Invasion of the Chat Room Addicts
Title: Invasion of the Chat Room Addicts
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG
Summary: A few people from the Official Andromeda chatroom decide enough is enough and take over the Andromeda.
Spoilers: None yet.
Archive: Just ask.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, don't sue me. I have nothing you want anyway. ;-)
"You know, I really think Dylan should go after that Neitzschean Pride." Dritz commented, on the Official Andromeda Chatroom.
"Same here, Dritz. They can't just get away with that! And what about Tyr's child? They just left him out of the picture." TrinityTheSheDevil spoke up.
"Well, I for one, want to see more Rommie. She's definitely hot." CWCAndromeda waggled his tongue at his life size Rommie poster.
"=P, CWC." TrinityTheSheDevil dumped a virtual bucket of water on CWC.
"HEY!" CWC sizzled as the water sploshed on him.
"LOL!" Rommie_Rules spoke up.
"If you ask me, there's not enough Harper. I mean, almost every episode you either DON'T see him, or you see VERY LITTLE of him!" Zimbing pipped up from her corner of the Official Chat couch.
"Ditto to that, Zim!" Trinity raised a virtual glass of Snapple.
"Ya know," Trinity continued, "We should take over the Andromeda."
"And how would we do that?" CWC raised his eyebrows. Trinity was known for insane stuff, but what she was talking about was impossible.
"Well, I have this umm.....errrr......thing. It will let me have one wish. Bought it from some ratty dude in a alley." Trinity held up a palm size yellow and mucus green marble.
"Trin, that guy ripped you off. You know that right?" Zim and Dritz snickered.
"We don't know that til I make the wish though, now do we?" Trin reached over and put it on the table in the chat.
"Okay, fine. You wish, we'll laugh!" Rommie_Rules chuckled at Trin.
Trinity held both her hands over the marble, and sprinkled some dirt on it. At this, everyone busted out laughing. Glaring at everybody, she went back to the marble. "I wish, we were all on the Andromeda Ascendent, so we could take it over and change everything we didn't like."
"And torture Dylan!" Zimbing laughed evilly.
"And torture Dylan." Trinity added.
"See, it didn't work!" CWC crossed his arms, and smiled.
Suddenly, the room shimmered. Wind swept through, and blowed everything around. The marble turned colors, blue, green, red, orange, and finally, it busted into a million pieces. The pieces swirled around the Andromeda chatters and they 'popped' out of existence.
"Uh, hello? Hellooooo?" Fireball swaggered in and plopped onto the couch. "Oh well, nobody's home." He turned on the TV and channel surfed, while waiting for someone to arrive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Oh, My, God!" Trinity shrieked as she looked around. They were on the Andromeda!
"Oh my god is right!" CWC poked around in the hall they were in.
"CWC, be careful. Andromeda has internal defense systems, remember?" Zimbing looked around, and her eyes landed on Machine Shop 17.
"Trin.....it's...it's...it's......LOOK!" Zim pointed while stuttering.
"Harper's workplace." Trin sighed dreamily.
"HEY!" Dritz smacked Trin in the head. "We're here to take over Andromeda. Remember?"
"Oh yeah." Trin rubbed her head and grabbed the drooling Zimbing by the arm. "Come on, I think Command Deck is this way."
"Are you sure, Trin? I mean, the Andromeda is a big ship." CWC stated. "How would you know anyway?"
"CWC, shut up. I was right about the marble now, wasn't I?" Trin turned and stuck her tongue out at CWC.
"Yeah, but..." CWC shrugged and followed Trinity.
After walking around for about thirty minutes Trinity came to a halt.
"I was right wasn't I?" CWC snickered.
"No, I'm not lost CWC." Trin looked around the hallway. Come to think of it, this hallway looked familiar.
"And denial isn't just a river in Egypt." CWC crossed his arms again, and laughed.
"Fine then. Where is Command CWC?" Trinity gave a mock bow, and let CWC take the lead.
