Disclaimer: All characters or references to Andromeda belong to Tribune Entertainment, not me.
Author: Raven
Story Rating: PG-13
Summary: Following Beka’s urging, Rommie finally tells Dylan her feelings towards him.
Beka clutched the controls in her hand and guided the Andromeda through the empty, black space following the slipstream jump.
She swerved slightly to the left to avoid a small asteroid.
Briefly, she took her eyes off the screen in front of her and glanced around command. The room was empty, all except for her and Rommie, who stood beside her, gazing off.
Beka sighed. It was just like Dylan to find it funny to give everyone a break just as he assigned her flight duty. After he’d told her, he’d laughed all the way up to his quarters.
She knew. She’d heard him.
She gritted her teeth. Great. Flying through oblivion and having no one around for company. Well, she had Rommie.
She glanced at the android again. She was about to open her mouth to engage in some friendly talk, when she noticed the wistful look on Rommie’s face.
Beka sighed.
That look had been on her face a lot these days. Beka couldn’t see it a lot, for she knew Rommie hid it whenever people looked at her, but when she glanced at her at just the right moment, she could see it.
That depressed, wistful, yet hopeful look.
“Say, Rommie? Where is Dylan taking us anyway?” she asked, trying to snap her one companion out of the daze she was in.
It didn’t work.
Rommie just continued staring in front of her, her eyes clouding over with thoughts which were far away from Beka, the course they were flying, and maybe the Andromeda itself.
Beka sighed and tried again.
“I noticed the new ventilation systems on Deck 15, Rommie. They’re really nice.” There, that should get her talking. Compliments about herself always perked her up.
But not today.
Rommie just continued staring in front of her, oblivious to what Beka was saying.
Beka sighed again and wryly shook her head.
She was going to put an end to this right now. Not only was she sick of talking to herself, but she was sick of having Rommie walking around with that not-a-friend-in-the-world look on her face.
“Andromeda, engage into autopilot mode.” She said.
Immediately, the ship took over control from her, and she dropped the heavy controls. She twisted in the piloting chair and faced Rommie.
She waved a hand in front of her face and started snapping her fingers. “Hello! Rommie! Andromeda! Hello! Wake up in there!” she snapped her fingers. “Beka Valentine calling the Andromeda Ascendant back down from whatever planet she is currently on.”
Rommie blinked and looked at Beka. “Oh, Beka! I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I was drifting off. Is everything alright? I’m not detecting any abnormal activity.”
Beka smiled. “There isn’t anything abnormal happening with your mechanical parts, just your humanoid parts.”
Rommie looked confused. “I don’t understand.”
Beka turned in the chair and hung her legs over the side and stared down at her.
“Come on, Rommie. Spill already.” She demanded.
Rommie looked even more confused. “I’m afraid I don’t know whay you’re implying-”
“Oh, come on. Of course you do. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t try pulling that little act on me.”
When she still got no response, she sighed and scratched her head. “Rommie, I know that you know what I’m talking about. You’ve been walking around here in a daze, staring off into space, not paying attention when people are talking to you. You don’t do it often, only when you think people aren’t watching.” She cocked her head. “You’ve got that weird look in your eyes. A depressed, wistful yet somehow hopeful look in your eyes. I don’t get it. That’s why I want you to spill.”
Rommie slowly lowered her eyes as she realized that playing ignorant wouldn’t work. She was silent for a moment, staring at the ground, standing absolutely still.
It wasn’t in her nature to fidgit. It it were, she would have been fidgeting alright.
She knew that Beka knew. She’d seen her look at her sometimes. Those times when she had been stupid enough to think about-him, when she thought nobody was watching. Stupid her. She needed to keep her sensors more alert.
But yet, she couldn’t help it. Her thoughts always turned to-him. No matter where she was, what time of the day it was, her thoughts always difted back to-him.
“It’s Dylan, isn’t it?” Beka asked softly, interupting her thoughts
Rommie slowly raised her eyes. She might as well admit it. Even if she didn’t say anything, Beka would know. Beka didn’t need her to say anything. But she still said it. She wasn’t sure why. There was no real need to answer. She still did. “Yes.”
