Title: Interview with the Harper
Author: Mandy Green
Rating: PG13
Type: Snippet
Disclaimer: Gabby is an original creation, born out of hundreds of big-haired news bimbos. Harper belongs to Tribune, even though they don’t deserve him.
Summary: Written for parisindy’s very first challenge, on the SSBBS http://www.slipstreambbs.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/001100.html Harper gets interviewed for a news programme, something tells me they decided not to air it…
Interviewer: Hi, this is Gabby Pryer for ‘Interviews at Nine’. We’re talking to Seamus Zelazny Harper, Chief Engineer aboard the Andromeda Ascendant. Good evening, Mr Harper.
Harper: Hey babe. And you can just call me Harper, or the love god, or… heck, call me anytime. Rrrrrrr. *pant*
I: Uh, so M… Harper, what’s it like to be Chief Engineer on the Commonwealth’s flagship?
H: The same as being the grease monkey and general fix it guy. I get called the chief, but I’m the only engineer. Of course, being a genius, it’s easy to handle all the little problems that come along. And talking of handling things…
I: …So you enjoy your work?
H: Oh yeah. In fact I’m working on something you might be interested in in my quarters. It’s a bit hush hush so you’d have to leave the cameraman behind?
I: Ahem… Maybe later.
H: I’ll be looking forward to it. *big grin*
I: How do you handle the diplomatic responsibilities? You don’t have as high a profile as Captain Hunt, is that your choice?
H: Hurmph, Dylan hogs all the glory. Those diplomatic bashes are great for meeting babes, but Dylan stopped me going to them. He says it’s because of that thing with the Inari cultural attaché and the jellied fruit cocktail, but I think he just wants to score the best babes for himself.
I: Um, yes. How close is the crew? You’ve been together for almost two years now. How do you all get along?
H: Not nearly as well as we should, but Beka thwaps me if I suggest naked days. And trust me, you don’t want to know what Trance did.
I: Ah, I meant more personality-wise. For instance, you’re an Earther, yet you work alongside Tyr Anasazi, a Nietzschean. Is that difficult?
H: Oh yeah, at first, sure he could be tough to like, but it's really hard to hate someone with such a great ass.
I: Oh my, yes… I’d imagine… Ahem. You mentioned Trance earlier, that’s Trance Gemini, your environmental officer?
H: Yup, my formerly purple sparkly babe.
I: I noticed she’s gone though some changes recently?
H: Um, yeah. I miss the tail. Oh boy, do I miss the tail! There was this trick she did where she could reach right up your…
I: Eeep! I’m sorry Mr Harper, I’m afraid that’s all the time we have. This is Gabby Pryer returning you to the studio.
H: But I didn’t get to show you my strangely shaped… *screen goes blank*