"Simple. It's this way." He confidently took the lead, and started walking.
"Whatever you say."
Dritz laughed at the two, and followed along.
Five minutes later, they were at the unmistakable door of the Command Deck.
"Hmm?" CWC raised his eyebrow.
"Uhh........I was leading to here.....I just took the long way."
"Yeah, sure Trin." CWC chuckled.
"I do believe that CWC is the better navigator, Trin." Zimbing said from behind CWC.
"I agree." Dritz and Rommie spoke up."
Trinity, for her part, just stuck her tongue out at everybody.
"Okay, now, lets go in here, and overpower everybody so we can take over Andromeda." Trinity took a step towards the door when Dritz stopped her.
"How're we going to do that? We have no guns, and they're stronger than us."
"Umm.....maybe we can use the little pieces of the marble to make one last wish?" Trinity said.
"It's worth a try." Zimbing said.
"Okay, we need something that will suprise them, and yet, give us strength to take them over. Umm....okay, how about we all morph into the animal of our choice?"
Trinity looked around. "What?! Is my fly open or something?"
"You watched Power Rangers as a kid, didn't you?" Rommie_Rules asked.
"Uhhhh.....didn't everybody? Okay, don't answer that. But how about it? Sound good?"
Everyone eventually agreed it was a ........okay plan. With Trinity you never knew. Holding the pieces, they all made the wish, and opened the doors to Command Deck.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harper sighed as he tinkered with a console. He was absolutely bored! For once, finally, there wasn't anything to do. He looked over at Beka snoozing in the pilot chair, her mouth hanging open. Tyr and Dylan were arm wrestling nearby and Trance was reading some kind of book, Parry Hotter or something like that. Rommie was powered down, recharging her batteries.
"Dylan, I'm detecting something -" Andromeda was interrupted by the Command Doors opening. Everyone jumped as a bunch of teenagers ran in.
"Who are you?!" Dylan asked. 'And how the hell did they get on my ship?' He thought.
"We......are nobody. And we're taking over this ship!!!" Trinity said menacingly.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tyr bent over, laughing so hard tears streamed down his face.
"I don't think they're impressed." CWC stated, raising one eyebrow.
"Alright. Fine. Let's do this the hard way!" Trinity said, and they all morphed into their selected animal bodies.
Trinity turned into a sleek black panther, with huge claws and razor sharp teeth. Zimbing morphed into a orange tiger, and snarled at the crew members. Rommie_Rules, the snow white Bengal Tiger, clawed at Tyr. CWC jumped and morphed into mid-air, as a giant wolf dog. Dritz stalked towards Dylan as a sea otter.
"You know......I think we're in trouble now." Harper backed away from the black panther. "Niiiiice kitty. How 'bout a big bag of Meow Mix?" He bumped into the console he had been working on. He was cornered.
"Uhh....Dylan...plan?" Beka said, having been pulled out of her sleep by Tyr.
"I'm thinking."
"Can't we throw a bone at them?" Tyr asked, not laughing anymore.
"That might work for the dog, but what about the big cats? Or the sea otter?"
"No, how about you hand over the ship?" The orange tiger growled.
"Oh crap, they can talk." Harper fainted.
"Duh." The panther rolled her eyes.
"You're not taking over my ship!" Dylan said, and pulled out his force lance. Taking a few steps towards the cats, he heard something behind him. Turning around, he came face to face with a frying pan, being swung by the sea otter.
"Dritz.....you knocked him out. With a frying pan! COOL!" CWC hopped up and down.
The crew of Andromeda didn't think this was particularly cool, and got out their force lances. Trance shook Harper awake, and they all took up a fighting stance.
"Oohhh...so you wanna play huh." Rommie_Rules slunked around them, her tail swishing.
"Yes, I believe they do Rom. We need more scratching posts anyway." Zimbing walked after Rommie_Rules, followed by Trin, CWC, and Dritz until they surrounded the crew.
