Title: Five Minute Version of It Makes a Lovely Light
Author: D. Lerious
Rating: G
Summary: A condensed, version of It Makes a Lovely Light in parody form
Disclaimer: Andromeda is property of Tribune.
Scene 1
Ship Rommie: Reactor overload sooner than you think.
Dylan: Rommie! Shut down the wachamacallit, while I conveniently reach the critical area at the last possible second.
Scene 2
All: Surprise!
Dylan: So many candles...
Harper: Tyr rendered...
Beka: Shut up!
Scene 3
Beka: So, Tarn Vedra has emotional significance for you, and so if I wanted to go you would be easily convinced?
Dylan: Yes.
Beka: (behind his back) Yes! (to him) Well I have I way for us to get there. Here are the plans as a present for me, I mean, you.
Scene 4
Tyr: I don’t wanna go to Tarn Vedra. It’s too dangerous.
Beka: But they like, have weapons and stuff.
Tyr: Alright, I’ll stay around. Weapons are cool!
Scene 5
Harper: Is the mysterious doo-hikey?...
Beka: Shh! That’s for another episode.
Harper: Sorry.
Scene 6
Dylan: The path to Tarn Vedra looks dangerous and it was written by a nutcase. Should I be worried?
Beka: No.
Dylan: Okay let’s go.
Scene 7
(Time passes and they have gone through part of the journey.)
Twin black holes: We’re bored, let’s trap the Andromeda between us.
Scene 8
Beka: We’re stuck.
Dylan: Go take a break.
Beka: Why?
Twin holes: So, you’ll have a chance to take flash, dummy, now take it!
Beka: Who said that?
Dylan: Said what?
Beka: Nothing.
Scene 9
Beka: Hey Trance.
Trance: I'm gonna faint and be in a critical condition.
Beka: Why? To push me over the edge?
Trance: Well... uh... *faints*
Scene 10
Beka: What’s wrong with her?
Rev: How the smeg should I know? I’m a Wayist, not a doctor.
Beka: Why don’t you conveniently go so that I can make flash?
Rev: Okay.
Scene 11
Trance: (wakes up) Flash, bad.
Beka: Flash, good.
Scene 12
Dylan: Good job.
Beka: You’re such a smug smeghead!
Dylan: Huh?
Beka: Sorry. I always have severe mood swings.
Dylan: You do?... Anyway... take a break...
Black holes: So you can take more flash...
Dylan: Huh?
Beka: I don’t hear anything..
Dylan: And so I can read this diary, which I should have read before embarking on this trip.
Beka: No you can’t! It’s mine! Mine!
Scene 13
(minutes later)
Beka: Sorry.
Dylan: No problem. I’m a nice guy.
Black holes: Why the frell is she taking flash in plain sight of Andromeda sensors??
Scene 14
Harper: Beka, flash sucks, it like makes people crazy and stuff
Beka: Mind your own bizwax or else.
Harper: Okay.
Scene 15
Beka: I am Beka Valentine! I know the way to Tarn Vedra!
Dylan: On second thought, let’s not go to Tarn Vedra, it is a silly place.
Beka: Chicken! Puck Puck Puck!
Dylan: Go rest!
Beka: Are you threatening me?
Tyr: Beka is on drugs.
Dylan: What? Aside from her severe mood swings, she has no symptoms.
Scene 16
Dylan: Gimme the flash bottle.
Beka: Okay, but only if you catch it so I can do one more slip jump.
Dylan: Okay.
Scene 17
(in V-deck cell)
Beka: Well, I’m gonna just pace around and mumble to myself until Rev shows up for me to shoot him.
Scene 18
Rev: Don’t feel guilty about Beka’s taking flash.
Trance: Same to you.
Scene 19
Beka: Withdrawl sucks. Gimme more flash!
Rev: No.
Scene 20
Dylan: Let’s get outta here.
Tyr: Hey you went the wrong way!
Dylan: It’s Beka’s fault.
Tyr: Sure, blame her.
Scene 21
Beka: (taunting) I’m driving from the slip core! I’m driving from the slip core!
Scene 22
Rev: (who was shot) I need to speak to Dylan about guns being left around.
Scene 23
Harper: Beka got control of the ship because of my overrides.
Dylan: Thanks a lot!
Scene 24
Beka: What are you doing here? It’s not the last possible second before the ship explodes.
Dylan: Oh well.
Rommie: It’s the last possible second.
Beka: Might as well suffer from overdose.
Dylan: Piloting and saving the ship at the last second.
Scene 25
Dylan: Wakey wakey. How are you?
Beka: What happened?
Dylan: I saved the ship (again) and...
Beka: Oh no! I shot the Wayist, but I did not shoot the Nietzschean.