Blinded By Denial

Disclaimer: Every character or reference to Andromeda belongs to Tribune Entertainment, not me. Author: Raven
Author’s note: This is my first fan-fic. I hope you like it and I’d be thrilled if you could write me some feedback about it. Angi.schreiner@attglobal.net Story Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Dylan brings forth the idea that the crew should approach Earth about joining the Commonwealth, his suggestion is met by a wide range of emotions as tempers fly and Harper’s old memories come back to haunt him.

“Transmitting to slipstream.” Beka said, smoothly guiding the ship towards the slipstream. The space around them flickered with the bright chains of the stream. Harper instinctively grabbed the railing in front of him, his other hand on the control panel beside him. The ship started to shake violently as Beka started to guide her through the slipstream. Suddenly, the shaking stopped and they found themselves gliding silently through empty space once more. Ahead of them lay a large orange planet, surrounded by asteroids. “Rommie?” Dylan asked, looking at the planet.
The screen displaying the map indicating their current location flickered off and was replaced by the image of Rommie. “Welcome to Gamma Matrix 3, homeworld of the Sabrians.” Dylan nodded. “Mr.Harper, how is our slipstream drive?” Harper pressed a few buttons on the panel beside him and studied the Vedran writing. “We’re looking pretty darn good.”
“Excellent. Ms.Valentine?”
“Yes, Mr.Hunt?”
He glanced over at her. “Nice driving.”
Beka grinned. “Thanks. Only the best from the best.”
Both Tyr and Harper snorted.
“I heard that.”
Dylan chuckled and started walking out of Command. “I’ll be in my quarters. Beka, remain on course for about half an hour. I’m calling a meeting in about an hour. I need everyone to be there. Mr.Harper, inform Trance and Rev Bem of the meeting, will you?” “No problem.” Harper called over his shoulder, his hands still pressing a few buttons.

Harper was staring at the heap of junk on his work table in Engineering. Tools, schematic diagrams, scraps of metal, screws, his welder and lots of other stuff he didn’t even recognize were scattered all over. “How is a guy supposed to get some work done here with this mess?” He grumbled, scratching his forehead. He stared at the mess one moment longer until shrugging and with a sweep of his arm, shoved all of it onto the floor. He nodded with satisfaction and put his hands on his hips. “Ahh, space. Lots of space. Perfect.” He turned around, humming, wanting to go and grab a new diagram from his quarters. He had spied it the day before at a convention that they had all gone to. He had snatched it up as soon as he had set eyes on it. It was just another diagram of one of those little useless things, but they were so much fun to build. And just for 10 Thrones too. It had been an awesome bargain. Beka had just rolled her eyes and Tyr had muttered something about juvenile toys, but Harper had ignored them. He loved his junk. He was about to start walking when he ran smack into Rommie. “Rom doll, didn’t see…you…there…” His voice trailed off when he noticed she was glaring at him. “Oh man,” he sighed. “Why did I give you every emotion? Why couldn’t I have just kept out anger and ticked-off-ness?” He stared at her. “What?” She continued to glare. “You made my floor messy.”
“Messy? You call this messy?” he cried. “You should see the floors in my quarters.” “I have, and you really have to learn how to clean up after yourself, but asides from that, I don’t particularly care about what your quarters floors look like. This, however, is the Engineering room and it has to be kept clean.” “Oh yeah? Says who?” he asked, crossing his arms across his chest. She raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, all the lights in the room flickered and went out. “Hey!” Harper cried out, his hand reaching through the darkness for the corner of the table. He slowly started edging his way towards it when he suddenly stubbed his foot in the corner of something metallic and very hard. Pain shot up his leg and he let out a howl. Then, the lights flickered and came on again. Harper was hopping up and down, clutching his foot and yelling in pain, a few curses coming out too. “Okay, okay, fine! I’ll clean up your damn floor! I’ll clean it up.” He howled. Rommie smiled.
As Harper bent down and started to pick up the pieces of paper and tools that lay on the ground, Dylan’s voice floating into the room. “Mr.Harper. The meeting started ten minutes ago. Kindly escort yourself upstairs into my quarters immediately.” Harper grinned and dropped the tools and paper back onto the floor.” Saved by the captain man himself.” He quickly dodged Rommie, who had opened her mouth to complain, and he ran out of the room, laughing to himself.