"Um.....guys.....what're we gonna do?" Harper slowly backed away from the snarls and growls the animals were making.
"We should just kill them." Tyr raised his force lance in the direction of the dog.
*ROOOAAARRR* Tyr jumped as he saw the bengal tiger, Rommie_Rules, pounce into the air. She landed square on his chest and they slid across the floor. Rommie_Rules put her front claws on both sides of his head, trapping Tyr on the floor.
"Kitty, I suggest you get off of me before I find a giant dog to release on you." Tyr threatened. Rommie_Rules growled again, right into his face.
"Uh, nevermind. You can just sit there if you want." Tyr took back his earlier threat.
"Oh no. Tyr's outta the game. We're shishcabob." Harper said.
"No, we're not. Just watch them and look for any sudden moves. Rommie, you keep scanning them to see if any are about to pounce." Beka said, adjusting her pistol.
"Right." Rommie nodded.
Harper turned around and noticed that one animal was missing. The black panther. Looking over to the console he had been working on for the past two weeks, he saw her happily shredding the wires that took so long to fix.
"NOOOOOO!" Harper dived across the room and pounced on Trin.
"MEOW!" Trin turned around and clawed at Harper. She got back up and pinned him to the floor.
"Uh, sorry about that...uhh..."
"Trinity." The cat supplied.
"Trinity. Sorry about that. Umm...can you let me up now? Please?"
"Let me think." The panther tapped her claws on the floor. "No."
She bent over his face. He could feel her hot breathe brush blow against his cheek, and her whiskers brush against his nose. He shut his eyes. This was the end. He was kitty burger.
Expecting to feel the bite of sharp teeth, he was suprised when he felt a scratchy tongue lick him from his chin to his forehead.
"AAACCCKKK!! Cat drool! BLECK!" Harper wiped his arm across his face.
"MMMMMM...........Better than the clones...." Trinity mumbled to herself.
"HEY! Trin! Get ahold of yourself!" Rommie_Rules said from her perch on Tyr's chest.
"Oh. Right." The giant cat shook her head. Now wasn't the time.
"You will turn over control of the ship to us. And I mean it!" The cat growled at Harper, and watched him shrink back in fear. OOhh...she liked it when he shrunk back in fear......made her spine tingle. She growled again, and watched him flinch. And again....and again....and again.
"If you're going to eat him, please get it over with." Tyr said from the floor.
"Hey, you shut up. I'm having fun here." Trin said, and growled again.
"Fun? You call this fun? You knocked out our captain, and pinned two of our crew members to the floor! How does this qualify as 'fun'." Beka almost yelled.
"You've obviously never heard of fanfiction." Zimbing chuckled.
"Oh, yeah, like that one...um...Relapse I think it was where Beka got hooked on flash again." Rommie_Rules spoke up from atop of Tyr.
"Or The Past Comes Bearing Gifts, where Harper gets pregnant!" The sea otter, Dritz, fell down laughing.
"No. Booster Shot. That one's definitely funny." Trinity grinned, which looked more menacing to Harper and he flinched again.
"Umm....Trance...do you know what they're talking about?" Beka asked, confused.
"Uhh...umm....errr....nooooo." Trance said and quietly pushed a Andromeda Zine under a nearby console.
"Me either. Rommie?"
"I have no clue as to what they're talking about." Rommie said.
"Okay. Just so I know we're on the same page."
Zimbing looked back to where Dylan had fallen to the floor and noticed he was gone. She spied him behind the pilot chair, about to stun Trinity. Sneaking behind him, she jumped and landed on his back, taking much pleasure in leaving criss crossing scratches all the way down to his butt.
"OWOWOWOWOW! I give! UNCLE!" Dylan shouted.
"Really? So we get the Andromeda?" Zimbing asked.
"No, but I want you to get off of me."
Zimbing scratched him again, and he yelped louder.
Rommie, who couldn't just stand by and let her Captain be clawed to death, started foward. She stopped when something grabbed her leg. Looking down, she saw the dog humping her leg.
