The ambivalent gift
Late 1st season
Lucas / Ben
Rated NC-17


For Teresa's 21st Birthday

~ * ~
Lucas flopped down onto his chair and span around and around, ignoring the clutter around him. He bit his lip and felt increasingly embarrassed as the heat of the exchange dissipated. Lucas cringed. He knew he shouldn't have responded like that, and the ease at which he came out with sixteen-year-old-boy's crap made him scowl. He'd have to apologise later, but for now he was too ashamed to speak to Ben and so Lucas powered up his computer and shut himself away in his quarters, trying not to contemplate why he had said those stupid things to his friend.

Later, half-asleep under the sheets, he pondered again his on-going state of sexual frustration that was - without doubt - interfering with his already shaky inter-personal skills.
His hormones raged and he found it increasingly annoying that whereas in his earlier teenage years he could sit and code for hours, his mind tightly focused, it was almost impossible now. He was perpetually horny; fantasies of naked flesh constantly intruding at the most inopportune points. It was difficult enough being sixteen and trying to fit into a world of navy men, but he didn't even have the chance to go through the those painfully awkward eras that punctuate a typical adolescent's life; groping and fondling other equally young, nubile but curious bodies.
Well, male bodies, Lucas corrected himself. Julianna had offered it to him on a plate, but by then he was pretty certain he wasn't into girls and was relieved that she hadn't minded that he didn't go through with it.

But Ben. Ben. He was certain Ben watched him with more than just friendly interest. Didn't he?

Warm and sleepy in his bunk, Lucas closed his eyes, slid a hand down the front of his shorts and fondled his semi-erect penis.

He thought of Ben smiling and sitting closer than he need be at the canteen table, Ben placing a hand on his back as Lucas climbed out of the moonpool, Ben watching Lucas undress at the showers, his eyes sauntering casually from Lucas's face to his chest and back.

Lucas's penis became harder and after a moment's reflection, Lucas pulled off his shorts, and indulged in his favourite fantasy...

"Is there anything else you wanna borrow?" Ben asks him, before his first 'date' with Julianna.
"Oh, uh, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you got any, sure. I'd appreciate it." he replies, slightly embarrassed but pleased that he doesn't have to ask.
Ben goes to the corner of the room and returns with a rubber. "Know how to use one of these?" Ben asks, eyebrow raised.
"I think I'll be OK" - a little uncertainty colours Lucas's voice.
Ben studies his face for a moment.
"Maybe I should show you. After all you don't want to put a bun in the little lady's oven" Ben remarks, opening the packet and pulling out the condom, and guides Lucas to his bunk.
"You'll need to take off your jeans and underwear for this" he adds as Lucas sits on his bunk, looking up at him.
Lucas hesitates a moment before shyly removing his pants and t-shirt, before pulling his boxers off as Ben watches. He lies back on the bunk before Ben...

Lucas arched his back and cried out as he came into his bunched shorts, his orgasm exploding before he'd even got to his favourite part.

Boiling hot, Lucas kicked the sheets away and pulled off his damp t-shirt, lying naked with the aquatube light reflecting on his sweat-covered skin. He drifted off to sleep, with one hand cupped gently around his genitals, going over the bit of the fantasy where Ben rolls the rubber over his erection...