By the time he had gotten up to Dylan’s quarters, he was gasping and was out of breath, but he was still chuckling. The look on Rommie’s face! Priceless! The door to Dylan’s room silently opened and he walked in. Everybody was sitting or standing around the large room, completely silent. Dylan was sitting behind his desk, Beka and Rev Bem were sitting in the two chairs and Trance was sitting on the arm of Beka’s chair. Tyr was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. All of them were staring at Harper and all of them were silent. Slowly, Harper’s grin faded off his face. Quickly, his mind reeled over everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. He didn’t come up with even one thing which he could have done that would piss anyone off. “What?” he asked, looking around.
Dylan cleared his throat. “Sit down-somewhere-Mr.Harper. What I have to tell you is important.” Harper went over and sat down on the arm of Rev Bem’s chair. The Magog had stopped staring at him and was studying the floor intensely. Dylan stood up. “I’ve picked the next planet which we’ll be approaching to join the Commonwealth. I’ve thought about for a long time, and I finally picked this specific planet because it had been hurt the most since the fall of the Commonwealth. If we get them to sign the charter then not only will many other planets take it into serious consideration as well, but the healing of this particular planet can begin. It’ll be a huge step for us as well as for them.” Harper blinked. He had no idea what Dylan was talking about. Dylan sighed. Beka leaned forward. “He’s talking about Earth, Harper.” She said quietly. Harper stared at Beka, then at Dylan for a moment. They couldn’t be serious. Earth? Were they nuts? This had to a joke. It had to be. Yeah, it probably was. Yeah, good one. Real good one. He started to laugh. What a sense of humor Dylan had. And so serious too. He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the chair he was sitting on. “Good one, Dylan.” He gasped out between laughs. “Real good one. Earth? Yeah right. Very good one. And so serious too. And Beka! Boss, gotta hand it to you, great acting.” He stopped laughing and put on a mock serious expression. Raising his voice, he imitated Beka: “He’s talking about Earth, Harper.” He cracked up again. “Great one, boss.” He continued laughing until he slowly noticed that no one else was joining in. They were still either staring at him (like Tyr and Dylan) or were staring at the floor (like Rev Bem, Trance and Beka). Slowly, his laughter faded out and the smile disappeared off his face. “Wait…wait, a minute. Hey, hold on. You-you aren’t serious about this, Dylan, are you?” Dylan nodded.
Harper swore. “You’re crazy.”
“No, Harper, hold on. It’s a good idea. Really, just imagine what would happen if it would work. Humans and Neitzscheans and Magog, they’d all be one equal grounds again. There’d be no more slavery, no more oppression. Things would start to heal-” Harper shook his head and interrupted him. “Just like I said. You’re crazy.” He stared around at his other shipmates. Surely one of them would agree with him that this was a bogus idea. But they didn’t. “Come on! You can’t all be agreed on this-this lost cause mission.” None of them moved.
Trance then shifted uncomfortably. “Well, Harper. I don’t mean to take sides or anything, but I kinda like Dylan’s idea. I mean, those poor people on Earth, they’ve suffered for so long. The Commonwealth would start to heal that.” Harper shook his head again. “I’ll say it again. You’re crazy.” When none of them responded, he pounded the chair he was sitting on impatiently. “I feel like I’m talking to a wall.” He grumbled, then sighed. “Okay, let me try to explain why this idea of yours is too crazy to even attempt. No, wait a minute. Rebuilding the Commonwealth was crazy to begin with. This-this is just, it doesn’t even have a word for it.” Dylan interrupted him. “Well, Mr.Harper. If it’s so nuts, then please, enlighten us.” His voice had a slight edge to it. “Enlighten you?”
“Yes. Obviously, since you’re the only one against it, that means that you know something we don’t. I, for one, have no idea why this would be a bad plan. But, pardon me, I’ve just missed 300 years of history. I’m so sorry for being a little lost. I have no idea what life in a non-Commonwealth galaxy is like. Never mind living on a non-Commonwealth planet. So please, enlighten us.” Harper closed his eyes briefly and sighed. Why couldn’t they understand the obvious? “Okay. I’ll try to put it into simple terms. And I would appreciate it if the Nietzschean wouldn’t interrupt me. Somehow, all historical events seem to come out differently from his mouth.” Tyr grunted. Harper guessed it was meant as an agreement. “Alright. Lets go back 300 years for a minute. Earth was inhabited by humans, obviously. Genetically unmodified and inferior to lots of species in other solar systems. However, they got along fine with the Commonwealth. They got all the things they needed and lived by trading with others and by building alliances with other inferior races who would support them if they ever got into trouble. Humans had brains, but no strength. They didn’t then, and they still don’t. So, when the Commonwealth goes boom and Nietzscheans start running around everywhere, picking up the broken pieces, Earth is the first place they go for. Full of inferior Kludges who had brains, but can’t defend themselves even if they tried. So, the Draco-Katzov Pride comes along, occupies everything and if some feeble resistance comes along, then they just step on it and its gone. So, Earth is successfully occupied. Then, the Magog come and start gorging themselves on all the remains. Millions of them descend on the already ruined planet and start ripping apart anyone they come across. And it’s not like any of the humans had anywhere to run. I mean, a planet is round, right?” He got off the chair, trying to keep his temper. Talking about the Magog raids always made his own memories come back. He blinked, forcing them away and continued talking. “Now, everything is perfect. Earth is like a frigging gold mine. The Nietzscheans get enough slaves to fill all their planets and they get an enormous amount of territory and its not like they have to worry about any revolts. I mean, what chance do humans have against Nietzscheans? Nilch. Zero. Zip. For the Magog, its gorge fest. Everywhere, hundreds of defenseless pieces of meat running around. Plenty to be used as hosts and be infested, even more to be eaten, and lots to be put into cold storage when the kids at home get hungry.” Harper stopped and looked up at Dylan. He was looking slightly paler than usual. Harper gave him a bitter smile. “Don’t like the present as much as the past, do you?” he asked quietly. “So, anyway. By joining your new Commonwealth, what does Earth have to lose? Well, the Nietzscheans and the Magog would be losing everything they had gained. Slaves, territory and food. What does Earth have to gain? Well, a little freedom and hope for the few humans who have fought desperately to survive in that hell hole. And when you do go down there, who are you going to ask to sign the charter, Dylan? Magog? They won’t sign. Some Dragons? They won’t sign. Humans? They’d be killed before they’ve even touched the paper.” “But Harper, if we negotiate, then I’m sure-”
Harper’s patience snapped. “Will you wake up?!” he yelled. “I understand that you’ve missed a couple of years and you’re feeling kinda lost in this new non-Commonwealth place, but will you stop trying to pretend that this is the world that you left behind so long ago? The time of love and peace when everybody got along with everybody. The time when problems got solved by talking and by your blind idealism. Well, let me give you a little hint, Dylan. Today, there isn’t any negotiation. There isn’t any talking. And there certainly isn’t any love and peace or idealism! Everybody is greedy and brutal and utterly disgusting. They get their hands on something good and they won’t let go just because its not in the best interests of others. The Nietzscheans and the Magog will never let go of Earth. Are you hearing me, Dylan? They will never let go. They have too much to lose. And Humans? Nobody asked us at the beginning what we wanted. It didn’t matter. It happened anyway. Now, nobody’s gonna ask us what we want either. And it won’t matter, since it’ll happen anyway. We never had and never will have a chance against any of them. Never, Dylan.” His voice caught as his throat choked up. Turning around, he desperately fought against the tears he knew would come. He couldn’t cry in front of any of them. Especially not Tyr. He pushed himself past the chair where Rev Bem was sitting, staring at him with sad eyes full of pity, and ran towards the door. After it opened softly, he ran through it and down the hall. He heard Beka calling him, but he ignored her and kept on going. He didn’t stop running until he reached his quarters. Gasping for breath, he fell through the door and collapsed on his bed.

