He takes a deep breath and a bittersweet smile plays at his lips as he remembers the first time he had seen it. She had pulled it out from under a pile of sweaters on the top shelf of her closet to show him that she had been storing the messages, which he sent to her, on vid discs. She told him how her father had bought it for her on her tenth birthday, telling Sara that she was his shooting star. He had died a month later and it was the last thing he had ever given her. Dylan had been so moved by the look on her face that he had accidentally dropped the box while reaching for it. It fell, coming in contact with the corner of the dresser; the result had been a small narrow dent along the right side. She hadn't spoken to him for two hours after that.
He slowly runs his thumb along the side. A choked sob catches in his throat as he feels the indentation. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at the most precious thing he now owns. His hands shaking slightly he reaches out and taps the four numbers that he knows will allow him access to the treasures within. 0-8-1-3… August 13th, her father's birthday. With a click the lock comes free. Dylan lifts the creaking lid and slowly pulls out a small bundle of discs. He rises to retrieve a portable vid screen, anxious to relive the happy memories. He slowly slips the small round disc into the slot. His brow furrows in confusion when he sees the image that appears on the screen, because it's not his. The surprise of seeing the face that's looking back at him is nothing compared to the shock that the words bring.
Hello dear Sara,
Love, I know that this has been difficult for you, but hold in your heart that it will all be over soon and then we will be together. I have received word that the ambush will take place within the next week. When we arrive in the Hephaistos system the Nietzschean forces will attack the Andromeda. I know Dylan will do all that he can to save his ship and his crew, but in the end he will not prevail. Sara, I promise you that he will not. With the downfall of the Commonwealth and the crew of the Andromeda scattered or dead, no one will think twice about my disappearance.
I'll come for you as soon as I am able and we will finally be free to start our life together. Until then, know that I am thinking of you and missing you every minute. Not very Nietzschean of me, I know. I love you.
Dylan stares at the screen in confusion over what he has just seen. He shakes his head in disbelief. Rhade and Sara? The possibility that they betrayed him is inconceivable. They fact that they betrayed him on two counts leaves him reeling. After replaying the incriminating message, his shocked mind refuses to believe that what he's just seen could actually be a love letter from his best friend to his fiancée. Trying to hold tightly to the belief that this is some kind of a twisted joke, he pushes aside the thought that Rhade didn't play practical jokes. Dylan removes the disc from the player. He reaches for another disc as one of the last exchanges he'd ever had with his first officer runs through his mind. They had been standing on the bridge of the Andromeda as the first of the Nietzscheans fired on them. "Are you telling me that I can't trust you?" He had asked. "I'm saying that you can't afford to take any chances," the Nietzschean had responded. He shakes his head to dispel the thought and touches the video screen to play the next disc.
Hello my beloved,
How are you? I hope you are doing better than I am. I know that the end of all this secrecy is close, but it seems as though the days are becoming longer and longer as the time draws ever nearer. I am expecting to hear soon when and where the first battle will take place. I am determined that we will be in that first campaign. Dylan seems to speak incessantly of his wedding to you. I know that it will never take place, yet I find that whenever he speaks your name I must use all of my restraint not to rip the vocal cords from his throat. How dare this man defile your name by speaking it! He speaks of my duties as best man and the toast I will make. I smile to myself thinking that the only thing I will be toasting is the fall of the Commonwealth and Dylan Hunt's death.
Darling, you expressed a concern that Dylan may suspect something and I want to relate a conversation I had with him a short while ago that should put your mind at ease. In that condescending way that he has, he began explaining love to me as though I were a child. I do believe that it almost kills him to know that he may be the captain but I will always be superior to him. He doesn't realize that just because I know the value of procreating to produce a strong child and that I believe that your partner's DNA is important that I know nothing of the feelings of love. He has seen me happy, angry and even sad on occasion. How stupid can the man be to think that I am incapable of love? The point is that he will never suspect how we feel about each other, because he thinks that love is an alien concept to me.
I know that he's told you that we'll be stopping on Tarn-Vedra for a few days furlough. He's very anxious to see you. The thought of you having to spend one more minute in his arms is torture for me. He asked me last night if I would like to join the two of you for dinner. I'm sure that you'll understand if I decline. I will make my excuses to Dylan and spend the evening trying not to think of him touching you while I wait for you to come to me.
I anxiously await word of the beginning of the uprising so that I know you will be safely out of his reach. I'll contact you as soon as I have any good news. Until then, know that I am thinking of you and missing you every minute. Not very Nietzschean of me, I know. I love you, Sara.