Beka bit her lip. Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Beka cleared her throat. “Rommie, do you-do you love him?”
This time she didn’t answer. She couldn’t.
But once again, Beka didn’t need an answer.
The way Rommie lowered her head again, the way her eyes clouded with sadness. Beka knew.
She’d known for a long time already. It hadn’t taken a genius to figure it out. It was obvious.
Beka sighed. “Rommie, whether you believe it or not, I know.” She raised her hands in the air. “I’ve known for a long time, actually. For months.”
Rommie’s head snapped up. “You know?” Fear and worry flooded through her.
“Of course I do. I’m a woman, aren’t I? Same as you. I know what a woman in love looks like.”
Rommie stared at her. “Does anybody else know? Trance? Harper? Dylan?”
Beka shook her head. “I can’t speak for anybody else on the crew, but I know that Dylan doesn’t know. The guy can be pretty dense, if you know what I mean.” She chuckled, but then realized Rommie wasn’t laughing with her.
Rommie frowned. Damn. She hadn’t wanted anybody to find out. Hadn’t wanted anybody knowing.
She looked up at Beka, her eyes pleading.
“Beka, please-please don’t say anything. Okay? Please? Don’t say anything. Not to him, not to Harper, not to anyone else. Please?” She pleaded with her.
Beka stared at the android. It wasn’t like Rommie to be like this. To be so worried, so desperate. Rommie was usually so calm, so under control. Not frantic and worried like now.
And Rommie definitely never pleaded. Never.
Beka frowned. “Rommie, what’s the big deal with it? People can fall in love. It’s a part of human life. Everybody falls in love at one point or another in their lives. It’s no big deal. I know I have. It’s not a big deal-” her voice drifted off when she saw Rommie firmly shaking her head at her.
“No. Beka, you don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand?”
“Just, never mind. You just can’t tell anybody, okay? Please? Just, forget about it. Please?”
“Rommie, why are you so worried about this? I don’t get it. It’s okay to fall in love with somebody. It’s not a crime.”
Rommie looked her straight in the eyes. “It is where I’m concerned.”
Beka’s eyebrows shot up. The avatar sighed.
“Beka, I’m a machine. Harper might have made me to be as human as possible, but fact remains that I am a machine. That first of all signifies that I can never have a relationship with Dylan. Machines and humans can’t have relationships-”
“Of course they can. If the machine is capable of loving, then it is perfectly capable of doing anything else it’s required to do in a rela-”
“But not only that, but I’m a ship.” Rommie continued as if Beka hadn’t spoken.
Beka closed her mouth at that statement.
“And Dylan is my captain. That practically makes him my owner. He could never fall in love with me. In his eyes, I’m only a machine. I always will be a machine.”
Beka leaned forward. “Rommie, you might be a machine, but deep down inside, you’re human.”
“Beka-”
“Hear me out, Rommie. Remember what Rev always says. Anything that is capable of loving has a soul. And machines don’t have souls. Humans, however, do. You might be made out of metal, you might use sensors, instead of your eyes to detect movement around you, but a part of you is still human.” Beka said softly. “You’re capable of crying, of screaming, of being hurt. And capable of falling in love. That makes you human, Rommie. No machine is capable of that. Only humans are. And it’s okay for one human to fall in love with another, even if the other one is a little slow. After a time, that other human can learn to love the other one in the way it deserves to be loved.”
Rommie glanced up at her.
“It’s not just that, Beka.” She sighed. “It’s not just the fact that I’m an android, and humans and androids cannot fall in love, under any circumstances-” when she saw Beka’s raised eyebrows, she quickly restated her last sentence. “Alright, it might be possible for an android to fall in love with a human, but that’s not the only problem.”
“What is the other problem?”
Rommie’s gaze flickered down to the ground again. “Protocol.” She whispered, so softly that Beka hardly heard her.
When Beka finally understood her last word, she burst out laughing.
“Protocol, Rommie? Protocol?” she laughed. “What protocol?”
She got not answer from the avatar. Beka laughed again and leaned back against the chair.