At night, the nightmares came. Usually they stayed away, but all this talk about Earth made them come back. He tried to fight, but they sucked him in and refused to let him go, like always. He saw the refugee camp where he had grown up. Saw his mother. Saw her thin, starved face and her brave smile. She always tried to be strong for him. She had loved him so much. Saw his cousins and his aunt and uncle. He saw the Nietzscheans guards who had beaten him when they had caught him stealing food off a sleeping Nietzschean guard. He had just been seven at the time. He remembered the Magog raid too. That was the worst. Saw his cousins infested, lying on the ground, their eyes filled with such terror and pain as their insides were eaten alive. Saw the skin on his aunt Nina’s face peel off and heard her screaming as the Magog sprayed acid in her face. Saw his mother lying on the ground, a Magog standing over her, eating her dirty remains. Saw his uncle Peter walking towards Harper, clutching the stump by his shoulder where his arm used to be. Everywhere were dead bodies, massacred and burned beyond recognition. Everywhere, screaming and moans. He couldn’t get away. He tried to run, he couldn’t move. Now the Nietzscheans were coming back. Burning all the dead. Even the ones who weren’t dead. He saw his best friend, Osim, mouth off to the Nietzschean guard who grabbed him and whipped him until he died. As his mind reeled backwards, he saw Osim’s father crucified. They made everyone watch. For seven hours they had to watch. Had to watch him die. He’d been accused of killing his daughter. His own daughter. Of course he hadn’t. One of the guards had. But they had to pin it on somebody else. Everybody had known. Of course they had. But they couldn’t say anything. All they could do was watch. Watch until he died, amid his screams and pleas for mercy. Then the Magog were back. The burning flesh, the brutally massacred corpses strewn across the dirt. Then the Magog saw him. He tried to run, but couldn’t. The Magog kept on coming, spraying acid everywhere. His hands reached out and he tried to grab him. He started screaming, he still couldn’t move. Then he saw his mother. They were still gorging themselves on her. Her eyes were still open, staring up at the sky. He wanted to run to her and close her eyes, but he couldn’t move. The Magog was getting closer and his claws snagged on Harper’s shirt and lifted him up until Harper was staring right into his black eyes. He started screaming. Screaming for help. Screaming for his mother, his uncle, even his cousins. Anybody.

Suddenly, Harper sat up, gasping for breath, his screams dying in his throat. There was light all around him. He stared around in bewilderment, his eyes still filled with terror. Slowly, he took in his surroundings. He was on the med deck. Sitting on the bed. His shirt was covered in sweat and he was shaking uncontrollably. Blinking, he saw Beka, Dylan and Trance hovering around him. “Magog,” he gasped out. “They’re here, they’ve come already-” “Harper, calm down, there aren’t any-”
“Can’t you see them? They’re everywhere!” he screamed, pointing a shaky finger at the door. “They got everybody. They got my mom. They already ate mom. Too late for her. Got the twins too. Infested. And they burned aunt Nina. She screamed horribly. They got to uncle Peter too. They only got his arm though, so he’ll be okay. But everyone else is gone. There ain’t anybody left. They’re all dead.” He gasped out. “Harper, calm down. It’s all right-”
“Alright?” he screamed. “They’ll come back, you just watch. Always do. They’ll come back and then I won’t get away. I won’t be able to run-” Suddenly, he got a stinging slap across the face.
“Seamus! Wake up! You’re on the Andromeda. You’re fine. There’s no Magog.” Beka said, grabbing hold of his hands. Harper blinked, slowly letting reality seep back in. He took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m on the Andromeda?”
“Yes.”
“No Magog?”
“No. Well, only one. Rev. You know Rev.”
Harper nodded, trying to stop his body from shaking. “Right. Rev. He’s okay. Any Nietzscheans?” “Only Tyr.”
“He’s not a Dragon. He’s okay.” Harper gasped out. Trance felt his forehead. “Well, he doesn’t have a fever. Physically he’s fine.” “Harper?” It was Dylan.
“Yeah?”
“You alright?”
He nodded. “I think so, captain. Thanks. Just stupid nightmares. They get to me sometimes. No big deal.” He attempted a weak smile, still trying to stop his heart from racing. He slowly started edging off the bed. “I’m fine now. I swear. Just gonna go back to my quarters and leave you all in peace. What time is it anyway? Must be close to midnight. Man, I’m sorry I woke everyone up so late-” Suddenly, Rev Bem came into the room. For a moment, reality shifted again. Screaming, Harper leapt off the bed and ran, half sliding to the other side of the room and cowered beside the wall. His eyes wild, he reached out and grabbed one his metal tools he had left lying around. “Get away from me!” he screamed. Rev immediately backed up, holding up his hands. “Harper, I’m sorry if I startled you. I didn’t mean you any ha-” “Shut up! I don’t wanna hear it! Just wanna sweet talk me until you get close enough to take a good bite, huh? It’s what they all do. What, my mom wasn’t enough for you? Gotta have the younger version too, huh?” he snarled. Rev opened his mouth, but before he could get out one word, Harper swore at him and threw the tool at him as hard as he could. It missed the Wayist by only inches. Bowing a little, Rev wordlessly turned and left the room. Gasping for breath, Harper slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Suddenly, the tears that he had tried so hard to hold back earlier came flooding out. He hugged his knees, holding his head down as his shoulders shook with sobs. He was muttering small words which nobody could understand. Dylan and Beka exchanged a few whispered words until Dylan nodded and walked out of the room.

