Disclaimer: Vamps belong to Anne Rice, not me. I make no money from this.

Spoilers: Queen of the Damned

Daniel loves to play racing video games. Lestat loves to play racing video games. (Can you see where this is heading?) Well, Daniel challenged, Lestat answered, and by sheer luck Daniel won. As one can imagine, things got a bit out of hand. Lestat declared that his controls were broken, while Daniel said he could have the best controls and he'd still lose. Lestat then replied he would win for certain if they raced for real, upon which Daniel couldn't stop saying "bring it on! Bring it on, Prissy Boy!" That's when Lestat made his shoes catch fire.

While Daniel was hopping about on melting rubber, Marius walked in and started to scold Lestat, who then told him that Daniel had called him Prissy Boy. Marius shook his head in disgust at them, and then Armand came in, saw what had happened to his beloved fledgling, and promptly attacked Lestat. However, Lestat just put his hand on Armand's forehead and held him at arm's length, while Armand flailed ineffectually. That's when Marius made Lestat's boots catch fire. Meanwhile, Daniel was trying to get someone to notice that he was still hopping around.

Of course, Lestat's surprised squawk of outrage at the loss of his black suede boots brought Louis around to see if his lover was all right. When he saw what was happening, he tried to make a quick retreat, but everyone noticed him and started yelling at him what had happened and demanded that he take a side. Yes, he tried to be neutral and fair, but then Daniel called him a Lestat-toy for not choosing his side, and Lestat just gave him a hurt pout. At that point, Louis cried "my poor little baby!" and ran over and kissed his cheek. All the other vampires rolled their eyes.

Then David had entered, and everything was screamed at him, and everyone was waiting for his answer when he made the logical suggestion--"Why don't they really race then, and settle it?"

Lestat's eyes had lit up, Armand's eyes had narrowed wickedly, Marius' eyes had opened wide in surprise, Danny's eyes had their typically blank look, and Louis' eyes just rolled. Leave it to David...

So they built a wild, curvy road deep in a Virginia forest, and they were about to buy their cars when Armand said he was going to race, too. Then Marius said he wanted to try his hand at racing, but only if David would ride with him "just in case," though he didn't say just in case of what. And Louis tried to slip away before he was noticed, but he was too slow again and Lestat insisted he get a car as well. Then when Marius wanted to know what he should buy, Daniel whined and said he didn't want Lestat to know what he was going to get. Then David, again with those helpful suggestions, said they could buy their transporation in secret.

Everyone nodded, and they all took off to make their purchases.

As can be expected, the collection was...ecclectic, to say the least. The first to arrive was Marius, punctual as always, in an old World War II motorcycle, and David in the sidecar, both of them wearing goggles. Next came Louis driving up in an olive green BMW, looking pleased as punch and playing with the stickshift. Then Lestat arrived, revving up the engine in his bright red convertible Porsche (no, I don't know if they really make them, but for the purposes of this story, they do!) and showing off his leather seats. Armand came rolling in on a three-wheel off-road vehicle, obviously intending to drive as the crow flies. Lestat couldn't help his laughter, however, and when Armand asked snidely what the matter was, Lestat told him he looked like he was riding a tricycle. Armand looked down at his vehicle and turned beet red, but they couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or anger, and no one wanted to ask. Finally Daniel walked his strange looking motorcycle up to the starting line. They all recognized it as a customized Hurricane, and if he could handle it, they all knew he'd take the race. Lestat scowled and wished he'd thought of buying one first.

Most of the rest of the coven sat on the hastily made bleachers, snacking on complimentary rats and elbowing eachother for a good look. Maharet, Mekare, Khayman and Jesse all sat on the top seats, all dressed in shorts, t-shirts and baseball caps. Jesse waved a homemade pennant with the word Louis on it. Louis smiled and waved. Khayman turned to ask Jesse again why there were here, and Maharet was blowing bubbles with her chewing gum. Mekare had taken to shooting spit-wads at the racers, trying to hit Marius' and David's goggles. Who was gonna stop her?

Below them, Sybelle and Benji were squabbling over a fat rat. Mael was absent-mindedly making a daisy chain and occassionally slapping Sybelle and Benji upside the head when they wouldn't quiet down. Pandora and Gabrielle were playing a game of cat's cradle, hardly paying attention to their surroundings. Beneath the bleachers, Eric and Santino were making out.

