Title: Ball of Twine
Author: BR48
Rating: G
Summary: Three monks walk into a machine shop...
Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda or any part thereof. All rights to these properties are retained by Tribune Entertainment and Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda.
Note: This fic was inspired by a Monty Python sketch, but the dialog is original.
"Harper, what are you doing?" Trance looks down at the engineer.
"Just replacing some AP solenoid valves."
"Where'd you get the new parts?"
"Uhh, from a dealer on Ugroth."
"How much did it cost?"
"Fifty thrones for the shipment. It had some pretty good stuff too."
"Yeah? Like what?"
Harper stood up, "Sheesh, I wasn't expecting an Inquisition."
Thaddeus Blake, Rev Bem, and Rhafe Valentine burst into the room wearing their Wayist robes. Simultaneously, they shout, "No one expects the Wayist Inquisition!"
Trance: Wayists don't have inquisitions.
Rev: Yes they do.
Trance: No they don't.
Blake: Obviously they do, because we're Wayists, and we're having one.
Trance: If you're having an inquisition, you're not Wayists.
Blake: Yes we are.
Trance: No you aren't.
Blake: You can see we're all Wayists, because we're all wearing the red robes.
Harper: But he's wearing a white robe! *Points to Rhafe*
Rhafe: I am not.
Trance: We can all see that it's a white robe.
Rev: It's red.
Harper: No it isn't.
Blake: Even if his robe was white, which it isn't, you could tell that we're all Wayists because of the medallions.
Rev: Umm, about the medallions… I kinda lost mine in the Magog attack.
Blake: What!? How can you be a Wayist without jewlery!
Trance: Ah ha!
Rev: At least I don't dye my robes.
Rhafe: I don't dye my robes. These robes are naturally white.
Harper: I thought you said you were wearing red robes.
Rhafe: I did not.
Harper: You did so.
Rhafe: Did not.
Blake: Stop it! We were talking about Rev.
Rev: No, we were talking about Rhafe's robe. How is it naturally white? Nothing is naturally white.
Rhafe: Clouds are white.
Rev: Clouds are grey.
Rhafe: Did you just say 'clouds are gay'?
Rev: No, grey.
Blake: Not nimbis clouds.
Rhafe: Fine, but if nothing is naturally white, where would I get dye?
Rev: What?
Rhafe: Where would I get the dye?
Rev: Magic.
Rhafe: Magic?
Rev: Magic.
Blake: But Wayists don't use magic.
Rev: Therefore, Rhafe isn't a Wayist. I rest my case.
Blake: But we were trying to prove that we are Wayists.
Rev: Oops.
Trance: So, you aren't Wayists after all.
Blake: That's all part of our plan.
Harper: What plan?
Blake: Why do you think no one expects the Wayist Inquisition?
Trance: Are you just going to answer every question with a question?
Blake: So what if I do?
Harper: Why don't you just give us a straight answer?
Blake: How do you know I won't?
Trance: Will you?
Blake: Do Wayists ever lie?
Harper: But you're not Wayists.
Rhafe: Yes we are.
Harper: No you aren't.
Rev: Are too.
Trance: Proove it. Name all the messangers of the Divine!
Rhafe: But there are so many!
Harper: Better get started.
Blake: There was St. Buddha, St. Jesus, The Annointed…
Rev: St. Hare Krishna, St. John Trevolta…
Rhafe: St. Michael Jordan…
Harper: What about Michael Jackson?
All: No!
Blake: Ooh! What about that guy on New York drift that kept shouting 'The end is near'?
Rhafe: Yeah, and the guy with the Italian restaurant. He could make the most delicious fettucini alfredo I've ever had.
Rev: And Darth Vader too.
Blake: But he was evil!
Rhafe: Who cares! He was so cool. He was all 'Luke, I am your father.' And Luke was like, 'No way!' Then he just chopped off the kid's hand. Dude, he was totally a saint.
Rev: Plus, he becomes a good guy at the end.
Rhafe: Thanks for ruining it for me.
Blake: Fine. St. Darth Vader. Anything else?
Trance: So… are you guys Wayists or not?
Blake: I dunno. I got a little confused on the whole 'Vader' thing.
Rev: Ya lost me at Michael Jordan.
Rhafe: I was just tagging along for the free brunch.
*Rev, Rhafe, and Blake shrug, then walk off.*
Harper: Think we could get some of that Italian food if we followed them?
Trance: Let's go!
*Harper and Trance run after the Wayists.*