Outside, the captain leaned against the wall. He stared off into space. “My God.” He whispered. He knew that what Harper had said earlier was true. He did hide behind the pretension that everything was still the way it was before. Dylan sighed. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the truth. It was too awful for him to face. It was easier to pretend. Yes, much easier to pretend. It couldn’t be true what Harper had said about Earth. Surely things weren’t that bad there. Harper had been a young child growing up there. His imagination must have gotten the better of him. Yes, that’s right. It couldn’t possibly be that bad. Shaking himself a little to recollect himself, Dylan pushed himself off the wall and walked to his quarters. Yes, it was so much easier to pretend.

Trance had quietly left too, leaving Beka alone with Harper. She walked over and knelt down in front of the sobbing young man. They remained like this for a long time until Harper finally raised his head. Tears were still running down his face. His eyes were filled with such pain that she had to force herself not to look away. “They all died, Beka. They all died. And for no reason either. Just because they were human. They all died.” He sobbed out. “And I…and I…survived. They all died, and I survived.” Beka could hear the guilt buried underneath the words. The pain. Without a word, she reached out and drew him into her arms. He clutched her like drowning man would. She still didn’t say anything, but just held him as he sobbed into her shoulder, years of pain and anger flooding out of him.

Dylan was pacing up and down in his quarters. From time to time he’d stop and stare at the Commonwealth chart on the wall. Six little stars glimmered in the faint light of his desk lamp. Six planets already. They had all been difficult to get, but he had gotten to them. Why couldn’t Earth be up there too? Surely what Harper had said wasn’t true. With some good old fashioned diplomacy and negotiation, he could get Earth too. He continued his pacing, in deep thought.
“Rommie?”
Andromeda’s holographic form materialized in front of him. “Yes, Dylan?” Dylan was tracing some scratches on his desk. “I’ve been thinking.” The hologram nodded. She had seen him pacing around his quarters for most of the night. He had been restless, walking around, mumbling to himself. She was going to listen in, but her avatar form had forbidden her to eavesdrop. Whatever decision it was that was bothering him, it was a big one. Dylan looked up and stared at the map again. Surely things couldn’t be as bad on Earth as Harper had said. He had had some contact with the Draco-Katzov Pride. They were bad but they weren’t brutal. Yes, Harper’s imagination must have been playing with his mind. “Rommie?”
“Yes, Dylan?”
“Plot a new course.”
The Hologram raised an eyebrow. “According to my last set of instructions you issued, we were to make a direct course to the Than homeworld. You wanted to try and see if negotiations about the Commonwealth were possible.” “I know. But the Than can wait. Change our course.” He glanced up at her. “We’re going to Earth.”

Harper whirled around from where he had been standing, welding some old buttons back on securely. “You’re going where?!” He exclaimed, yanking up his goggles. He stared at Dylan who was standing, looking at a map of the new course Andromeda had set up. Beka was sitting in the pilot chair, but was also staring at Dylan, her eyebrows raised. Harper turned off his welder, which was still shooting sparks, and glared at the captain. “Earth, Mr. Harper. Problem?”
Beka leaned forward. “Dylan, don’t you think this is a little bit on the insane side? I mean, I though we had all decided that-” “You bet I have a problem.” Harper snarled, interupting Beka. Dylan glanced at him. “Mr. Harper, look. I’m sure that things aren’t as bad as you thought they are. I mean, you were only a child when the raids and famines happened. Your imagination might have run away with you for a bit.” Harper stared at him. “You think I made all that stuff up? You think my nightmares are just little bits of crap my mind churns up? Huh?” Harper’s voice rose as anger seeped in. “Is that what you think?” “Dylan, Harper, both of you, shut up for a moment and listen. This is getting us nowhere.” Beka said. Dylan glanced at Harper. The young man was seething.
“Yes, Mr. Harper. That is what I think. I’m sure that if we all go back and see, you’ll realize that things aren’t as bad as you made them out to be.” “Fine.” Harper said softly. He threw his welder and his goggles onto the floor. “Fine. Go to Earth. Attempt your lost cause mission. See for yourself what a fairytale place Earth has become.-” “Harper.” Beka interupted softly.
“-But you’ll have to go without me.”
Without looking at Beka, Harper glared at Dylan before calmly stepping over his goggles and welder lying on the floor and quietly walked out of Command. The doors softly swished closed behind him. Beka sighed softly and glanced up at Dylan. He was still staring at the map. “Great Dylan. Real smooth, captain man.” She said, pushing herself out of the chair and running out of Command. Dylan didn’t move, just continued staring at the screen. “He won’t leave. He won’t. He can’t.” “You’ll have to face reality sometime, Dylan.”
Dylan spun around. Rev was standing behind him, gazing at him calmly. Dylan opened his mouth to ask the Magog to please mind his own business for once, when he realized that what he had said was true. Pushing past him, Dylan leapt into the pilot chair, his jaw set in determination. “Rev, I’d advice you to take a seat somewhere. The ride’s gonna be a little rough. It’s been a while since I’ve slipstreamed.” He muttered, punching in their course. Then he grabbed the controls.

Beka ran along the corridors. She had already been in his quarters, in Hydroponics, she’d even been down in the hangar deck to check if he was trying to get away in a life pod, or even in the Maru. She hadn’t found him anywhere. She continued running, now going to Engineering. He had to be there. She had to find him before he did something stupid. Why did Dylan have to be such a stubborn fool, living with his head up in the clouds? She sighed in frusteration. What a mess. Oh well. She could fix it. First, she had to find Harper. Then she’d deal with Dylan. Suddenly, the ship lurched and Beka just managed to grab a rung of a ladder she was passing before she fell. Somebody was slipstreaming. Dylan. He was going to Earth. She swore quietly.
She started running again. Where in the world was Harper?