Dylan ejects the disc and slams it down on the table. He stares unseeing at his empty hands as twin tears roll down his flushed cheeks. His heart cracks. His head spins and he slowly lowers it to his hands. He closes his eyes as memory upon memory assaults his already overloaded mind…
…A game of Go… Rhade smiling and holding out his hand to reveal the small white game piece. "It's only cheating if you get caught." Rhade smiling as he confessed how often he cheated to win. Walking along the ship's corridors and joking about what Rhade's toast at the wedding would be. Rhade's slight smile at the words "…unless you die." Talking about love and magic, Rhade insistent that there was no magic, although never saying that there wasn't love. Sara… beautiful Sara, unconsciously toying with the necklace she always wore bearing the inscription 'Love always, G.R.'. Another family keepsake she had told him, this one from her grandmother… Grandma Riley. The many evenings that had been cut short by an urgent call from her aunt… a sudden headache… a senseless argument that seemed to come out of nowhere over nothing…
…Dylan wipes a large hand over his damp face seeing all his closely held memories in a new light. As if against his will, his hand reaches out for another disc. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Steeling himself for the words he doesn't want to hear, yet somehow unable to stop himself. He slowly opens his eyes.
Hello sweet Sara,
I could have wept when I got your message. Even though I already knew of the 'happy' news of your engagement from Dylan, hearing the words from your lovely lips made it all the more real. The distress on your face and the tears rolling down your face almost broke my heart. Seeing proof of your disturbed state only fueled my anger. It was all I could do to keep myself from racing to his quarters and slicing the bastard open. I calmed myself, knowing the pleasure that I would feel from seeing his life's blood flowing around my feet was not in the best interest of our survival. Of our life together.
Sara, I know this is tearing you up. How I admire your courage. To be able to look at this inferior man and profess your love for him. To have to hold him and allow his hands on you takes more strength than I can even imagine. I am urging my fellow Nietzscheans for answers. I want you out of this. I want *us* out of this.
I can see that I have surprised many of my pride with my eagerness for this uprising to be underway. I believe that some of them had their doubts, thinking that my loyalty might be misplaced. If they only knew how easy it is for me to throw him to the lions and not think twice, but then again they know nothing of our relationship. My fellow Nietzscheans would understand less than Dylan would our joining. I would be considered weak and inferior for choosing a human woman. They would require proof that your DNA is sound and worthy of joining with Nietzschean DNA, I will not allow that. Even without the scientific confirmation I already know that you are as perfect as any Nietzschean female. Sara, I know that you have done so much to aid us in this campaign and believe me, it is appreciated by all involved. You are thinking of your survival after the downfall when the Nietzscheans will take over and put right what the weak Commonwealth has destroyed. I am proud of you.
I soon must go and meet Dylan. I have promised him a round of Go this evening. As I put on my obedient 'first in command' face on I will be thinking of you and the life we will soon have. Until then know that I am thinking of you and missing you every minute. Not very Nietzschean of me, I know. I love you.
Dylan raises his head and stares at the wall. He thought ruefully of something that he had recently said to Rev Bem. Confessing his rage and hate of the Nietzscheans, he had told Rev about Rhade and how his trust of the commander had led to the downfall of the Commonwealth in his eyes. Rhade was meant to be his best man and when he betrayed Dylan, Dylan lost his entire world… including his fiancée. Dylan sadly realized exactly how true those words were. His pain becomes physical as he's hit by another revealing wave of memories…
… Sara lowering her head as he proposes and slowly holding out her hand to accept the ring that he held. Raising her head and seeing the tears slide from behind closed eyes. Thinking that she was overjoyed and overwhelmed, when in fact she was a woman trapped and accepting a fate she dreaded. Sara postponing the wedding… wanting to make sure that he could take enough time off for them to have a long honeymoon. Rhade from time to time forgetting himself and showing an almost sentimental side. Teasing Rhade at those times and telling him that he wasn't acting very Nietzschean. Rhade's flash of anger at the words. Anger… because he was being called less than Nietzschean and therefore inferior? Anger… because it was a shared joke between Rhade and Sara? Suspecting that somewhere inside of Rhade was a side that he was trying very hard to hide for fear that it made him less than the superior being that he was engineered to be. Rhade and Sara meeting although apparently not for the first time. Turning to Rhade to make the introductions. Catching a fleeting look on Rhade's face before he quickly dropped his head. Rhade shaking Sara's hand and holding it slightly too long…
…Dylan clutches tighter the recently viewed disc in his hand. He can feel the anger boiling in his blood, building toward an explosion. The disc snaps in two as a distressed cry escapes his throat. All the little clues that he had dismissed now come together to confirm the painful truth that Rhade's words reveal. He stands quickly, overturning the chair. He backs away from the table in a fruitless attempt to escape the pain and anger brought on by the contents of the box. He cannot escape what is inside of him. He looks wildly around the room, searching for something to bring him back from the brink of madness. The grief and rage that burn inside of him threaten to take over and his large hand lunges out to knock the Go board from the table. It crashes against the wall, shattering in mocking imitation of his heart. The slight satisfaction that the action brings prompts him to kick out at a chair, sending it flying into the bed. As he watches its journey, a picture sitting on the dresser catches his attention. He stalks across the room and grabs the picture of Rhade and himself smiling for the camera. Before he can allow the memory of happier times to invade his brain, he hurls it at the door. He scans the room and almost against his will his attention is drawn back to the box on the table.
