Title: A Lovely Maiden with Azure Hair
Author: McJude
Rating: R
Summary: An Andromeda parody of Pinocchio.
Author's Note: OK folks, I have been sitting around this week not coming up with anything original, and Mandy hit me at a time when I was vulnerable. I can't believe I found this eminently DROMifiable story -- and I get lots of extra credit. I have long wanted to do a Pinocchio story involving Ryan -- he just seemed too perfect somewhere between man and machine, real or unreal, and with a part of his anatomy that we'd all love to see grow longer every time he tells a lie. Problem is that I really didn't remember the story, and after I to thinking really didn't want to use the Disney plot. Disney is the worst in the world regarding copyright infringement -- I sure don't want them coming after me. So I am using -- rather liberally I may add -- a copy of a translation The Adventures of Pinocchio of that I found on the internet -- Chapter 16 was just too intriguing -- even down to the Azure hair.
If the poor Avatar had dangled there much longer, all hope would have been lost. Luckily for him, the Lovely Maiden with Azure Hair once again looked across her sensing matrix. Filled with pity at the sight of the poor little fellow drifting suitless in the vastness of space, she signaled a droid to begin the rescue.
At her signal, a loud whir was heard and a rescue pod came and settled itself on the third launch level.
"What do you command, Andromeda?" asked the droid, bowing in deep reverence. (For it must be known that, after all, the Lovely Maiden with Azure Hair was none other than a the avatar of the Andromeda Ascendant who had lived for more than three hundred years in the vicinity of a blackhole).
"Do you see that man -- that thing -- drifting in space?"
"I see him."
"Very well. Fly immediately to him. Take him inside the rescue pod and return him to this ship."
The droid flew away and after two minutes returned, saying, "I have done what you have commanded."
"How did you find him? Alive or dead?"
"At first glance, I thought he was dead. But I found I was wrong, for as soon as I got him in the confines of the ship, he gave a long sigh and mumbled with a faint voice, `Now I feel better!'"
Andromeda signaled again and Tyr Anasazi appeared, leaning against the pod where the rescued Avatar lay. He was dressed in his full Andromeda livery. His long black hair was braided into dreadlocks that dropped down to his waist. He wore a jaunty coat of chocolate-colored leather, with diamond buttons, and with two large slits to expose the bone which grew out of his forearms. Breeches of black leather, chain-mail shirt, and heavy boots completed his costume. {In the original story this was a poodle -- somehow the idea of Tyr as a dog!!!}
"Come, Tyr." said Andromeda to him. "The droid has gone for me out into space. He has placed this poor, half-dead Avatar stretched in the rescue pod. Lift him up tenderly, place him on the medical examination room on Deck Five and I will be with you shortly."
The Tyr, to show that he understood, nodded his head two or three times and set off at a quick pace.
In a few minutes, a lovely little autoclave, made of glass, with lining as soft as whipped cream and chocolate pudding, and stuffed with canary feathers, pulled was ready on Deck Five. Tyr hustled the body of the Avatar down to the deck, and the Andromeda sat on an observation seat and snapped her whip gaily in the air, as if she were a real dominatrix in a hurry to get on with the project.
In a few minutes Tyr was back. Andromeda, who was waiting at the door of the room, lifted the poor little Avatar in her arms, took him to a dainty room with mother-of-pearl walls, put him in the autoclave, and sent immediately for the most famous doctors of the universe to come to her.
One after another the doctors came, a Perseid, a Than, and Trance Gemini.
"I should like to know, " said Andromeda, turning to the three doctors gathered about the Avatar's bed, "I should like to know if this poor person is dead or alive."
At this invitation, the Perseid stepped out and felt the Avatar's pulse, his nose, his little toe. Then he solemnly pronounced the following words:
"To my mind this person is dead and gone; but if, by any evil chance, he were not, then that would be a sure sign that he is still alive!" He pointed to a rise in the sheet covering the body. {No clue in the original story what they were pointing to, but we know.}
"I am sorry," said the Than, "to have to contradict the Perseid, my famous friend and colleague. To my mind this person is alive; but if, by any evil chance, he were not, then that would be a sure sign that he is wholly dead!" He pointed to the same rise.
"And do you hold any opinion?" the Fairy asked the Trance Gemini.
"I say that a wise doctor, when he does not know what he is talking about, should know enough to keep his mouth shut. However, that Avatar is not a stranger to me. I have known him a long time!"
Ryan, who until then had been very quiet, shuddered so hard that the bed shook.
"That Avatar," continued the Trance Gemini, "is a rascal of the worst kind."
Ryan opened his eyes and closed them again.
"He is rude, lazy, a runaway."
Ryan hid his face under the sheets, and beheld what was happening to his body.
"That Avatar is a disobedient one who is breaking his ship's heart!"
Long shuddering sobs were heard, cries, and deep sighs. Think how surprised everyone was when, on raising the sheets, they discovered Ryan grabbing his half-melted dick!
"When the dead cum, they are beginning to recover," said the Perseid solemnly.
"I am sorry to contradict my famous friend and colleague," said the Than "but as far as I'm concerned, I think that when the dead cum, it means they do not want to die." {Original story ended here. Seemed as if it were missing something so I added the last two paragraphs/}
"I think," said Trance Gemini, "That when the dead cum, it means they were never dead in the first place, what do you think Andromeda?"
Andromeda cracked her whip again and let out with a loud "hot damn."