Harper threw a few of his precious diagrams into the small duffel bag. He’d already been down in his quarters and taken the few things that really belonged to him. He wasn’t going to leave owing Dylan anything. He picked up a tiny laser gun that was just lying around. He looked at it, shrugged and threw it into the bag too. Probably would come in handy sometime. He felt the ship lurch forward and he nearly went sprawling across his table. He swallowed hard. Dylan must be driving. The damn fool was really going to Earth. Oh well, Harper wasn’t going with him. No way in hell was he going back. He heard the door open behind him He knew who it was, but he didn’t turn around. He continued packing. “You don’t have to bother, boss. Save your breath.”
Beka didn’t reply but kept on walking until she was standing on the other side of the table. She calmly put her elbows on the table and leaned her head on her hands, staring at Harper picking up various things lying around on the table and stuffing them into his bag. “What the hell are you doing, Seamus?” she asked quietly. He didn’t meet her eye. “I’m packing. What does it look like?” “Why?”
“Why?” He glanced at her. “Why?”
“Yes, why? I don’t get it, so you might want to explain. You and Dylan get into a stupid little tiff and you get up and leave? I really don’t get it.” Harper sighed and slammed a tool onto the table. “It wasn’t a stupid little tiff, Beka. I’m sick and tired of all of his bullshit. I didn’t really care when he refused to face reality, but when he bullies the rest of us to live life with our heads in the damn clouds too, that’s when it gets to me. Especially now when he resorts to calling me a liar.” “He never called you a liar.”
Harper gave her a look. Beka looked down at the table. “Okay, fine. He might have hinted at it, but that didn’t mean that you should get yourself so riled up that you pack and leave.” “And why not, huh? I don’t want to put up with this anymore. I’m sick of it. Plus, I ain’t itching to get back to Earth either.” “Harper-”
“No, Beka! I promised myself years ago that once I left, I’d never come back. Never. And I don’t aim on breaking that promise now. Especially if it is to help a guy who lives life in a dream and calls me a liar.” “Right. And where are you planning to go, may I ask?” she asked. She raised an eyebrow when he hesitated. “I’ll find someplace. I always do. I can take care of myself. I always do and I always come out okay.” “Really? Just like you were taking care of yourself on Galatia when I found you, huh? Running around, half starved, living like a rat in the gutter, picking up what other people leave behind. Is that the wonderful life you’re gonna run back to, huh?” “Well I survived once, Beka. I can do it again.”
“Yes, but do you really want to? I mean, look Seamus. Here you have everything you’ve been dreaming of since the day you were born. You’ve got good clothes, a roof over your head, enough food to make you so damn fat you won’t fit through the door anymore, lots of toys for you to play with-” she waved her hand dismissively at the piles of techo-gadgets lying around the room. “But most importantly, you have a family here. It might not be much, but it’s a family. People who love you and would do anything for you, Seamus. Do you really want to leave all that behind just because Dylan is going through some stupid mid-life crisis right now?” Harper toyed around with a welder that lay in his hands. The anger he had felt just a few minutes ago was slowly fading and what Beka was saying was slowly filtering in. He really didn’t want to leave the Andromeda. It was true. Here was everything he had ever dreamed of. He even had a family here. People who cared about him. He had never really had that before. And truth be told, he really didn’t want to go back to living in the gutters. The things he had had to do in order to survive-a shudder went through him. No way in hell he’d go back to that. Beka looked at him. “Harper, don’t abandon your own family when it needs you. Dylan needs you right now. Not at the moment. At this exact moment he’s still flying high in his dream world. But as soon as we reach Earth, it’s gonna hit him in the face. Imagine twenty years of your life hitting him in the face in a second.” Harper grimaced. “Man, that won’t be good.”
“Right. It won’t be good but it can be slightly more bearable if he has the people he needs around him. He needs you Harper, despite what he might say. We all need you.” Harper slowly put down the welder and sighed. His family needed him. He couldn’t leave now. “Alright. I’ll stay.” He glanced up at Beka, a slight twinkle back in his blue eyes. “I mean, if I leave, who’ll mess around with everything he’s not supposed to and drive everybody nuts? And, most importantly, Tyr will kill everybody on board this ship after a week of him having to run around and fix everything. I guarantee you that.” He gave her a grin. Beka cracked a smile and reached across the table and ruffled his hair. “I’m proud of you, Seamus.”
Pushing herself off the metal work bench, she started walking towards the door. “See you in Command.” She called over her shoulder.
He gave her a wave. “Sounds good.”
Harper sighed again. “Well, here goes nothing.” He mumbled softly as he dumped the contents of his bag out onto the table and started cleaning it all up. He picked up the small laser gun and was about to throw it onto the floor, when he went and hid it in a drawer instead. “Trance’ll probably come in here one day, find it and blow her purple head off.” He grumbled as he started for the door.