"AAACK! ICK!" She walked around and tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't budge.
"BAD DOG! BAD DOG! OFF!" She drug her foot backwards and pushed with her hands to get him off. Finally, he stopped and growled at her. His fur standing up all over his white and grey body.
"Uhh...I'll just stay right here. Not going anywhere." Rommie said, and stood very still.
"Good avatar. Gooood avatar!" CWC said, imitating a human speaking to a dog.
"Okay......we're down to me and you, Trance. And one sea otter with a frying pan. Think we can take'em?" Beka asked.
"I think so, yes." Trance said and they jumped on the sea otter.
Lots of banging and cursing was heard, and finally, the sea otter triumphed. Holding her frying pan high, Dritz did a victory dance around the unconscious Beka and Trance.
"Way to go Dritz!" Trinity said, and turned towards Dylan.
"As you see, Captain Hunt, we have taken the Andromeda ourselves. Now, we are laying down a few rules as to what you all will do from now on. So listen carefully."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tyr half listened to the panther as he moved his hand towards the knife he kept at his side. He had his fingertips on it when he felt a furry claw press into his throat.
"What do you think you're doing?" Rommie_Rules asked.
"Uhhhh.........umm....uhh...." Tyr tried to think of some intelligent excuse.
The claw pressed further into his throat.
"Okay. I was...making sure I still had my pants on." He mentally smacked himself. 'Real intellent there, Anasazi.' He thought.
"Well, you do. But we can take them off, if you want." Tyr could have sworn he saw someone's mind slip into the gutter. He absently wondered what that meant.
"Uh, no, that's ok. I need them incase it gets cold." Tyr wondered how many stupid comments he could say.
"Okay." The cat turned back to listen to Trinity.
"Captain Hunt, from now on, each character will be in each episode EQUAL TIME! Maybe a little more time and owies for Harper."
"Uhh...episode?" Dylan asked.
"Just shut up for a minute, I'm on a roll here." The panther sat up on Harper a little more. "You will not go all Rambo and save the day each time. You will all reward Harper each time he saves your butt."
"But-"
*GROWL*
Tyr wisely shut up.
"Harper will take his shirt off. No exceptions on that. And I want to see scars on his body! I want to see mental breakdown of having to take his shirt off. I mean, there has to be a reason he's kept it on for three seasons!"
Trinity looked over at Zimbing.
"Zimbing, stop drooling please."
"Oh sorry." 'I need a cold shower. Definitely.' She thought.
"Tyr will stop being a baby and get ahold of himself. He will not cry for hurting Dylan or any other character. Except Harper because the smarm factor works in there."
"I'll have you to know-" Tyr interrupted.
"Tyr, shut up. You act like a wimp now. Come on, I could be more Neitzschean than you!" CWC said.
"Tyr will also bring his child back into the episodes. I mean, come on, Neitzscheans love their children right? Well, HOW COME WE HAVEN'T SEEN THE KID ANY?!"
Harper wimpered a bit at Trinity's yelling, and the fact that her claws were digging into his chest.
"What about that kitten?" Dritz added.
"Oh yes. That kitten in the season three premiere. Bring it back. We want to know what the hell it was doing there in the first place! And while we're talking about the S3 premiere, we want to see those aliens again. I mean, they're not just gonna up and disappear on us!"
"Ah, but we-"
"Was she talking to you? No? Okay then, shut up!" Zimbing drug her claws down Dylan's back again.
"Now....what else...." Trinity thought for a minute. "OH! Dylan, you will not try to hail every single race that tries to blow you out of the sky. If they fire on you, BLOW THEM UP! I mean, come on, you're not in Hercules anymore!"
"Hercules?" Dylan was getting more confused by the minute. This cat was nuts.
"Harper!" Harper jumped as the black kitty focused her attention on him again.
"Y..y...yes?"
"YOU, will have more fight scenes. Do you know how sexy you look when you fight? I mean...major drool!"
