self-control Harper was attempting. "I did the best I could with the information I had, and I had to respect their decision." He didn’t have to justify himself, but he wanted Harper to know.
"You know what I think your best would have been, so I’m not going to bother. No good talking about it, right? You’re not going to turn Andromeda around and wipe the Magog off the face of the planet based off of anything I could say, so why bother, right? As for ‘respecting their decision,’ the Hajira were morons. Okay, maybe they didn’t know better, but this was really a place where protecting people from themselves--and protecting the rest of us from their mistakes--would have been a good idea." Harper rocked again, elaborately casual. "So. Were the new Magog, you know, innocent and rational and all? I guess they ripped into those people for completely innocent, rational reasons. I guess those ancestral memories did a hell of a lot of good there. Born ‘innocent,’ my ass."
Dylan didn’t need to hear this. He already had parts of it running through his head at certain times, no matter that Arun had chosen the Magog, seeing them as kin and his people’s salvation. Arun and the Hajira had made their choice, and Dylan had to respect it.
It didn’t mean that he couldn’t have misgivings. Or that he wanted to hear those misgivings spoken aloud. "Harper--"
"You know, the Divine really is good and all, but Wayists are even better at rationalizing than the rest of us. Rev probably doesn’t see anything wrong here. I mean, that girl was good as dead; nothing could save her. But his babies were alive. Why compound a tragedy by killing more beings, right? New life makes her death have meaning." Harper’s mouth twisted. The emotion blazing inside him seemed to sharpen and harden the lines of his face, making him look far less boyish. Yet he spoke so lightly, almost in a mockery of his usual tones. "Eventually that whimpering pile of meat probably didn’t even seem human anymore. Anyway, the babies can’t survive outside before they’re ready, and the babies need food. Rev’s babies." When Harper shook his head, it seemed more like a shudder. "I think I’ll avoid Rev for the next few days."
Sometimes Dylan wondered if Rev had been so careful to keep him away from Tiama in case she’d changed her mind about living to be a host and wanted to be mercy killed. "I thought you said that you weren’t going to do this."
Harper seemed to shake it off, but the brightness that replaced it looked far too brittle. "Oh, yeah. Silly Harper. Okay, okay. I’m good. I just wanted you to promise me something. If I ever get impregnated, I want you to kill me."
The twisting in Dylan’s gut increased. "It won’t come to that."
"Promise me. I know you’ll keep your word if I make you give it. Kill me. I don’t care if somebody tells you that the Magog that’ll slowly rip through my body as they feast on me will grow up to create lasting peace or restore the Commonwealth. I. Don’t. Care. Don’t let anyone convince you not to kill me unless that person is me. Though I doubt I’ll change my mind once I have a gut full of Magog spawn." He laughed. "Man, I can’t believe that I have to convince someone to do this for me. But the Hajira--not that they’ll be Hajira much longer with the Magog among ‘em--were too innocent to understand it either. Shows how much innocence is really worth."
Harper’s hands clenched tighter on his arms, as if he had to restrain himself from letting them free and... and what? Grabbing Dylan for emphasis? Shaking him? "Dylan, I already have Beka’s promise from a ways back, but she might not be there. Please. This is important to me."
Harper didn’t look entirely sane. What had he seen on Earth?
It left Dylan no choice. "I promise."
Harper nodded, regaining a little of his usual bounce. "Good. Good. I’m glad. I’ll go adjust something now somewhere else." Running his hands through his hair, he wandered off.
Dylan leaned against his door. It would have been so much better if Harper had just yelled at him.
Magog had overrun the bridge. Dylan tried to get up, but a piece of wreckage kept him pinned. He struggled as he watched them feed on Beka, Trance, and Tyr and heard the obscene, wet tearing sounds. He couldn’t find Rev or Harper. Then he heard the thick, muffled moans. Harper.
Bloody and battered, Harper was half lying atop one of the stations. He looked utterly limp as something shoved him into the station over and over almost rhythmically. Dylan couldn’t see whatever it was. Though Harper struggled to part his lips, his eyes were open, showing a world of torment and pain. He must have taken a hit of the paralytic agent Magog used on their prey. The shoves became more forceful and ragged, the pain in Harper’s eyes increasing.
Dylan recognized the motion just as he could finally see the Magog that was very literally raping Harper screech out its satisfaction and clench one long-clawed nightmare hand down hard on Harper’s raw looking shoulder. Harper couldn’t speak, but as he started to shake, his eyes said everything.
You promised.
But Dylan couldn’t move either, only watch. The Magog nipped the back of Harper’s neck almost affectionately, then looked at Dylan and asked, "Do you want a taste?"
Dylan woke up shaking in the darkness. "Rommie!"
"Dylan?"
"Where is my crew?"
"Beka is on the bridge. Tyr, Trance, and Rev are in their quarters--"
Dylan couldn’t breathe. "What about Harper?"
"He’s in the Maru."
A dream. He knew it was a dream. But it had felt so real.... He started to breathe again. "Thank you. Thank you."
"Dylan, do you need medical attention?"
"No. It isn’t that kind of thing. I’m fine."
He had responsibilities, and he wasn’t losing another crew. He would die first.
His best had to be good enough. He would make sure it was good enough.