Harper was holding onto the railing in front of him as the ship lurched back and forth as Beka navigated her through the last slipstream jump. He swallowed. They were here. Any second now they’d see it. Dylan hadn’t said a word when Harper had come walking back into Command. Rev Bem had given him a small bow, indicating that the events of the night before were forgotten. Harper was going to apologize for that, but Rev had held up a hand and wordlessly shaken his head. Apologies weren’t necessary. Trance was standing beside Harper, staring out at the empty space before them. She cocked her head to the side, thoughtfully. “I’ve never seen Earth before.” Harper snorted. “Yeah? Well, you’re one of the lucky ones.” Trance glanced at him.
“Rommie?” Dylan asked.
The screen flickered and the image of Rommie came on. She slightly hesitated before she answered him. Or maybe it was just Harper’s imagination. “Welcome to the Milky way Galaxy. Planet Earth.”
Suddenly, Earth came into sight. Harper saw it out of the corner of his eye. His hand froze over the control panel he was punching Commands into. He turned and stared through the window. Amid the black and endless space lay Earth. Covered in swirls of blue and green with some white and grey clouds mixed in, it really looked breathtaking. Trance gasped. “It looks so beautiful.”
Harper stared at it. “Well, everything ugly can look beautiful from far away.” He whispered. Tyr glanced at him. He had heard him but he didn’t acknowledge it. He had some idea what the younger man was going through. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to go back to his own homeworld. Dylan was staring at the planet too. “Beka, take us in nice and slow. I just want to get through the atmosphere and glide around. We won’t be landing.” Harper sighed with relief. At least he’d be spared that. This way, he could turn around and not look if he didn’t want to. He took a deep breath. You don’t even have to look, Harper. It’ll be okay. Biting his lip, he punched some buttons.
Slowly, the Andromeda came closer to Earth. Dylan could see the clouds swirling across its blue and green surface. It was so magnificent. How could this possibly be the hell hole Harper had said it was? Beka clutched the controls tightly, her knuckles white. She prayed that both Harper and Dylan would be alright. This must be hell for Harper. Poor guy. He was being dragged back to his worst nightmares. And she was driving. She shook her head. Captain’s orders. What could she do? She glanced at Dylan. Silently she hoped that the truth wouldn’t hit him in the face too hard. He’d been through a lot these past few months. He really shouldn’t have to go through with this. But, oh well, captain’s orders. What could she do? Harper swallowed hard. They were starting to glide through the first few layers of the atmosphere. Soon the clouds would be gone and they’d all be able to see it. See Earth. As Rommie announced that they were about to penetrate through the last layer of clouds before being in full view of the surface, Harper squeezed his eyes shut. Home sweet home.

“Rommie?”
“Yes, Dylan?”
“Just sweep the surface and show us what you got. I don’t want to get any closer. If they establish full visual contact of us then there’s no telling what they’ll do.” Harper laughed a cold, bitter laugh. “They’d die of shock. Nobody ever comes to Earth. Nobody. Except for Nietzschean ships and Magog swarmers, nobody ever comes here.” “Sweeping the surface.” Rommie said, her eyes scanning around as she started projecting images to the screen beside her. The screen which had just moments ago been showing them the spinning peaceful planet now was replaced by another image. A thin woman, dressed in rags and clutching a worn shawl around her neck, her dirty hair hanging tangled around her filthy face, was bending down towards the heap of garbage she was standing on. She rummaged around until she pulled out something which none of them could identity. Shaking some of the dirt off it, she examined it before silently shaking her head and dropping it again. The image flickered away and was replaced by two children. Both of them horribly thin and dressed in filthy rags, they were fighting and screaming at each other. One of the boys held a small bundle of rags in his arms and the other boy was kicking and clawing at him, trying to get it. Again the image was replaced. This time, it showed a small shack, built from nothing but pieces of wood and a few strips of cloth. A tall Nietzschean stood in the doorway and was coldly ordering whoever was inside to come out. When nobody responded, he reached in and dragged out a thin woman who was screaming and crying, muttering over and over again that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Suddenly, an older boy appeared who looked to be in his teens. He yelled at the Nietzschean to let his mother go. The Nietzschean gave a low chuckle and turned on the boy. Reaching over, he snapped his neck with a quick flick of his wrist. The woman screamed and fell to her knees, crawling towards her son. The Nietzschean laughed again and kicked her away before grabbing her and dragging her off. The image flickered and was replaced by a girl who couldn’t have been any older than sixteen. She was clutching a small bowl filled with some kind of grey paste in it. She scooped up a small mouthful with a dirty spoon before handing it to one of the seven little thin children sitting on the ground before her. One by one, they clutched the spoon and hungrily swallowed the gruel. Harper was staring at the screen. Oh God. It was like he’d never left. Everything was still the same. Nothing had changed. Nothing. The image changed again. This time it showed a crowd of filthy, thin people are staring at the ground in front of them, their faces blank. In front of them, a man lay on the ground, stripped to the waist. His ankles and wrists were tied to stakes which had been hammered into the ground. He was shaking and screaming in pain and his entire back shimmered with blood. A Nietzschean was standing over him, a long, blood soaked rawhide whip in his hands. Swinging it around, he brought it cracking through the air and let it slash the man’s back again. The man’s face twisted with pain as he screamed again. Harper spun around. He couldn’t look anymore. His own scars were burning as he remembered that. Oh God, how that had hurt. He squeezed his eyes shut. The raw ropes had rubbed his wrists and ankles until they had bled. He still had a scar from that on one of his wrists. All he could remember was the pain and the constant praying that the next lash would be the last. But they seemed to never end. He had gone unconscious before it had been over. He never knew how many they had given him. He didn’t really care. They had given him enough. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and took a long breath. He couldn’t give up now. He turned back around.
Tyr was staring at the screen. Slowly, he looked over at Harper. He nodded at the screen. “You lived through all that?”
Harper quickly glanced at him. If the damned idiot was going to start in on him now, he swore he’d get a gun and blow his head off. “Yeah.” He replied, a slight edge to his voice. It sounded cold and bitter. “For twenty years.” Tyr raised an eyebrow. “I’m very impressed. Good for you, boy.” Harper continued staring at him. “Well, you can save your breath. If it weren’t for your disgustingly superior race, I wouldn’t have had to live through that for even a day, never mind years.” He snarled. Turning around, he walked out of Command. He couldn’t stay there anymore. Not when that screen was still spewing every single one of his memories at him. Not when the guilt and the anger and the pain were being thrown at him all over again. He couldn’t take it. Dylan was staring at the screen in shock. As the first image had come up on the screen he had wanted to laugh it off. But now…now, he couldn’t laugh anymore. It was true. What Harper had said, it had all been true. The starvation, the suffering, the oppression, it was all true. He stared at the screen. It was really all true. He blinked. Turning towards Beka, his eyes bewildered, he stared at her. “Beka?”
Beka looked at him. She knew by his eyes that he had now admitted defeat. He couldn’t fight reality anymore. He wasn’t strong enough. “Yes?” she asked quietly.
He stared at her, his eyes still bewildered. “The Commonwealth….the Commonwealth is really dead.” He looked up at the screen again. “The Commonwealth died over three hundred years ago.” He whispered. Beka stood up from the pilot chair and went over to him. Silently, she embraced him and held him in her arms like she had held Harper the night before. He hugged her back fiercely, the only thing solid in a world where everything he had known or pretended was now crashing down around him. “The Commonwealth is dead.” He whispered.