“Oh, Rommie. Protocol, schmotocol. The Commonwealth is gone. There isn’t any protocol anywhere. Whatever rules there might have been 300 years ago, they’re gone now.”
Rommie shook her head. “No. They’ll always be here. Always.”
Beka smiled. “Rommie. There are millions of androids living all over the universe. Most of them stay up here and work on ships, but some go down and live on planets like ordinary people. They talk, laugh and work with ordinary people. They act so much like them that sometimes, you’d be talking to someone and not even know that they’re an android. And yes, those androids do have relationships with people. Sometimes with many people. And yes, they do fall in love, and the people with whom they fall in love, return the favor.”
Rommie bit her lip and stared out into space.
“Whatever rules there were about androids and their captains 300 years ago, they’re gone now. Even if Dylan insists that they still exist, they don’t now.”
“You really, truly believe that?”
“Of course I do. Rommie, the time that you and Dylan left doesn’t exist anymore. There aren’t any rules. There aren’t any protocols to follow. There are only hearts, and the people to whom they belong.”
They were both silent for a moment. Beka traced a few scratches on the controls with her finger tips.
Rommie tossed her head slightly and cleared her throat.
“So, you think I should tell him?”
Beka’s eyes glanced up at her, and then looked back down at the scratches.
“Of course I do. It’s the only way your relationship can turn into something more. Besides, it’s not like Dylan’s ever gonna get the hint. He’s really dense about these kinds of things.” She looked up and stared Andromeda into the eyes.
“You have to tell him. Tell him how you feel. And then you can see how he’ll respond.”
Rommie bit her lip. “Are you sure? What if he gets angry, or shuns me? Or even orders me to re-align my personality core?”
Beka laughed. “Rommie, you aren’t going to tell the man that you want to marry him, just that you love him. Trust me, you’ll be fine.” She smiled down at her.
Rommie stood there, indecision written across her face. “Are you sure?”
“Positive. Now, go.” Beka reached over and gave her a gentle shove towards the door.
Rommie gave her one last worried glance. Beka smiled at her encouragingly.
“Good luck. And remember, anything that is capable of loving has a soul. And two souls are always meant for each other. And most importantly, there is no more protocol.” She called after her.
Rommie turned and started walking towards the door, her head held high, her face blank, hiding the fear and worry she had within her.
Hearing Beka’s words in her mind, she walked up the ramp and through the door.
With determination, she walked down the corridor.
She realized her palms were clammy and that she was having problems swallowing.
“You’re an android, but androids and humans are perfectly capable of loving each other.” She muttered to herself, trying to make herself braver with each step.
She turned around a corner, knowing that in exactly 9 seconds, she’d run into Dylan.
She took a deep breath.
“Be strong. Be strong. Keep your chin up.” She mumbled. “And remember, there is no more protocol.” She muttered under her breath, straightening her shirt and taking another deep breath.
Here it went. She remembered Beka’s words. “Good luck.”
She briefly closed her eyes. Boy, she’d need it.
She stood in front of her captain, twisting her hands nervously behind her back, trying to gather up enough courage to say it.
Dylan stood in front of her, eyebrow raised, faint smile on his lips, waiting to hear what she had to say.
She glanced up into his crystal clear blue eyes. God, how she loved those eyes. She bit her lip and looked down.
She took a deep breath. Here it went.
“Dylan, I-” her words caught in her throat.
“Yes?” he smiled, looking slightly confused. What on earth was the matter with her? Usually she was always so calm and collected. Not this nervous and fidgety. He hardly recognized her.
She twisted her hands behind her back, biting her lip. Just say it. Whatever happens, will happen. Just say it.
“Dylan, I-” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Dylan, I love you.” She finally blurted out.
She didn’t open her eyes. Oh, God. She had said it. God, she had really said it. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting to hear the angry retort, the enraged comment.
But there wasn’t one.
Only silence.
Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up, meeting Dylan’s eyes.
He was staring at her, shock and confusion in his eyes. But underneath it, was a little understanding.