~ * ~
Some weeks later Lucas sat at his desk, not watching his monitor but contemplating what he could give Ben for his birthday. An idea had started to form a few days earlier, when Ben had been showing him some exercises to de-stress, following the fraught disappearance of the Stinger.
Lucas had come into the Officers' Lounge, sat down, stood up, paced about muttering under his breath, sworn quite loudly and again sat down in a state of agitation.
"Something a matter?" said Ben.
"No" Lucas replied dryly. "Why do you ask?"
Ben came over and sat besides the stressed boy and had tried to discuss the possible outcomes of various scenarios of the sub's loss, but Lucas could not be consoled. Ben seemed concerned that Lucas was working himself into such a state of frustration that he wouldn't be capable to deciding anything rational, and so had offered to show the boy how to relax. He had stood close to Lucas, one hand flat upon his chest and the other around the back of his neck, encouraging Lucas to flex his shoulders in a particular fashion.
The proximity of Ben's body, and the warmth and pressure of his hands on his body fired the constant painful desire Lucas felt, and to his horror, he became furiously aroused.
Had his face not flamed red, Ben would most likely not have noticed. But as Lucas moved his hand to try to cover his erection, Ben looked down and saw the indiscreet protrusion in the boy's pants. He smiled without thinking, but seeing Lucas' mortified expression, he switched to empathy and tried to make a joke.
"Well there's a sign of appreciation I don't often get, at least not from Katie".
"I...oh God, uh...I'm sorry..." Lucas started, silently cursing the reaction of his over-excitable and inexperienced adolescent body.
"Don't worry about it pal, little fella probably just feels left out".
Lucas looked at Ben, the sub-text of that statement making his cock harden further and Ben returned his gaze, Lucas hoped, with an unspoken invitation. Ben moved slightly closer as he put his arm around Lucas' shoulder, as if to reassure him, and in doing so, Ben's hip touched his erection for a moment.

Lucas spent the remainder of the day with a slightly glazed expression, which the crew ascribed to the loss of his precious sub.
Once in his bunk though, Lucas replayed every movement, every touch and each word, and felt a surge of excitement ripple through his body; Ben had, albeit under some clothes, seen and touched his erection!
Lucas's body became hot and horny as he imagined what it would be like if Ben saw and touched his erection when he had no clothes on, and he began to masturbate, lost once more in a swirling dream of fantasy sex.

~ * ~
The crew were discussing where upworld Ben was going to have his birthday lunch, seeing as a supply run was needed and any excuse to jump ship for a few hours was snatched.
"Didn't you disgrace yourself in Wu Chung's last time?" Tim asked Ben.
"As a matter of fact, it was Wong Chu's and reliable sources inform me that subsequent to that unfortunate incident, that those tables have been moved and the waitresses are encouraged to wear flatter shoes" Ben replied making Katie tut and Miguel snigger.
"OK, why not the Mai Thai? I'd love a green curry," Kristen suggested looking over the restaurant list for the harbour town. After some deliberation Mai Thai's was chosen and as people got up to go back to their stations, Lucas had approached Ben.
"Hey" Lucas said, "mind if I ask you something?"
"Don't tell me you need a mano-a-mano talk about Julianna" Ben grinned.
Is he jealous? Lucas wondered.
"Oh, er - no. It's a little more pedestrian than that. After your birthday lunch I wanted to go and get some computer stuff but it's downtown and Bridger thinks I'm like still ten and so would it be OK if you came with me?" Lucas spoke quickly as if Ben wouldn't have time to spot the lie.
He didn't look pleased exactly, but Ben nevertheless agreed. "I can't let the sub's geek go into software withdrawal. Or is it hard. Hardware I mean" and Ben looked Lucas in the eye.
Lucas blinked "yeah, it's hard...ware."
Am I flirting? Lucas hoped like hell he was.

~ * ~
He spent the next couple of days watching Ben closely, trying to decipher his body language, a skill that Lucas, with his astonishingly logical and scientific mind, was distinctly lacking. He couldn't work out whether Ben was in fact being increasingly gregarious and tactile, or if he appeared to be so since Lucas so desperately wanted it to be true.
As the rest of the week wore on, despite the ostensibly ambiguous signals he got in his interactions with Ben, Lucas decided that he was prepared to make a gamble and could only hope like hell that it would pay off.

~ * ~

Ben's Birthday.
Miguel tried somewhat unsuccessfully to stifle a loud burp after the large birthday lunch. "Pardon me for being so rude" Miguel said, "It wasn't me, it was my food".
"You know that's disgusting don't you" Katie said conversationally, obviously having heard it once or twice before. "Those of us who had the wine will pay 4 credits extra each - is that alright?" she asked running her finger along the bill.
Everyone nodded and following the general disarray that occurs when nine people try to pay for a meal, they left the restaurant.

