My Take on the Ninja Turtles

Splinter

Weapons: Long bow, assorted items, his mind and claws

Color: Furry brown

Role in the family: Mentor, Teacher, Task Master

Hobbies: Meditation, Studying, Lecturing Everyone In Earshot

Other Information: Loves his sons, but doesn't hesitate to send them on life-threatening missions. Has apparently discovered the meaning of life, but refuses to reveal it.

Splinter. *sigh* Well, not to disappoint the Splinter fans, but I don't really like this character. It's not because he's dull or flat, because he doesn't seem that way, but it's probably because of the way he interacts with everyone. Plus, he seems to have a lot of potential as a character, either good or bad, and he just gets portrayed as a passive character for the most part, spewing that handy ancient Oriental advice in true Hollywood fashion.

Maybe it's my own hang-ups as an only child, but I don't like the parental figure here. Splinter has brought up four sons perhaps as best as he knows how, but there is a problem. You know those parents at little league games that try to live vicariously through their kids, or try to force their children to do things they want them to do? Yeah, that's what I see Splinter as. He trained his students to be efficient fighters and picked the eldest to become a living lethal weapon, not worrying what mental symptoms could occur from this upbringing. Apparently he didn't even think about whether or not this would be beneficial to the four turtles, just decided it should be so. He teaches them, lectures them from time to time, devotes most of his instruction to Leonardo and meditates.

And what has he to show for it? No matter how well-meaning he was in the beginning, he now has a techno-hermit, a sulky second-oldest who could kill you just as soon as look at you, a television junkie who yo-yo's between freakin' cheerful and gloomily depressed, and an eldest son who wouldn't mind eviscerating a few bad guys before breakfast. They can count their friends on one hand (well, for them, two hands), they can't emotionally connect to much of anyone because they might have to kill them, Leo and Raph couldn't stop fighting if angels descended from Heaven and commanded them to stop, and the four can't talk to Splinter without getting another riddle-like lecture that leaves them feeling if not worse then at the very least confused as hell. The Brady Bunch they ain't!

Don't think they have hang-ups? Donatello has more of a relationship with his computer than the family, Raphael bounces from girl-friend to girl-friend and depression to depression, Michelangelo zones on the television and seems to be attempting suicide with every pizza-like concoction he cooks up in the kitchen, and Leonardo is either practicing or killing. Yeah, that's all very healthy.

I'll be blunt, there is a lot of potential here for casting Splinter as a bad guy. How so? How about as a neglectful father? No, not in Leo's case, but certainly for everyone else. His ear is open to them, and yes, he does listen, but I don't think he acts like a father. He acts more like a sensei. And with Leonardo, I think that he's borderline abusive. He's not above using hurtful words to get his message across, even when they're not necessary, and I can easily see him ordering Leonardo to commit suicide if he accidentally hurt one of the family. As if Leo wouldn't feel guilty enough with his "keep everyone safe" instinct. Of course, none of the other siblings would possibly get that order. There is a definite double-standard here. Raph can go out and do whatever he likes, but Leo had better keep to the honorable straight and narrow. Raphael has had girlfriends and they've been welcomed rather openly. Leo, as of yet, has never brought one home to meet Splinter. Of course, when the only girl you've ever been attracted to is a thief who managed to defeat you in battle and you're barely in contact with once in awhile, you don't rush to introduce her to the family.

Of course, Splinter could also be cast as open and wise, caring of his sons and doing his best to help them. You have to give him credit for keeping all four of them alive, and I think he would feel true grief if any one of them died. This really doesn't bear going into, though, because this is how he is often portrayed. However, I still think he's more believable as the master of this small clan, the task master behind Leonardo and the stern father to the other three.

Future Projection: As Splinter gets older, I think he and Leonardo would get into arguments, occasional at first, and relatively light, but after awhile they would get more and more heated until they were yelling at each other. Leonardo would undoubtedly drift more and more from Splinter's idea of the honorable path, and Raphael would finally get that coveted spot next to the Master as Leo falls out of favor. When Splinter dies, several things would happen. Everyone goes into mourning, except for Leo, who doesn't hide the fact that he is leaving. This isn't too surprising when you consider his emotions are either dead or buried deep. Raphael views this as betrayal and will never forgive Leo, which won't help a grieving Mike and Don any. There would probably be a few attempts to communicate with Splinter from beyond the grave, which may or may not succeed, depending on the writer's religious views.