He opened his mouth, but seemed to have lost his ability to speak, so he closed it again.
She glanced at the ground. Oh, God, what had she done?
Finally, she heard him clear his throat. “Uhm, Rommie, that was really unexpected.” He laughed, trying to make the best out of the awkward situation.
Rommie didn’t reply, hearing the hollowness of the laugh. The awkwardness underneath it. The confusion. The utter lack of knowing what to do next.
What the hell had she done?
“I’m sorry, Dylan. I shouldn’t have said that. I apologize.” She looked up. “I’m very sorry. Just-just keep on walking, pretend you didn’t hear me. Pretend we never started this conversation.” She stammered out, looking anywhere but his face.
She heard the hollow, forced laugh again. “Well, Rommie, as much as both of us would like to just let this awkward situation sit here, we can’t do that. We can’t just leave this here.”
He paused and stared down at her, confusion in his eyes.
“Rommie-how long?” he asked, his voice quiet.
Rommie didn’t answer. He thought she wouldn’t say anything at all, until he finally heard her respond, her voice so quiet that he could hardly hear her.
“Since I was made.”
He glanced down at her and then stared down at the floor like her.
He coughed. “Well, Rommie, I’m truly sorry.” He said.
She looked up, confusion in her eyes. “Why are you sorry?”
He stared at her and then looked away, realizing she hadn’t understood.
“I’m sorry because-” he paused, but knew it had to be said, so he went ahead and said it. “because I can never return those feelings to you.” He finished quietly. “I can never love you, Rommie. At least not the same way that you love me.”
She stared at him, hurt and confusion in her eyes.
“Why, Dylan?” she asked, her voice filled with pain.
Dylan looked away, not wanting to answer, not wanting to hurt her even more. Damn, damn, damn. Why did she have to bring this up? Why?
He looked down at her, still not able to respond.
“Is it Sarah?”
He shook his head.
“Is it the Commonwealth? Because Dylan, lots of androids and humans fall in love now. They didn’t use to, but now they do.”
He shook his head again. “No, Rommie. It’s not Sarah, and it’s not the Commonwealth.” He looked at her, her eyes filled with confusion and pain.
“Then, it’s not because I’m just a-a machine, and you’re a human.”
Dylan frowned. “No! Of course not. Rommie, you’re almost as human as I am, and I mean that. No, it’s not that.”
“Then what?” she cried out, searching through her mind for anything else which could possibly stand between them. “Is it-is it the-protocol?”
Dylan stared at her, not answering.
Rommie stared back at him, shock in her eyes. “The protocol?” she nearly spat out.
He flinched at her tone but mutely nodded.
“Dylan, the protocol has been gone for 300 years. It doesn’t exist anymore.” She said, tears starting to brim her eyelids.
Dylan continued staring at her. “Rommie, High Guard ships don’t exist anymore either.” He said softly.
Slowly, understanding filtered into her eyes.
“You’re afraid that somebody might find out?” she asked, disbelief in her eyes. “Dylan, nobody would find out, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. I told you, the Commonwealth doesn’t exist anymore. Whoever wants to love somebody, is free to do so. There aren’t any rules, any regulations, any-any protocols standing in the way anymore-”
“Rommie, it’s not my part of the protocol I’m worried about. It’s not the fact that captains are not allowed to have an intimate relationship with their androids. It’s not that. I wouldn’t care about that.” He looked down at her. “It’s because of your part of the protocol.”
“My part?” she asked, not understanding.
Dylan nodded. “Yes.”
Neither of them said anything for a moment.
“Rommie, we both know that you were built knowing that you might have to sacrifice yourself for the Commonwealth one day-”
“I know that Dylan, I’ve known that from the day I first flew out of that docking station where they built me. I don’t care about that. As long as we’re together, I wouldn’t care about sacrificing myself for anything.-”
“Let me finish, Rommie. If that day might ever happen, it’ll be painful enough for you, without me having to break your heart on top of it.”