Lucas felt moderately guilty as he walked alongside Ben, as his friend had had to apologise to the rest of the group for not going with them to the harbour bar for a 'few more' before going back. Lucas had lied saying that Bridger, who had stayed aboard seaQuest, wouldn't let him go to the stores alone and besides he was too young to get into the bar. For a frightening moment, Ford had almost given him permission to go on his own, or if Lucas didn't feel safe, he would go with him instead of Ben. To his relief, Ben had said that he'd already agreed and they wouldn't be long. It reassured Lucas that Ben enjoyed his company and, Lucas hoped, he actually preferred to be with him.
They left the harbour and walked down a tree-lined boulevard into the town's centre. Shortly, Lucas slowed as they approached a hotel. He looked at Ben who had also stopped and had turned to him, puzzled.
"You do know where this store is don't you?" Ben asked.
"Yeah..."
He wants me he wants me not he wants me he wants me not.
Lucas took a few more steps and tried to look Ben in the eye. "I'm going to come clean Ben" Lucas took a deep breath "I'm not going to the store for computer stuff; I'm, um, not going to the store at all" Ben raised an eyebrow and Lucas continued by mumbling "we're going here" and he pointed to the small hotel.
After a moment, a conspiratorial smirk spread across Ben's face and he nodded. "Good. The mind boggles, but good".
Lucas felt somewhat encouraged as he stepped into the dark lobby and approached the desk, leaving Ben by the couches.
"Hi, I have a room reserved for Davis" Lucas said quietly to the desk clerk.
The clerk looked up "I have it down as a double room sir".
"Yes, that's fine" Lucas nodded getting out his money, trying to quell he blush he could feel blooming.
"Oh...?' the clerk said, looking pointedly at Ben.
"Er, my brother and I have a connecting flight in three hours and we just wanted to rest and wash."
Lucas was certain that his face looked hot enough to melt, but the clerk merely raised an eyebrow and said nothing as he took the money and gave Lucas the key.
Lucas took a deep breath, muttered his thanks, and closed his eyes for a second before nodding to Ben to follow.
As they walked up the two flights of stairs, Lucas heard Ben chuckling to himself. "This is a pretty fucking hot present Lucas. I'm impressed by the level of deceit - I think you could be a serious grafter in the making."
Lucas turned and grinned back over his shoulder, his hands shaking.

Lucas unlocked the door and they both walked into the small, bright room.
"Nice" Ben nodded, looking around. He looked at his watch. "So. When are they coming?"

For a moment Lucas was confused, but with sudden jolting clarity he realised what Ben was expecting. Prostitutes.
He felt sick, and his hands shook even more.
He didn't know what to say as Ben looked expectantly at him. Lie and pretend to get annoyed as they failed to show? Was that worse than the truth?
"Lucas...?"
Lucas swallowed and leant back against the table sitting on his hands.
He wants me he wants me not.
A million things flew into his head; how to dissipate the situation, save face, have a laugh, but the longing for Ben which has spiral wildly after that afternoon in the Officers' Lounge spurred him on, despite potentially facing the single most excruciating moment of his life. Lucas wasn't sure if it was physically possible to expire from anticipation, but his heart was giving it a good go.
"Okay. Ben. I don't want you to be mad" Lucas struggled anxiously "No-one else is coming here".
Ben looked perplexed "So you brought me here because you thought I'd appreciate a siesta?" he asked.
Lucas took a deep breath and tried to stop his knees from shaking so obviously. Shit; he was so scared he couldn't imagine how he was going to be able to get a hard-on. What the hell was he doing?

