Title: Adventures of the Little Green Man
Author: TrinityTheSheDevil
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Harper has a very colorful problem, and that's only the beginning of his troubles.
Disclaimer: Andromeda is property of Tribune.
It had been a hard day for one Seamus Harper. He spent all day fixing every little thing that seemed to go wrong. Stepping into the bathroom, he stripped out of his shirt, noting the grease marks across his chest.
'How did I get grease UNDER my shirt?!' Harper shook his head. He reached down and pulled off his boots and socks. He was absolutely exhausted, and looking foward to his shower.
He tugged off his pants and threw them towards a bucket for dirty clothes, they missed and fell on the floor. 'Ah forget it. To tired anyway.'
He finally stripped out of his boxers and climbed under the spray of the shower. Closing his eyes, he held his head back and let the water cascade over him.
He finally tugged his eyes open and looked down at himself. He was.....GREEN?!
"AAHHH!!" Harper jumped out of the shower, and frantically rubbed at the green water. It wasn't coming out.
"Andromeda, what's wrong with the water?!" Harper yelped.
"I told you I was cleaning the water tanks today Harper. And that you SHOULDN'T take a shower or you'll get the cleaning solution all over you." The holo Andromeda rolled her eyes.
"Great. How do I get it off?" He looked into the mirror at his green self. Then down. At his...COMPLETELY GREEN SELF!
"You can't. It has to wear off Harper." Andromeda snickered ever so slightly.
Harper glared. This was perfect. Absolutely perfect!
Walking back into his bedroom, nude, Harper reached his closet and dresser and started pulling out clothes.
"New fashion statement?"
Harper jumped and sqeaked, then grabbed his shirt to cover himself.
"BEKA! What are you doing here?!" Harper said...turning red.
"Looking for you. Umm....you're green." Beka stiffled a laugh.
"No shit, Sherlock. Figure that out by yourself?" Harper edged his way to the bathroom again.
"No need to be rude Harper." Beka pouted, putting her hands on her hips.
"Sorry. I just had a bad day, ok? Now, will you please leave so I can get dressed?" Harper pointed to the door.
"Oh, yeah, sorry!" Beka averted her eyes and made a quick escape.
Harper turned back and looked in the mirror.
"I'm green. A little green martian." He looked down again.
"Why does that have to be green?!?!?!" He whined, and wacked his head on the wall.
"HARPER! Get to Command! We're being fired on!" Came Dylan's voice from the intercomm.
"What? You gotta be kidding me!" Harper hurriedly pulled on a pair of pants and a shirt. He ran to Command barefoot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The crew of Andromeda watched as Harper slid in Command in nothing but a pair of pants and shirt. And he was completely green.
Everyone snickered as Harper took up his spot behind the console.
"Yeah, har dee har har. Everyone laugh at poor green Harper."
"So.......is EVERYTHING green?" Tyr covered his mouth with his hand, hiding his laughter. It didn't work completely, you could see his shoulders shaking with barely contained giggles.
Harper just glared at the resident Neitzschean.
The ship rocked with the missile barrage being thrown at it.
"Andromeda, try to hail them." Dylan held on, trying not to fall on his ass.
"They're not accepting hails."
The power suddenly went completely out. All the console lights fizzed out of exsitence.
"Andromeda! What happened?!"
They've hit us with some crippler. All power has been cut, engines no longer function. Scanning for enemy ships manually........they're boarding us!"
"Tyr, Harper, Beka grab some force lances. We're gonna have to do this the hard way."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Having been split up, Tyr and Harper stalked quietly down one of the halls on Andromeda. Both having great night vision, they had no problem navigating.
*stomp stomp*
"Tyr, did you hear that?" Harper whispered.
"Yes."
*stomp stomp*
"Sounds like someone coming this way." 'Something BIG.' Harper thought. He just hoped it wasn't any bigger than Tyr. 'Could it GET any bigger than Tyr?!'
They both hid in one of the empty rooms, waiting for the creature to walk past.
When it finally came into view, they held their breaths. The creature was ENORMOUS with jet black fur. What caught their eyes was the razor sharp claws connected to four massive paws.
"Kill it?" Harper squeaked.
Hearing the squeak, the creature turned and spotted Tyr and Harper.
"APPARENTLY!" Tyr started firing on the creature. If not so deadly, it'd be beautiful.
The creature swiped Tyr into a wall with the wave of an arm. Tyr slumped over, unconscious.
"TYR!" Harper ran towards Tyr to help but was knocked out from behind.
The creature picked Harper up in it's jaws, and carried him to the enemy ship.
Having gotten what they wanted, the bad guys left, Harper in stow.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"TYR!" Beka ran over and checked Tyr's pulse. It was going strong, but he was completely knocked out.
"Is he okay?" Dylan asked, looking around for Harper.
Harper woke up with a killer headache. Looking around, he realized he was chained to a bed, eagle spread, by leather handcuffs.
He was also naked.
And still completely green.
He vaguely wondered if one could die from embarresment.
"Ah, you're finally awake!" Came a eery voice from the other side of the room.
Harper squinted trying to make out the face in the dark corner. Looking over to the other side of the bed, he saw the massive dog creature which knocked Tyr out. The dog was chewing on a milk bone, and drooling all over Harper's leg.
"Impressive isn't he? I created him. All it took was a few alternated DNA strands." The person, a woman, chuckled.
The dog leaned over and licked Harper from his toes to his forehead, covering him in slobber.
"Oh yuck!" Harper grimaced. Not only was he green, naked, and tied to a bed, he was now covered in dog drool.
He heard the woman stand up and walk towards the bed.
"Now, I have bought you from your Neitzschean master. You will be my slave. But I have one question."
The woman paused.
"Well?" Harper asked, getting annoyed. He wondered how she bought him when he DIDN'T have a master!
"Why are you green?"
"Because.............I have a killer virus and it turns my skin green. I'll be dead in a few days." Harper grinned smugly. Let her think he was dying. She'd send him back to the Andromeda faster than you could say Sparky Cola.
"Nonsense. I had you scanned for illness before I tied you up. Now, the truth!" Harper gulped. He wondered how he was getting outta this one.
"I uhh....got sprayed with water cleaner." He mumbled.
"Oh. Well, it will wear off in a few days." She walked over to the table, and picked up something.
"So, as my slave, you do exactly what I tell you. Or else." She showed Harper the bottle she had picked up. It said "Hershey's Chocolate"
"Soooo what are you going to do with that?" His eyes got enormous. He hoped she wasn't thinking anything kinky.
"I'm going to show you what happens the first time you disobey me." She opened the cap, and sprayed chocolate all over Harper.
After he was thoroughly sprayed, and had gloop and glop in places it shouldn't be, she took out a whistle. Smiling slightly, she blowed it.
The giant dog jumped to attention, smelled the chocolate, and pounced on poor defenseless Harper.