Hours later, they were quietly gliding through space again. Rommie had silently turned on the autopilot and had navigated herself out of Earth’s atmosphere and had sped away from it, leaving behind that hauntingly beautiful blue and green planet without a backwards glance.

Harper leaned against one of the railings in Hydroponics. He loved it in here. So peaceful and quiet. And so many flowers and trees. He’d never seen this many flowers on Earth. Some of the old folks said they could remember when Earth used to have a few brightly colored flowers here and there. Harper had laughed it off. Staring around himself now, he realized that it could very well be possible. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. That had been hell in Command. He smirked. Of course it had been hell. After all, they’d been in hell. He grinned wryly. At least his sense of humor was holding out of him. If nothing else, then he could still be funny. Suddenly, he heard the doors swish open. He didn’t turn around. Whoever the hell it was, he didn’t feel like talking to them. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He heard soft footsteps coming towards him. Couldn’t be Tyr or Dylan or Beka. They always stomped around everywhere. Maybe Trance. But no. He’d be able to hear her tail dragging along the ground. Couldn’t be Rommie. She was autopiloting. That left…Rev. The Magog didn’t say a word to him, just came up beside him and leaned against the railing. Silently, they stared out the huge window at the black darkness enveloping the ship. In the distance Harper could see the faint little outlines of the next slipstream. It took years of practice to be able to see them. In empty space they were easy to spot, but sometimes, some planets took extra care to disguise their slipstreams. That way, it was harder to find them. Or leave them. Harper sighed. That had been hell, leaving Earth. Stowing away on a crappy salvage ship, copped up for days in a tiny little box. No food, no water. Only the constant fear. If anybody would have caught him, he would have been a dead man. Oh well, it had been worth it. He had gotten to Galatia in one piece, and then Beka had found him. From then on, life had been a piece of cake. He glanced at Rev.
“I’m just gonna take a stab in the dark here and guess that you ain’t here to look at flowers or play ‘spy the slipstream’. It ain’t Magogish.” Rev chuckled. “You’re quite right. It isn’t in our nature to take time out to look at beautiful things or to enjoy the simple things in life. However, it also isn’t in our nature to become Wayists. You see? I have already strayed from the path of my people.” Harper smiled. “That makes two of us. I ran away from my people, you got kicked out by them.” “Not pleasant, is it?”
“Nope.”
Silence again. Harper traced some scratches on the railing.
Rev watched him in silence. Then:
“You shouldn’t feel guilty, Harper.”
Harper’s finger froze.
“Guilty over what?” That’s it. Play dumb. Maybe he’ll give up.
“You know exactly what I am talking about. Don’t play ignorant, Seamus. I will not leave until I have hammered the point which I’m about to make into your head.” Hammered. The guy’s common was getting as bad as his. Harper scratched his forehead. “No, Rev. I’m serious. I’ve got no clue. Guilty over what? Not cleaning up the Engineering floor when Rommie was pissed off? Don’t worry about that one. Ain’t got a shred of guiltiness inside me over that one.” “You are straying away from the topic of conversation.” Harper was starting to get angry. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him alone? “Yeah, well what topic of conversation might that be?” he spat out. “Your life on Earth.”
Silence.
“Harper, I know you feel guilty over all the things which have happened. You feel guilty over your own survival. You never speak of it, but it clearly shows in your eyes.” Harper clutched the railing. “So what if I do?” he asked quietly, pain seeping into his voice. “Wouldn’t you feel guilty? I mean, after years of living on Earth I’ve seen hundreds of people die. Hundreds. Some people I knew and others I didn’t. It wasn’t like any of them did anything or had to live through anything that I didn’t. But somehow, after it all, I’m the only alive, and everyone is dead. And what’s more, none of those people deserved to die. They were all so much stronger and braver than me. They were all so much better than me. Yet, for some stupid reason, I’m the only one who survives. The skinny little wise ass survives. I’ve tried to blame it on fate, Rev. Hundreds of times, I’ve said to myself that, yeah sure, I survived because it’s my destiny to. But that means that it was all those other peoples destinies to die. But it can’t be. That’s just to cruel. All those people were so much better than me. It couldn’t possibly have been written in the damn stars that they should die. And the way they died too. I mean, starvation, disease, torture, beatings, Magog attacks-you name it, I’ve seen someone die of it. It’s so damned unfair, Rev! Why them and why not me?” Rev sighed. “It is not a question which is easily answered.-” Harper snorted, interrupting him. “Tell me about it. I’ve been trying for 23 years.” “-However, I will try. I could answer you in two different ways. The first way is that you simply survived because of luck. But that is a somewhat ridiculous suggestion. If you would have fought off starvation once because you had managed to find some scrap of food somewhere, I would nod my head and say that was luck. But for luck to stay with you for twenty years and serve you everyday, that is very far fetched.” Rev glanced over at the younger man. He was still clutching the railing, staring out into space. “However, the second way is the way which you had disregarded just moments ago. You said that fate couldn’t possibly have helped you survive. I say, why not? The Divine has a plan for each of us, Harper. However short or long it might be, the Divine was the one who decided upon it. He made it part of your destiny to survive, Seamus. He did this because he saw something in you. He saw that deep within you, you had a good heart. And not a lot of those people around you had good hearts. They might have done things which might have appeared great or brave, but that never made them better than you. The Divine saw that you have a good heart, and he knew, that if you survived, you would spend your life making sure that others did too. I mean, what are you doing now? Fighting an uphill battle for the Commonwealth, which, if it would be resurrected, would save hundreds of lives, especially lives on Earth. Also, the Divine saw that you were strong and were a fighter. He felt like he could trust you to come through for him. And you have. You survived because it was your destiny to survive. It was always your destiny to survive, however, it wasn’t all those other peoples destinies to die.” Harper gave him a look. “That makes no sense.”
The Wayist smiled. “Of course it does. Think about it. The Divine cannot make our choices for us. Those other people, the things they did during their lives, the Divine couldn’t control. Those choices led to their deaths. However, when it came to you, you always had a good heart. And that little fact, Seamus, helped you survive. You shouldn’t feel guilty over it. Your survival was not only in the Divine’s plan for you, but it will long serve people everywhere, especially humankind.” Tears fell down Harper’s face as he listened to Rev. It sounded so strange, yet somehow, it made sense. He glanced at the Magog. “Thanks, Rev.” he whispered, smiling through his tears. Rev gave him a small bow and wordlessly turned and left. Harper heard the doors softly swish open and then close. He was alone again. He sighed. There were things he had to do. Apologize to Tyr. Talk to Dylan. He made a face. All this good stuff. He glanced out the window.
“You like my good heart, huh? Well, I might as well put it to good use.” He turned and started to walk out of Hydroponics. Then he stopped and turned back around. “Thanks by the way. For taking a gamble with me and all. Thanks for everything.” He said quietly, staring out into black space.