"Ben. I, um... like you; I like you a lot actually, you're a good friend. But there are things... times that I think you and I might like each other more than just friends". Lucas looked at the moral officer's face for any sign of understanding, but Ben looked only mildly perplexed.
Lucas continued "I've brought you up here because I have something to give you; it's my present to you".
"Okay" Ben nodded slowly.
Lucas closed his eyes, unable to look at Ben.
"It's me. I'm giving myself... to you".
Please don't laugh.
The room was silent and after a moment Lucas slowly opened his eyes.
Ben's face wore a frozen, stunned expression.
"Are you pleased?" Lucas whispered. His whole body shook.

Ben sat heavily on the edge of the bed and rubbed at this forehead "Lucas. Jesus. You're what, 16? And I'm guessing a virgin, right?"
Lucas nodded and chewed his lip.
Ben continued, his head in his hands. "You should be out necking girls in the back of a car, or in the mall, not taking 36 year old men to hotel rooms." Ben sighed and looked up. "Having said that, I don't suppose you know many girls, and there isn't exactly a selection of drive-ins on the sub." He paused and studied the nervous boy. "How long have you been thinking about doing this?"
"Ages" Lucas replied, looking down at the floor. "Let's just go back to the harbour; it was a stupid idea and I'm sorry I sprung it on you".
Flustered, he started to walk quickly to the door, but Ben stood and clasped his arm. "I'm not saying I want to leave and I'm not saying this is stupid. I'm just shocked - but honoured" Ben said quietly. "Have you told anyone else about this?"
"Of course not!" Lucas replied hotly. He paused trying to get a hold on the situation. "So... what? You do want to stay? You'll stay here with me - for this?" Lucas felt hopeful for the first time.
"I... your virginity...crap Lucas, I don't know. I like you..." Ben paused and sighed. Lucas waited for the 'but'.
"But, this is a hell of a big step."
Lucas pulled his arm sharply from Ben's grasp, annoyed that despite the mountain of responsibility he carried out diligently every day, Ben still regarded him too immature to know what wanted.
"Yeah I know, but I'm sure I'm not making a mistake." Lucas walked over to the window and looked out at the blossoming trees. "I can't have imagined all those times you touched me or watched me that it was just friendly interest" he said quietly, not turning around. "When I lie in bed and touch myself; I always imagine it's you...". He trailed off, embarrassed.
He heard Ben cross the room to stand behind him. "Fantasising and doing aren't the same thing, kid."
"That's what I'm hoping" Lucas shot back sarcastically.

Ben raised an eyebrow and smirked, catching Lucas's eyes daring him to deny his offer. They looked at each other. Lucas wasn't certain what it was about his expression that goaded Ben into throwing caution to the wind, but after a pause Ben evidently decided that, after all, Lucas was fair game.

No matter how many times Lucas had conceived this moment - Ben's mouth on his, the pressure of his lips, the smell of his hands - he was wholly unprepared for the sheer intensity of the moment. The kiss Ben planted on Lucas's mouth made him grip the front of Ben's uniform, as if clinging in fear of him changing his mind. Ben pulled Lucas away from the window and up against the wall, looking at Lucas, wide-eyed but happy, as his fingers fumbled to undo Lucas' shirt buttons.
Lucas' consternation melted away and his penis swelled.
Hot, hurried kisses; Ben's mouth over his and on his neck, ears, eyes. Breathtakingly overwhelmed, Lucas prayed he wasn't going to come in his pants.
Ben pulled open Lucas's shirt, glad for once that he was wasn't wearing the ubiquitous t-shirt. His body exposed, Lucas self-consciously moved his arms over his naked torso. He knew against the naval officers, his body looked slender and childish, but Ben took his wrists and pinned them against the wall.
"It's not as if I haven't seen you like this before" Ben murmured, leaning in and pressing his body against Lucas, as he kissed the boy's neck. "Well, not quite like this...". Ben pushed his groin into Lucas' abdomen, and Lucas felt the sexual arousal of another man pressing against his body for the first time. He really thought he was about to come in his pants and moaned, his cock aching and straining.
The lust made his stomach flip and his head feel dizzy, his breath coming out in short gasps.
Ben let go of Lucas' wrist, and his fingers danced over the sensitised virginal skin, brushing over nipples and navel, kissing and nibbling, making Lucas clench his jaw as he wrapped his fingers in Ben's hair, his legs quivering and he had to grip Ben's shoulders to stop himself from sliding to the floor in an undignified, over-stimulated heap.
Sensing Lucas was rapidly loosing his balance and control, Ben stopped toying with him and straightened up. He put his hands on Lucas' belt and paused looking at the flushed teenager, who was watching him breathlessly.