“But, Dylan-”
“Remember your sister, Rommie. Maggie fell in love with her captain too. And not only did he love her back, but he had an intimate relationship with her. Then, when the day came, he ordered her to self destruct. He ordered the woman who loved him to kill herself for him, for the Commonwealth. Not only was he breaking her apart, he was breaking her heart apart too. And I just couldn’t do that, Rommie. I couldn’t do it. I can’t, and won’t let myself betray you and hurt you like that. You don’t deserve it.”
Rommie was silent, tears slowly flowing down her face. It was true what he had said.
She looked up at him. God, how she loved him.
The pain that had welled up inside of her was threatening to suffocate her. God, how it hurt.
She looked into his eyes, wanting to plead, scream, beg, do anything to make him love her. But she knew that it wouldn’t work.
Deep down, she realized that he loved her enough not to want to hurt her, but a part of her was still in disbelief.
That part of her was her heart. She could feel it breaking as she stared into his eyes, the pain flowing out of her through her tears.
She could never have him. Not the same way Sarah had. No. She could never have him. No matter how much he cared for her, he would never love her.
She looked at him, her eyes still silently pleading.
Dylan looked down at her and softly wiped her tears off her face with his fingers.
“I’m sorry, Rommie.” He whispered, hardly enduring the pain which he could see in her eyes. He knew she was suffering, but he also knew that this was for the best.
He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered again before turning and walking down the corridor.
Rommie stood here, tears flowing down her face, the pain nearly crushing her. She could hardly breathe. She could feel his kiss, burning into her skin, feel the places on her face which his fingers had touched. She started sobbing, not caring who heard her.
All she was conscious of was the pain, throbbing within her, threatening to engulf her.
“Oh, God.” She whispered, her voice shaking with tears. She squeezed her eyes shut.
She couldn’t stand this pain anymore.
She wouldn’t stand it anymore.
Suddenly, a new determination filled her. If the man she loved wouldn’t be with her, then she didn’t want to be here anymore.
Purpose filling her now, she swallowed her tears and marched off to engineering.
Harper looked up as he saw Rommie walking down the ramp towards him.
As soon as he saw her tear streaked face and her painfilled eyes, he knew something was wrong. He dropped the screwdriver he was holding and ran over to her.
“Rommie, what in the world happened?” he asked, worry flooding his eyes.
Rommie looked up at him. “Harper, I hereby demand a full personality re-alignment.” She said, choking out the words through her tears.
Harper raised an eyebrow. “You want your personality erased?”
She nodded, trying to keep her tears at bay, but failing.
“Hey, hey, hey. Romdoll, what happened?” Harper asked softly, coming closer.
She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I just want-I just want-”
Harper stared at her, worry still filling his eyes.
He didn’t understand until she heard her whisper one word. One silent word.
“Dylan.”
It was more of a prayer than an actual word.
Suddenly, Harper understood.
“Oh, baby.” He sighed.
She continued sobbing.
“What happened with Dylan, Rom?”
She stared at him. She could see from his eyes that he already knew. Had probably known for a long time. She wasn’t surprised.
She started sobbing again, the pain nearly making her suffocate.
“He doesn’t-he doesn’t.” she choked out.
Harper nodded, understanding.
She didn’t need to say anything else. Harper already knew.
“Well, Rom, I can’t give you a full personality re-alignment, but I can give you something else.” He said.
She looked up at him, curiousity in her pain filled eyes.
Slowly, Harper opened his arms and drew her in. She fell into his embrace, clutching at him as if she were afraid she’d drown if she didn’t hold onto him.
Harper silently stood here, holding her in his arms and stroking her hair, murmuring small things to her that she didn’t hear, didn’t understand.
She just stood here, sobbing out her anger, her disappointment, her pain into his shirt.
Dylan sat in his quarters, staring at a little pin which lay on his desk.
It was the little pin which Admiral Stark had given him the day he had been given command of the Andromeda.
He picked it up in his hands and stared at it.
It was such a tiny little pin. Yet it was capable of so much pain.
Without a thought, he took it and hurled it across the room.
It hit into the wall and fell onto the ground with a clatter.
Dylan didn’t rise to pick it up.
He just sat there, staring at his now empty desk.
Such a little pin.
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