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The Unofficial Domestic Violence Pages

This section will provide a few guidelines on how to deal with this injustice.

A common phenomenon among vindictive partners is to use the long arm of the law to fabricate false allegations of domestic violence, which often leads to arrest and detention.
 
Most individuals do not realize the severe consequences this deed has on the partner they so willingly fell in love with. If there are children involved there is no rational standard that can measure the pain, suffering and anguish that is produced on the entire family. Access to children is often denied. Parental alienation leads to further complications. Jobs are lost and high litigation costs eventually lead to poverty, stress, depression, alcohol or drug abuse, and other addictions. The justice system will not easily allow a partner to withdraw a charge, especially if the initial complaint was declared under oath, the argument being that the offender may have pressurized the applicant to withdraw the case.

If you are the respondent in a Domestic Violence Protection Order, and whether you are guilty or not, and the applicant has managed to obtain a warrant for your arrest, the police will show no mercy on you if you contravene the protection order. The police have no option, but to react with extreme authority.

Whether you are guilty or not, the police cannot take any risks. Your guilt and your destiny will be decided by a court of law ….. and in this country it is a long, tedious and frustrating procedure.

When you are confronted with a domestic violence protection order and the allegations are false, distorted or over exaggerated, it is imperative that you immediately apply for the variation or setting aside of the order. If you are a male living in South Africa, be prepared for many obstacles in your way. If you honestly never committed an act of domestic violence in the lifetime you have been acquainted with the applicant, your initial reaction will be one of shock, dismay, and perhaps anger. Whatever you do, never let your emotions take control.
DO NOT make contact with the applicant. Stay calm, sit down and write a detailed report answering each and every allegation made by the applicant.

The courts usually allow you at least 2 months two react on the allegations and to give reasons why the protection order should not be confirmed or made final.

IT IS ADVISABLE THAT YOU OBTAIN THE SERVICES OF A REPUTABLE LAWYER, PREFERABLY SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCE WITH MATTERS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

If you cannot afford legal assistance, the court will provide you with a legal aid lawyer, but this avenue is time consuming, frustrating and at times risky. Rather find the money to pay someone in private practice, i.e. someone who has the knowledge and expertise to resolve the issues promptly. Do this for your own mental wellbeing!

Keep a record of all documentation. Make copies and keep them in a safe place. Do not sign anything you do not fully understand. Always consult with your lawyer. Be truthful with your lawyer. He/she wouldn’t want unforeseen surprises popping up in court.

Keep a daily diary of everything happening in your life. Document the exact time and date of every move you make and every occurrence, even it seems unimportant to you at that stage.

Keep all keys to your home, vehicle, safe and postbox in a safe place.

An applicant with malicious intentions will go to any lengths to provoke you and to force you to contravene the protection order, and even more so if the initial claims were false.

It's hard to believe that someone you've loved and whom you may still have strong feelings for can be so vindictive. Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Get on with your life and seek support from close friends and family whom you can trust.

Stay alert, focused and calm at all times. Be prepared for any of the following eventualities:

A vindictive or malicious applicant may:

• Invite you over to an address that you are prohibited from visiting. (When you get there the police will be waiting for you).
• Harass you with phone calls or get someone else (e.g. a new lover) to harass, intimidate and provoke you.
• Place a listening device on your telephone.
• Tape your phone conversations.
• Remove postal articles from you postbox.
• Damage or vandalize your property when you are not at home.
• Damage or vandalize their own property and make a false declaration to the police stating that you were responsible.
• Deliberately defame your name and your reputation in the area where you live.
• Seek sympathy from others with the hope of generating witnesses who will provide favourable testimony.
• Deny access to your children. This is a common occurrence, and is officially known as Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS for short. Click here if your spouse is denying you access.
   

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Copyright © 2004 Glenn W Elsden - All Rights Reserved
Updated: 15 June 2004
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