"You're absolutely sure that..." Ben started.
"Oh GOD!" Lucas interrupted, his eyes rolling up in frustration.

Ben didn't need further prompting as he undid Lucas' belt, popped off the buttons and hooked his fingers into the waistband. He tugged the jeans and boxers down and over Lucas' straining erection and let them drop to the floor.
Lucas watched Ben's eyes travel over his body, and his excitement intensified. He was practically naked and unmistakably aroused in front of someone, and not just anyone - Ben. He could hardly breathe and his pulse was sprinting, his insides were boiling and the sensation of sexual tension was so intense his genitals felt aflame. Ben wasn't even touching him and he was about to come.
But Ben did touch him - he looked at Lucas's feverish, dilated eyes and reached down to wrap a hand around Lucas's penis, making Lucas whimper helplessly.

Ben tightened his hold on Lucas' iron-hard cock and slowly started to tug, and with fingers and palm slick with copious pre-cum, Ben picked up speed.
Lucas bit his lip and clutched Ben's wrist, his body trembling with sexual turbulence. He was already close - too close - and tried to get Ben to give him a moment to recover.
"Ben... wait" Lucas gasped, "You're still dressed".
He closed his eyes, trying to suppress the explosion, and didn't see Ben smile wickedly. With Lucas still holding his wrists tightly, Ben's fingers massaged the top of the shaft and the swollen head.
Lucas's head whipped back, his eyes screwed tight, hips pushing forwards desperately into Ben's hands and cried out as he came over their hands and forearms.

A moment passed where Lucas could do nothing but try and breathe, leaning heavily against Ben's chest. He slid down the wall, panting hard, and sat on the floor, jeans and boxers still around his ankles.
"Shit, I'm sorry" Lucas said. He slammed his hand hard on the floor in frustration "How crap was that? I hardly lasted a minute".
He'd imagined that he would seduce Ben, slowly, languorously teasing his new lover to the height of sexual excitement, as Ben writhed helplessly, marvelling at his sexual prowess. But all he'd done was spurt over the sleeve of the object of his lust, in an orgasm worthy of a thirteen year old.
Ben knelt, and saw the dark look on Lucas's face. "You can't expect to be Casanova on your first time buddy" he said.
Lucas noticed the forced calmness in Ben's husky voice, and looked at his face - flushed, excited. Lucas's eyes drifted down. Ben was most definitely turned-on, and there was still some time left.