Harper walked around the ship, looking for Tyr. He prayed silently that Tyr wouldn’t blow up at him. Nietzscheans and their temper tantrums were awful. He finally arrived at the observation deck. Harper hardly ever came here. Just had a few chairs, a table and was surrounded by glass. The entire place felt eerie, like you were standing in the middle of space or something. Slowly, he walked down the ramp and went up to a chair in which somebody was sitting. The room was almost completely dark except for a small lamp which sat on the table. He could see a glimmer of light coming from the chair as the light from the lamp glinted off Tyr’s chain mail. He was sitting there, reading a book and ignoring Harper. Harper cleared his throat. “Uhm, Tyr?”
Tyr glanced up at him but didn’t even acknowledge his presence, looking down again and going back to reading his book. Harper stared at his feet. Damn this was hard. “Tyr-” he took a deep breath. “-I’m sorry.” Silence. Tyr looked up and stared at him. Then he slowly put his book down. “For what?”
“For blowing up at you in Command. I’m real sorry about that. Didn’t mean to. I was just upset.” Tyr held up a hand. “It’s perfectly understandable. I would have reacted the same way if our situations were reversed. But for what it’s worth, I accept the apology.” Harper slowly let out his breath. That went okay. He turned around and started walking away. “Mr.Harper?”
He stopped.
“For future reference, don’t get upset when I give you a compliment. You have doubtlessly noticed that it does not occur often.” Harper smiled. “Right. I’ll try to remember that one for-uhm-future reference.” “Excellent. And, Mr.Harper?”
“Yeah?”
“I meant what I said before. I am very impressed. It takes a lot of strength to survive in those conditions and for so long.” “Thanks. But it wasn’t all me. My pal up there and I had a little agreement.” Tyr rolled his eyes and muttered something about juvenile infancy and went back to reading his book. Harper was about to leave when he turned around. “I really meant that. Thanks, Tyr.” Tyr gave him a look. “Did you think that I thought you were joking?” Harper grinned and walked out of the obs deck. Everything was back to normal.

Dylan was standing behind his desk, staring out of the window. Harper quietly stood by the door, unsure of what to say. He cleared his throat. “Listen, Dylan. I’m-” he paused and tried again. “I’m sorry.” Dylan glanced at him. “Don’t apologize, Harper. You haven’t done anything wrong or offended me in any way. It was me who was the stupid idiot. There you were, trying to warn me, trying to help me, trying to open my eyes, and all I do is turn around, call you a liar and drag you backwards through hell until hell opens my eyes for me. It was me who was the idiot in this case, not you.” He looked at him. “I’m the one whose sorry. What I did was stupid and idiotic and utterly-” “Stupid?” Harper put in.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Harper came closer to the desk. “Dylan, I’m not denying that you’ve been running around with your eyes closed for the past few months, but I seriously don’t blame you. If I would have been through the-the time shock that you’ve been through, yeah, it would take me a while too to adjust. I’m just glad you’ve caught up with us now.” Dylan smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“I know. Why do you think I didn’t leave? We might be heading towards hell but as long as my family is going there, I’m gonna stick by their side no matter where they’re going.” Dylan laughed. “What a family we are, Harper. A bunch of lost outcasts thrown together. And willing to die for each other too.” “Yeah, we’re pathetic, aren’t we?”
Both of them chuckled.
“Hey, but listen, are you alright now?”
Dylan looked at him. “Yeah. I’m slowly letting it seep in.”
“It’s gonna hurt.”
“I know, but hey, I have to let it in.”
“Yeah, we can’t have a captain whose living with his head in the clouds, now can we?”

Dylan sat at his desk, staring at the picture of him and Sarah. Reaching over, he quietly turned the picture down so he couldn’t see it. He was ready to live in the present now.

Harper came into the Engineering room, whistling. He held his welder in one hand and rubbed his hands. Finally he’d get to try out that new techno-gadget he’d picked up at the convention. He hadn’t even reached the table when he was confronted with Rommie. She was glaring at him and pointing at the floor. His whistling died in his throat as he looked down and saw the floor still covered in the same mess which he had left there. “Rommie-” he whined.
She raised an eyebrow and looked up at the lights.
“Okay, okay, I’ll clean up.” He muttered.
Grumbling under his breath, he bent down and started picking up a handful of tools and diagrams and throwing them back up onto the table, swearing under his breath. He glared up at Rommie. Rommie smiled as she watched him.
Once more, her ragtag crew was back to normal.

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