Title: Old Love
Author: three eyes open
Rating: PG.
Summary: Beka and Dylan fall in love, in response to a challenge.
Spoilers: Lava and Rockets, Mad to be Saved
Challenge: A Beka/Dylan romance by Mary Rose as part of Zion Starfish’s Great Challenge Project
Disclaimer: Tribune owns Andromeda. Eric Clapton, Ltd. owns the song "Old Love". No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This song, either the original version on Journeyman or the live version on 21 Nights, is the most sensual song I've ever heard, with the possible exception of Hendrix's "Voodoo Chile" (Electric Ladyland)
I can feel your body
When I’m lying in my bed
There’s too much confusion
Going ‘round through my head
And it’s making so angry
To know that the flame
Flame still burns
Why can’t I get over
Lord, when I will ever learn?
Beka Valentine sat in the darkness of her cabin on the Andromeda, privacy mode engaged, simply staring into the flame of a white candle. Dylan Hunt had nearly died a few hours before and she felt the need for solitude. The image of him bleeding in Med Bay still haunted her. She tried to purge her mind of it, and the feelings of terror she had experienced when she felt his heart stop for a moment.
She dreamed of him sometimes and wondered if he dreamed about her. Or did he still dream more often about Sarah? She had no idea, but wished her dreams of him would stop. They confused and disturbed her.
Often he made love to her in her dreams, and sometimes, it wasn’t him. He might be Dylan one moment and Bobby the next. They were alike in some ways, tall, strong, idealistic. She always told herself sternly that she would not walk that path again. Why subject herself to more of that pain? She was sure that her attraction to Dylan was rooted in her long-held love for Bobby. Any relationship with Dylan would be too similar to the relationship she’d had with Bobby.
No, never let that happen again. Better to be alone.
But the emotion she had experienced earlier at Dylan’s near death was very different from what she’d felt when Bobby had left her. She had simply wanted out when Bobby had left her, wanted the pain to just go away. When Dylan had almost died, the rest of the universe suddenly hadn’t mattered. As if it didn’t exist for her anymore without him.
So now she stared into the candle’s flame as if it could burn away her pain and confusion. If only it could.
<><><><>
Old love
Leave me alone
Old love
Just go one home
He wished he could sleep better. It would have helped him heal, for one thing. But his mind was in turmoil.
He found himself ceasing to breathe, listening to his heartbeat. It had been terrifying when it had stopped. He supposed such fear was a natural response, but he couldn't help but feel just a little bit ashamed of it.
And the look on Beka's face when his heart had stopped....he couldn't forget that. Did she have feelings for him? He hadn't believed she had. She had not reacted with any jealousy towards Molly or Angelika, as far as he could tell. But her eyes, the way her face had froze, her mouth slowly opening as time had slowed to a crawl for him as he waited. Waited to be alive again.
He lay awake and wondered. Wondered how she felt, wondered why he wanted to know so badly.
And wondered how long Sarah had waited before she fell in love again.
<><><><>
I can see your face
Yes, but I know it ain’t real
Just an illusion
Caused by how I used to feel
And it’s making me so angry
I know that the flame
This flame will always burn
I ain’t never gonna get over
I know now that I’ll never learn
Never learn
One of the mysteries of the universe to Beka was the concept of diplomatic parties. Everyone she had talked to at any of them confessed to hating them. So why had the practice not only held on for millennia but spread over six galaxies?
With a sigh, she looked around again, making sure none of the “important people” were heading in her direction. If she could get through this night without being hassled or pumped for information less than five times she would be ecstatic.
She didn’t realize she was really looking for Dylan until she finally found him. He was smiling and talking to an attractive, expensively-dressed woman Beka didn’t recognize. Seeming to sense Beka’s gaze, he caught her eyes and she felt the blood rushing to her face. She turned away hurriedly.
Figures, she thought. No surprise, this happens every time a pretty female comes on board. Now, all I have to do is not make a fool of myself. Think you can handle that, Valentine, she thought bitterly.
It had been two weeks since Trance had released Dylan from Med Bay. The rest of the crew had been pretending that they didn’t notice the tension between Beka and Dylan. But every one of them had and there was some quiet speculation among them –mostly Harper and Trance- about what was going on. And the others had avoided them just a little bit, just barely enough to be noticeable. No one spoke to either of them about what had happened or what was happening.
She jumped when she felt the touch on her arm. Looking up, she was somehow both surprised and not surprised that it was Dylan.
“Care for a dance, Captain Valentine?” His voice was gentle, his eyes searching.
She kept her self-control carefully as he held her in his arms, even though his body felt so good next to hers. She was surreptiously glancing at his face, but his expression was unreadable. Strange, for him. This was something almost new to her, she thought, becoming more comfortable. Bobby hadn’t exactly been the slow-dancing type.
“We need to talk,” he said softly, and she nodded, not looking at him.
What will I say to him, she wondered. I think I might be in love in you, but I don’t want to be. It’s a little too much like how I felt about Bobby. I don’t want to feel that way again, ever.