"I'm sexy when I fight?" Harper's eyebrows shot up. He figured the women might have went for Tyr or something.
"Definitely."
"Well, is that all? Am I forgetting something, anybody?" Trinity looked around. She should have covered all the major bases.
"Alright then. Captain Hunt, crew of Andromeda, we are leaving now. Remember, if we don't see these changes, we will be back! With friends. I'm thinking....mountain lions....bear.......alligators.....snakes.....things like that." The panther lied.
The crew just looked at her, not saying anything.
"Now, come on everybody. Let's scat."
The animals released the crew and backed out of Command and into the hall. Once in the hall, they reverted back to their original bodies.
"Okay, Trin. I have to ask. How do we get back?" Dritz questioned.
"Uhhhhh......." Trinity looked around the ceiling. Andromeda had some impressive beams.
"Trin. You mean to tell me, you brought us here, and don't know how to take us back?!" CWC blinked.
"Ummm..."
"Trin, we're gonna kill you." Rommie_Rules and Zimbing advanced on Trinity.
"Aw, come on guys. I didn't think about how to get back. I mean.....come on. You all agreed to it!" Trin backed away, and thumped into a wall.
She really wondered how they were gonna get back. This was bad. What if they were stuck there forever?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Just as her buddies were closing in on her, the air around them shimmered.
"Trin.......are you doing that?" CWC asked.
"Uhh....no....." Trin looked around at the waving walls. Everything flickered for a second, before they were all surrounded by darkness.
-----------------------------
"Ow, hey, who's poking me?" Dritz sat up and looked around. She had fallen asleep in the Official Chat room.
"Huh? Oh, sorry. That's me." Rommie_Rules got up and rubbed her eyes. She had had the weirdest dream of all time. She was a impressive Bengal Tiger, and she was holding Tyr with her massive claws.
"Who's talking? Can't a guy get some sleep around here?" CWC opened his eyes to a foot. A foot which was attached to Zimbing. Getting a evil grin, he tickled the foot, which jerked and smacked him in the face.
"Ow." He rubbed his face and went in search of an icepack.
"*YAWN*." Trin walked into the room, rubbing the sleep outta her eyes. "You guys, I had the weirdest dream. I was this panther, and we-"
"-took over Andromeda." Zimbing finished for her.
"You were a orange tiger, Zim. I was a sea otter. Rommie_Rules was a bengal tiger. CWC was a dog." Dritz flopped back onto the couch, shocked beyond belief.
"Wow. How cool is that. We all had the same dream!" Rommie_Rules bounced.
"What are we talking about now?" CWC came in, and put the icepack on his abused face, while glaring at Zim. Zim just snickered.
"Did you by any chance have a dream CWC?" Dritz asked.
"Yeah. The coolest. We were all animals...and everybody wanted to beat up Dylan. Dritz had a frying pan. It was......what? What are you all looking at?" He looked around.
"We all had that dream!" Zimbing said.
"Oh...." CWC said.
"Hey, time for Andromeda!" Trin yelled and everybody piled onto the couch and flicked on the TV.
~Andromeda~
Dylan: "I don't know. Maybe we should change. That orange tiger and sea otter were terrifying."
Beka: "You're tellin' me!" She rubbed the back of her head.
Harper: "I dunno. They were kinda cool to me."
Tyr: "That's because they didn't hurt you."
Harper: "Because I'm sexy!" He grinned, and hoped they would come back.
Trance pouted in a corner, a little angry that a sea otter got the best of her.
~Chat Room~
Everyone just stared at each other. They all raised their eyebrows. Perhaps it wasn't a dream after all.
"AAAHHH! I am Fireball! Suffer my wrath!" Fireball jumped out from behind a chair.
"I am Dritz, suffer my frying pan!" Dritz jumped from behind Fireball and smacked him in the head with the frying pan, effectively knocking him out.
Laughing, the chatters at the Official Andromeda Chatroom just continued on with their daily insanity.
The End
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