The second hand neared the 12 on the clock they'd put up. The racers revved their engines, eyeing each other warily. 5...4...3...2...1! Let the dialog begin!

"Go!" David screamed. All the racers gunned their engines and started off, but the massive concussive force of all those engines shook the rickity bleachers. Suddenly the bleachers collapsed and all the vampires fell on top of each other. Eric and Santino gave simultaneous groans of pain.

Daniel had gunned his engine, preparing to fly...and he did. The motorcycle surged forward and his entire body lifted off the seat so that he was hanging on to just the handlebars, which conveniently made the bike accelerate. He screamed as the bike took off down the road, and at the first curve, his Hurricane went straight on forward into the forest.

"Danny!" Armand yelled, driving after him. They both disappeared into the darkness.

Meanwhile, Louis and Lestat were racing down the road, their high-performance cars handling the curves easily. Marius and David roared beside them, their white scarves whipping majestically in the wind. With Marius' skill from chariot races, they managed to pass by Lestat and Louis. A fly splatted on David's goggles, and he took them off to try and scrape the mess off. Of course that's when the sidecar hit a huge log in the center of the road and sent David flying out. Only his vampire revflexes saved him from being roadkill. He managed to grab the edge of the seat, but now he was barely holding on as Marius zipped around.

"Marius, stop!" David screamed.

"What, and lose the race? Never!" Marius replied, shouting over the wind.

Suddenly Louis, now rounding that same bend, hit the same log, and his driver side door was flung open. That's when Daniel burst out from the foliage and rammed the door off. Louis started to cry that his new car was broken. Armand came out after him, just a few feet away, and when he hit the same log, he was thrown headfirst toward his fledgling. He landed nimbly on the Hurricane, but the bike popped a wheelie and Daniel was tossed back onto Armand's three-wheeler. They both plowed back into the forest. During all the commotion, Lestat roared ahead.

Louis drove faster and faster, just wanting to finish the race now. He was wailing so that arcs of tears coursed from his eyes in rainbows, and he wasn't looking where he was going. Was it any surprise he came too close to Marius' motorcycle? They bumped and Louis, who foolishly wasn't wearing his seat belt because he didn't believe he could learn a lot from a dummy (sorry, old seat belt safety commercials), fell out into the side car and David scrambled into the BMW.

"Hey, where are you going with my car!" Louis screamed.

"Hey, where are you going period!" Marius yelled, leaping from the bike to the BMW and pushing David into the passenger side.

Louis noticed that there was no one driving the bike, and at these speeds, he couldn't edge forward to steer. He shrieked like a little girl and covered his eyes.

Let's bring everyone up to speed on all the changes: Daniel's in Armand's bike, Armand's in Daniel's bike, David and Marius are in Louis' broken BMW and Louis is in Marius' sidecar with no driver. Back to the race.

A loud explosion caught Louis' attention, and he looked up despite his fear. Lestat was far ahead, his Porsche spinning out of control and the engine was on fire under the hood.

"Lestat, honey bunch!"

Lestat looked up, and he grinned. As Louis came by him, he abandoned his car and jumped next to his lover, taking control. Now assured of his safety, Louis smiled and leaned back, waving at Marius as they passed them. David screamed for Marius to speed up, but the car was quickly wearing down. Plus, if there was one thing Lestat could handle, it was a motorcycle. They zoomed on leisurely through the forest, enjoying the scenery, while Marius and David fell far behind. Occassionally Daniel and Armand would fly from the forest, dash out in front of them, and disappear into the greenery again.

Fifteen minutes later they finished the circuit and returned to the starting line, which was also the finishing line, and broke the tape. Lestat danced in victory while Louis merely bowed to the bruised but cheering crowd. Eric and Santino wobbled forward and handed them the trophy, which was a winged victory with fangs. David and Marius rolled slowly up to the line and sat back in exhaustion.

"Where's Armand and Daniel?" Marius asked.

"Yikes!" Armand crashed out of the forest and slammed into the broken BMW, ramming himself halfway into the trunk. His legs dangled ridiculously in the air and his bike rode right over Eric. Right behind him, Daniel bounced off his bike, which landed on top of Santino. The fledgling landed on top of the green car.

"My Beamer," Louis whimpered.

"I'll buy you a new one, darling."

"Oh, goody!" Louis laughed, clapping his hands.

Jessie ran up to them. "Now that you've won the race, Lestat, what are you going to do now?"

Lestat grinned and hugged Louis close. "We're going to Disneyworld!"

The End