Title: It's Only A Banana
Author: Zimbing
Email: sparky_cola@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13 …I think….
Archive: Sure! Just email to tell me where
Summary: Nonsense between Harper, Trance and a banana.
Spoilers: None that I can think of
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own anything to do with Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda although it would be really cool if I did...
Notes: Ok me and Trin were REALLY bored one day and made up a challenge and this is what my warped mind create. It is basically immature humour that should never see the light of day. Also, may make you look at banana in a different way.
"Oh my god what is it?!" exclaimed Trance.
Harper looked around wondering what it was, and then it suddenly dawned on him,
"Oh that, that’s just my banana, " he replied cheerfully.
"Ooooo...I just didn't think that they were that big or curvy," Trance retorted while examining it closer seeing as she now knew it wouldn't bite.
"That’s because my purple princess, this is the holy grail of bananas, a true Harper original."
"Uh huh..." Was Trance's absent-minded reply. Reaching bravely forward, she gave it a little poke causing it to wobble.
"Well if you ask me, it doesn't do very much. I don't know why you’re so impressed with it," she retorted.
"What! Trance, do have any idea what you just said? Well, when you insult the banana, you insult me. Hmmm I need a shower. I'm still covered in green paint...” Harper muttered out loud while wandering off to the shower, toeing off his boots and striping off his t-shirt and throwing into the 'dirty pile' of clothing on the way to the bathroom.
'That’s if there is such a thing as a 'dirty pile' of clothes in Harper's room. Every thing sort of blends together.' Thought Trance
Bored with Harper's 'amazing' banana, Trance stretched and looked at Harper's once red now green t-shirt.
"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask, why ARE you covered in green paint?"
"Umm...its a special...project I’m working on...with Rommie...yeah that’s it...” a barely audible muttering that came from the bathroom.
Trance, screwing her eyebrows together, thought over what Harper just said.
'Special project? With Rommie? Hmmm, well looks like I'll be doing a little investigating later'
But then it suddenly dawned on her. This includes Harper. This would then mean that if and when you did find out what he was doing, you would most likely be regretting it. At that thought, Trance 'forgot' everything he had just said.
Hearing the shower go on and then Harper yelping at the temperature, Trance decided to hang around till Harper got out.
Sitting down on the edge of his bed, while she twiddled her thumbs, her gaze wandered around the room. It was more of a machine shop than quarters. Tools littered the floor and bits and bobs from machines and gadgets lay strewing across the room. It was truly amazing that Harper didn't hurt himself with all this junk lying around.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Trance shifted her weight.
*SQUEAK*
'Ok that was odd,' Trance puzzled.
She shifted again.
*SQUEAK*
Meanwhile in the shower, Harper was busy scrubbing himself trying desperately to get rid of the green paint. It covered him from the tips of his hair to his toes.
"I look like the Green Giant, well, the Green Vertically Challenged Giant." Harper muttered under his breath.
Squeezing out another blob of shampoo from the bottle, away to go through about the sixth apply, lather, repeat, Harper paused.
'Ok what was that?'
Coming from the direction of his bedroom, came a squeak.
"What the -?"
*SQUEAK*
*SQUEAK*
*SQUEAK*
"Trance, are you out there?" Yelled Harper.
*SQUEAK*
"Yeah, why?"
*SQUEAK*
"Trance, what are you DOING?! Whatever it is, it does NOT sound right from in here!" He exclaimed back.
"Oh...ok I'll stop." Trance replied meekly.
Deciding not to bounce on the bed anymore because it 'didn't sound right' for some reason unknown to her, Trance, bored with sitting still, went for a wander around Harper's room.
Wandering, well, it was more of a skipping to avoid the things on the floor, Trance went around Harper's room. It wasn't very exciting. Machines, more machines and yes, yet more machines were about all there was to see.
'Harper's bout to have something interesting to do in his bedroom." Pondered Trance.
Gazing around the room one more time, it was so faint that she nearly missed it. Down in a corner, the bulkhead stuck out a bit more than the rest.
A grin spread across Trance's face. Heading over to the bulkhead, she prised it off the wall using her fingers, let it land on the floor with a clunk.
*Gasp*
A look of shock now took over her face and she let out a scream.
Leaning back against the wall in the shower, Harper let out a sigh. Finally, he wasn't green anymore...he just looked like a prune.
Relaxing a bit too much his eyes drifted shut, but was thrown back awake by a scream.
'What the -? TRANCE!'
"Trance! Trance! What’s wrong?!" Cried Harper, while running out the bathroom, nearly forgetting to open the shower door.
Running out into his bedroom, his eyes quickly darting around until he found Trance.
"Trance, what’s wrong? I heard you scream!" A puzzled Harper asked Trance.
"You...you have chocolate! I love chocolate!" She exclaimed.
"You screamed because I had chocolate?! Hey, wait! That’s my secret stash!" He moaned.
Suddenly realizing what she had done, she quickly tried to find something to distract Harper with. Getting a funny look on her face while trying not to giggle she replied to a frustrated Harper "Umm...I think you might have forgotten something."
"Huh?"
Suddenly Harper's eyebrows nearly shot off his forehead. He just remember he had forgotten to pick up a towel on his rush to make sure Trance was ok. He was standing in the middle of his bedroom, in front of Trance, soaking wet and completely naked.
"Oh crap!"
Quickly turning around, he failed to notice a little gadget on the floor. It went in slow motion nearly. Harper's wet foot stepped onto the gadget, he went one way, and the gadget went the other.
"Harper watch...!" Trance exclaimed.
But it was too late. Harper had already stepped on it and was now heading face first onto the floor.
*SMACK*
"Owww..." muttered Harper.
Trance rushed over to him.
"Harper! Harper! Are you ok?"
"No...ow...I squished my own banana...ow...ow..."
"You what...Ohhhhhh...” Replied Trance hiding her smirk. "Come on, lets get you to med deck...Now if you had cleaned this room up..."
One hour later, Harper and Trance were back in his quarters.
"Ok, you are going to stay in bed because well, you won't get very far even if you wanted to, I've giving you pain killers for...down below, and an aspirin for the bump on your head when you fell. I think that’s it." Trance listed while ticking off her mental list.
"But Trance, I got loads of work to do!" Whined Harper.
"You get today and tomorrow to recover."
"You...you didn't tell the rest what happened did you?"
"Yes. They wanted to know what happened and so I told them." Trance said cheerfully.
Harper stared at her with his mouth gaping.
"Trance! They'll never let me live this down! Oh and that reminds me, I got ow... work to ow... do!" He grumbled while rising off his bed.
"Nope you're not going anywhere Mister." Reaching down to her bag, Trance searched around then pulled out a pair of leather handcuffs. Taking one of Harper's arms, she handcuffed it to his bedpost. "See, told you you weren't going anywhere." She said brightly.
"Trance! Trance, let me out of these now!" Harper pouted.
Ignoring him, she said, "Don't worry I can stay with you. Oh, I know what we could do! We could eat those chocolates and watch a vid. Oh I'm in the mood for a romance one..."