But is that true now? There are a few similarities, she thought, but they are also so different. Bobby was never like this. Bobby was idealistic, but he was also extremely self-absorbed. He had been very passionate about everything, including her, but she had finally come to the conclusion that he didn’t really know what love is, might not even be capable of it. And she had learned. She had grown up.
Dylan leaned his chin against her soft hair, thinking. This had been coming a long time, he supposed. He had always desired her. She was beautiful, smart, and willful. And he certainly considered her one of the closest friends he’d ever had. When had it become more than that? He wasn’t certain. Perhaps when she had risked her life for something she believed in.
He also couldn’t help but remember dancing like this with Sarah. He had loved her so much, but everything had been different then, so much simpler. His love for her had consumed him on some level, something he couldn’t live without. It was different with Beka; she needed him, but she was also there for him to lean on if he needed to.
What will I say to her. I guess I’ll say what I feel, he thought, as he tilted her head back for a gentle kiss.
<><><><>
Old love
Leave me alone
Old love, old love
Just go on home
Go on home
Beka was nervous. She was trying to appear calm, but she knew it wasn’t working. He kissed me, she thought, but how much does a kiss mean?
I think I love him, but I’m not sure. And I definitely have no idea how to say that. And this whole thing is probably a bad idea.
Dylan could sense her uncertainty and this magnified his own doubts, leaving him to wonder. Is she afraid to get into a relationship with me? Does she love me, or is she worried that that’s what I’m going to say to her? And if she does want me, how will I handle our relationship with her as my first officer?
Dylan cleared his throat. “Beka, I think you realize that I wa-, I mean, I have feelings for you.”
She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, steeling herself. “What kind of feelings, Dylan?”
Oh, sure, make me be the one to make the first move, he thought. He hated feeling this vulnerable, but understood that might be how she felt too. “Romantic feelings.”
Beka searched his face until he squirmed a little under her intense scrutiny. “Romantic? Do you mean ‘let’s sleep together’ romantic or ‘I think I may be falling for you’ romantic?”
“The latter, of course. I thought you knew that.”
“That’s the problem, Dylan. I don’t really know anything. I didn’t know what to think.”
“Well, believe me, it’s the ‘I’m falling for you’ kind.”
Beka let out a relieved sigh. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“And, um, how do you feel about me?” He sounded more than a little concerned. And hopeful.
“Oh, the same,” she answered blithely. More seriously, she added, “But I’m really not sure this is a good idea.”
“I know,” he said, lowering his eyes, “I’m not sure either. But I think I...I think I need you, Beka. As more than a friend. At least sometimes.”
Before she could reply, alarms started going off.
“We are under attack,“ Andromeda announced.
<><><><>
Old love
Just go on home
Go on home
Go on home...
Beka was still awake, worrying about Harper, who remained unconscious in Medical. He had sustained a head injury during the Drago-Kazov attack and Trance assured them he would be fine.
It had been Beka who had found him, bleeding from his head in Engineering. She had called to Trance over the comm, and although Trance had ran there as fast as she could it had seemed like hours to Beka, who was simply kneeling beside his prone form, afraid to touch him. Trance had made some minor repair to his injury before taking him to the Medical Bay. After that, it had been a matter of waiting. Which Beka hated.
Hours later, there had been no change. Trance said that was normal and although Beka believed her, of course, she longed for Harper to come out of it for just a moment.
She had been so certain, looking at him before Trance had got there, that he was going to die.
Finally, she had left Medical to go to her cabin. And sit in the dark, watching a single burn candle again, with a different yet similar sort of pain.
Naturally, Dylan had not allowed her to be alone for long.
“Dylan, I’m not so sure that us having a relationship is such a good idea,” she had said immediately, as if they hadn’t been interrupted earlier. She didn’t know how much it hurt, hearing her say that.
“That’s not what you need to talk about right now,” he had answered gently. “Finding him like that...”
“Yeah, it scared me, but he’s going to be okay.” Her tone was surprisingly calm.
“And you?”
“I’m fine.” Or at least I will be, she added silently.
He had suddenly kissed her and just like that, she was not fine, she was shaking, and he was holding her and stroking her hair. “Oh, God,” she had whispered, over and over again.
“Harper’s going to be fine. It’s alright now,” he had said and she believed him.
She had finally calmed, feeling embarrassed. Pulling away, she looked into his face. Again, his expression was unreadable. In truth, he was just masking his pain. He too felt a relationship might be too difficult in their daily lives, but he also knew he couldn’t go back. He felt too strongly for her. If only they could be together as lovers when they needed that. Needed the other’s love and compassion.
“Let’s finish our talk again tomorrow,” he said just before he left, seemingly a bit - withdrawn. He had held her and comforted her, but it had felt like something was missing. And she hadn’t really wanted him to leave.
Now, lying in bed, it came to her with a shocking clarity. It may not be a good idea to get into a relationship with Dylan full time, but what about when they needed each other? Like she had needed him just a few hours before. Just let things progress as they would between each other. That was what he’d been saying, she realized. “At least sometimes”.
Suddenly certain that this was exactly the way it should be, exactly what they needed, she jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. And then she went to wake up Dylan.