Dylan takes a deep breath as he slowly walks back to the table. He rights his overturned chair. He tosses aside the rest of the bundled discs and pulls out two loose ones. His heart desperately wanting to find something to give another explanation for the things he's just heard. Any explanation but the one that his head knows to be true. He pops the first one in, dreading what he might see.
My Love,
I know that I won't be sending this, but I have to do something or I'll go crazy. I'm recording this for my own sanity. I have to get my thoughts out. There is no one I can talk to about how much I miss you. Where are you? I'm going out of my mind wondering! I'm going out of my mind with worry! I talk to everyone that's been rescued from the Andromeda. They all have the same story. Dylan ordered the crew to abandon ship and that he stayed aboard. They don't know what happened to you. And you know that I can't press them hard. I want so badly to tell them all that I'm not concerned about Dylan's whereabouts. I only want news of you. When I ask what happened to you, they all say they don't know and continue with their expressions of condolence or well wishes that Dylan could still be alive. I'm finding it harder and harder not to scream out loud.
I need you back! The waiting is killing me!
Gaheris, I know that you'll come for me as soon as you can. I won't say *if* you can. I can't allow myself to think like that. Even though there is this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that even if you're alive you may not come. Part of me knows that you wouldn't risk your own survival to come for me. I do my best to push this voice down and, when I can, I try to make myself understand that. I know you so well, but I have to take into consideration that when your genetically engineered instincts take over, your feelings for me will be pushed to the background. I don't know which would be worse; to know that you are out there, but we won't be together…or that you are - gone.
I will not be pessimistic!
I hear that more crewmembers have been picked up by the Starry Wisdom. I'm going to meet the ship and see if there is any new news. I love you, my darling, and will until my dying day. Please hurry home.
A perverse part of Dylan almost seems to be wallowing in the intense pain he's getting from hearing her words. He can't seem to stop his hand from reaching for the last disc. He knows Sara recorded it and Rhade never got it, but he can't seem to keep himself from needing to see it. The rational part of him realizes that it's almost self-destructive what he's doing, but the ache is all he can feel and at least he's feeling something. He desperately tries to stave off the images in his mind…
…Sarah on the deck of the Starry Wisdom when he had first been able to go to her physically. Keeping her distance… So determined to get him out, even though he was standing next to her. Not touching him, leaving him alone with Khalid. Letting him go back much too easily…
He shakes his head to disperse the memories and watches the last disc.
Today I learned the truth. You are gone from this life. Oh Gaheris, you will never hold me in your strong arms again. Never kiss me awake to make love to me as the sun rises. Never sooth me to sleep with your plans for our future. Dylan took your life and mine that day. I have no future without you.
You would have been proud of me, sweetheart. I finally got the news that Dylan had ordered you taken to the brig and I knew without a doubt that you were still aboard the Andromeda. I got a crew together and mounted a rescue mission. Of course, it was under the guise of rescuing Dylan. We made contact and he came aboard the Starry Wisdom with a fairy tale of his rescue 300 years from now. I told him I was desperate to get to him and nothing he could say would deter me. He told me the whole story of what had happened that day and how a salvage ship finally pulled him from the event horizon. When he told me that you were dead, it was all I could do to keep from breaking down right then. Instead I told him that he should go and see that fool Khalid, that's when I sent a message to your brother. I told you that you would be proud of me. I had a back up plan just incase you weren't aboard. I had no intention of pulling him out if you weren't with him. Your brother and the Drago-Kazov pride attacked us. Conveniently ruining my plan to get Dylan out and saving me from having to spend the rest of my life with him.
Gaheris, I don't know what I'll do without you. How will I be able to go on? I know that you would say that above all I must think of my survival. I try to remember all that you taught me, but it's going to be hard without you. I'll think of you every day for the rest of my life. I'll love you for the rest of my life. I hope that there is a life after this one and that we can be together then and forever. I guess this just wasn't our time, my love.
Dylan's momentarily mesmerized by the flood of tears streaming down Sara's face. Suddenly his arm shoots out of it's own volition and knocks the box to the floor. He stands and clenches his fists when he realizes that just a short time ago he was so unbelievably happy to have it in his possession. He throws his head back and an anguished wail bursts from his throat. As the sound echoes around the room he spies the picture of Sara and himself on his bedside table. He rushes across the room and smashes the picture to the floor. He turns away from the flying glass and backs into the wall. He stares at the mess strewn about his room before his eyes finally rest on the overturned box. Lying beside it is a picture that had obviously fallen out… Rhade and Sara arm in arm. As the realization that it was taken when Sara was attending the University dawns on him, he slowly slides down the wall. He hugs his knees to his chest and lets his tears flow freely.
Rommie twitches an eyebrow and engages the privacy mode. She knows that she shouldn't have been eavesdropping and she had only intended on watching for a minute. Just to make sure that it really was Sara's box. When she realized that something was wrong she couldn't help but wait. Just to make sure her Captain was all right.
"How could she hurt him like that?" she mutters angrily under her breath. "Rhade and Sara… how could I have not seen it?" She strides steadfastly down the corridor, her anger giving away to grief as she recalls the image of Dylan huddled against the wall crying for a woman that didn't deserve it.
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