In a streak of stubborn sexual pride, Lucas kicked off his pants and boxers and shrugged off his shirt and knelt in front of Ben completely naked, his thin pale body glistening with a post-orgasmic sheen. Saying nothing, Lucas began to tentatively remove Ben's uniform, tugging down the jumpsuit, pulling off the under-garments until Ben's torso was bare. Hardly a pause before Ben hauled Lucas onto his lap and pulled him close, both of them now breathing hard, and Lucas felt his cock stirring again. The kiss was less frantic this time, more considered and sensual, tempering Lucas's exuberance.
Lucas sighed and leaned back, held in a loose embrace by Ben's arms as the older man gently kissed his jaw, down the hollow of his neck and across his shoulder. Ben reached down between their groins, his hand brushing against Lucas as he unzipped his uniform and awkwardly shifted to allow his cock out from beneath his clothing. By the time Ben pulled Lucas tightly back to him, the boy's penis was aching again and he ground it into Ben's abdomen. His heart snatched a beat as he felt Ben's cock, press hot and hard against his, and stilled to allow a sensation of pure sexual energy register and swirl around through his groin hips, strain through his chest and escape as a groan through clenched teeth.
So immersed in the fervent heat unleashed in his lower body, he initially resisted Ben's attempts to move him off his lap, until Ben spoke.
He told Lucas that he wanted more, that he was close and any more of this and they wouldn't have time nor Lucas the stamina.
Lucas nodded and allowed Ben to move him off, and turn him around towards the bed but both remaining kneeling hotel room floor. Lucas looked over his shoulder to see, through strands of damp fringe, Ben finally pull off the remainder of his uniform and come behind him running his hands up Lucas's hips and around to his flat stomach. Lucas's hips rose slightly in anticipation of Ben's fingers enclosing his penis again but the Officer's hands glided over the soft blond hair and up to the adolescent chest.
Lucas pressed back against Ben's body; his friend's erection in the small of his back leaked fluids along the ridge of the boy's spine.
Lucas wrapped his long arms behind him to pull Ben's face close and shivered as Ben kissed the nape of his neck and breathed laboured gasps into his ear. Ben continued to stimulate himself against Lucas as he rubbed his hand over the young body, becoming increasingly distracted and aggressive as he felt the ache in his balls burgeon into a fire.
Ben urged him to lean forwards and Lucas gripped the iron bedstead, his head giddy with lust but trying to remember every second of this; his first time.
His long back arched as Ben fisted his hand once more around his prick and Ben pushed his own cock hard against the soft skin of his ass. He wouldn't go inside though, no matter how much Lucas groaned and tried to impale himself. Not this time, here on this threadbare rug at 2:34 of the afternoon of his 36th birthday. Lucas pleaded piteously as Ben bucked against him, until the friction of Ben's sticky fingers silenced him and there was no words, just grunts and slicked skin rubbing, stimulating and heating.
Ben's arm suddenly clasped Lucas' chest and his balls pulsed hard, hot cum on Lucas's back. Lucas gasped at the feeling of the fluids of another on his skin and his hips again pushed hard into one hand, joined by Ben's second hand slipping around his hips to grasp his balls, making him cry out.
Hands finally wrenched out the second orgasm when Lucas came hard, in oblivious spasms leaving him exhausted, panting but relieved.

~ * ~
It had been difficult if not near impossible for Ben to get the limp teenager up, washed and dressed. They'd laughed and complained until they finally tumbled out of the room and back into the spring sunshine. Walking towards the harbour, Lucas glanced over at the Officer several times but Ben wouldn't catch his eye. Instead the moral officer chatted inanely about the merits of orang-utans, good divorce lawyers and Amontillados Sherry as a currency until ratio of dialogue left Ben talking alone, and Lucas confused.

As they rounded the corner to the sub port, Lucas caught Ben by his arm, stopping his friend in mid-rant about Crocker. "Ben, you know that you haven't really had your present - at least not all of it" Lucas said, trying to gauge Ben's view to continuing any form of a sexual liaison.
Ben studied Lucas's hopeful face before his eyes drifted towards the sea.
"It ain't a terrific idea to indulge in this kind of thing on board Lucas, seeing as Bridger would splice me into unrecognisable morsels and feed me to some unheard of gargantuan sea beast if he even suspected".
Lucas frowned but managed not to pout as he contemplated Ben's words. Clearly he wasn't going to submit easily, but Lucas was prepared to gamble again that Ben wouldn't be able to pass over anything that fell in his lap for free.
"Oh. Right. Okay then." Lucas shrugged, continuing towards the shuttle.
"Lucas - really, Bridger would offer me to Zeller as a test subject..."
"Mmm, sure."
They descended the shuttle door still bantering.
"Hey" Ben nodded to the rest of the Lunch party who where waiting, a little tipsy, in the sub.
"Get want you wanted Lucas?" Ford asked.
"The hardware was more than up to spec, but I think I'll wait for the next version - I've heard it's coming soon."
Ford looked surprised when Ben burst out laughing.

~ * ~

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