Title: D Minus Zero in Five Minutes
Author: D. Lerious
Rating: PG
Summary: A five minute parody version of D minus Zero.
Disclaimer: Andromeda is property of Tribune.
Scene A
Tyr: Why basketball?
Dylan: Because we don’t have holodecks.
Tyr: Then let’s use the game as a symbol of our different ways of doing things.
(Tyr hits Dylan with ball)
Dylan: Symbolism sucks majorly.
Scene B
Rev: I think I found a high guard ship blackbox.
Scene C
(at command)
Holo-Rommie: I recognize it. It’s the Good Ship Lolipop.
Dylan: Did you know him?
Holo-Rommie: Yes. That SOB didn’t pay back the 30000 thrones I loaned him to pay his gambling debts.
Scene D
Harper: We’re being attacked!
Beka: Let’s do the smart thing and retreat.
Dylan: No! No way!
Harper: (singing and pointing at D & B alternatly) Eeney meany minie moe, with whose order should I go? (his finger points to Dylan) Okay, I’ll follow Dylan’s order.
Dylan: On second thought, let’s retreat. Beka, let’s talk.
Scene E
Dylan: Whenever, we’re in battle, I want you to follow my ideas no matter how crazy they are.
Beka: Yeah, right.
Scene F
Holo-Rommie: (under her breath) I wish I could draw a moustache on Sarah’s picture!
Dylan: Rommie, how do you think we should clean up the green slime left by our attacker?
Holo-Rommie: I think that R2D2 should take care of it.
Dylan: Okay.
Holo-Rommie: Why the frell are you toweling in front of me?? Have you no modesty?
Dylan: Modesty is irrelevant. Besides, (starts singing and dancing) I’m to sexy for this towel, too sexy for this towel, the way I’m disco dancing...
Old ladies from Monty Python: Oooo! Aaaaaah! Well I nevah!
Scene G
Beka: Dylan is nuts.
Harper: So what else is new?
Scene H
Rev: Dylan, we find your plans to be most unusual.
Dylan: Are you saying that they are crazy?
Rev: Let’s just say that you make Captain Ahab look sane in comparison.
Scene I
Dylan: Why are you hitting my ship when you know damn well that kicking is more effective?
Harper: I dunno.
Dylan I want you to make this doohickey for me as it’ll save our asses at the end of the episode
Harper: Okay.
Scene J
Harper: We’re being attacked yet again!
Dylan: Let’s go into the sun’s corona!
Beka: My papa told me never to go into the corona of a sun.
Dylan: But Beka, that’s where the fun is.
Scene K
Tyr: Dylan’s plan is insane and the sun is frelling up my DNA! We should get rid of his ass!
Beka: I’ll go talk to him.
Tyr: Like that’s gonna help.
Scene L
Beka: Dylan, your plan is giving us radiation poisoning.
Dylan: Oh well, we can’t leave until some stuff is fixed. Besides, I look too pale.
Scene M
Holo-Rommie: Dylan, we have to get outta here soon because the ship’s parasols will only protect us for a while.
Dylan: I know.
Scene N
Harper: Dylan, here’s the doohickey that’s gonna save our asses! *faints*
Scene O
Beka: Screw this I’m leaving and taking my crew with me.
Dylan: No you’re not!
Beka: Am too!
Dylan: But I have a kickass plan!
Beka: Okay I’ll help ya.
Scene P
Harper: I’m better now.
Trance: Yay!
Scene Q
Beka: Your plan was right.
Dylan: Who da man?
Scene R
Dylan: Now it’s my turn to hit you with the basketball to symbolize that I can adapt. Symbolism Rules! (hits Tyr)