"This can't keep going on."

Raphael spoke softly but his voice carried through the dark room, interrupting Splinter as he lit the candles by his side. Without waiting for an answer, Raphael sat down in front of his master and met his gaze.

"He endangered you," Splinter said. "He endangered all of you--"

"This ain't a conversation," Raphael cut him off. "I know you got reasons, but I don't care if you're right or wrong. You almost killed Leo tonight."

Splinter raised his head. "Raphael, I understand that you are frustrated and upset, but the greatest danger lies in Leonardo's irrational behavior."

"Tch," Raphael said, feeling stung on his brother's behalf. "You ain't helping, either. If I hadn't got that phone away from you, he probably would'a hung up, and then he would've gone into that ship even more distracted. Hell, he couldn't even bear to look at you when we came home."

"Because he knew he had failed to protect you," Splinter said. "Worse, his actions put you all at risk."

"That ain't fair," Raphael said. "He can't act perfect all the time, no matter how much he--no. No matter how much you want him to."

With an exasperated sigh, Splinter shook his head. "We have been over this already. You know why he was brought up the way he was. His duty is to protect you three in ways that you cannot."

"Which is why he's always alert to any attack that we might miss when we're goofing off," Raphael said.

"Exactly." Splinter closed his eyes in mild relief that his son understood.

"What happens when that paranoia and stress finally give him a nervous breakdown?" Raphael asked, then paused and shook his head. "Wait, scratch that, he already had a nervous breakdown. He ran away and came back even worse. So you tell me, Splinter, what happens when he finally just collapses in on himself and can't fight no more? What then? We stay underground forever 'cause we might get hurt?"

Splinter held silent, but the look in his eyes was not one of shame or defiance. Raphael knew that look from the rare times Leonardo held something back to camouflage the truth. Now he knew where his brother had learned that annoying habit.

"No..." Raphael murmured, slowly thinking out his master's possible chain of thought. "No, there's too much riding on this war against the Foot clan. But if we need him so bad, then...oh geez."

He shook his head as if to deny it to himself, but the hint of defiance in Splinter's eyes made him realize he was right.

"You'd force him back. Tell him it was his duty. Make him fight even if was breaking." Raphael stared at him in growing horror. "He'd be like a bag of broken glass. He wouldn't be Leo, he'd be a freakin' robot."

"No," Splinter whispered, startled by Raphael's conclusion. "Duty and honor and his love for you would give him the strength to continue, no matter how weary he grew."
"It's the same thing!" Raphael said. "You're just calling it something different! It's sick--"

"His desire to protect you is not sick," Splinter said. His fur bristled at the accusation.

"No, but it's making him sick. It's--God, why can't you see what you're doing to him?"

Splinter's tail whipped from side to side betraying his agitation. "You said yourself he was improving. I have made allowances because of his need for rest, but I cannot permit him to risk everything he has worked for his entire life. When he is well--"

"We'll decide when he's okay again," Raphael cut him off. His accent grew thicker as his exhaustion and anger caught up to him. "And if he does go back to watching us, he ain't gonna do it alone and we ain't gonna sit back and do nothing. If you keep treating us like we can't do anything, we never will."

"Raphael--"

"No," he snapped. "This time we're deciding what happens. And one more thing. Don't you dare yell at Leo. Don't lecture him, don't tell him he was wrong, nothing. You wanna visit him? You don't say you're disappointed or that he screwed up or any shit like that."

Without waiting for Splinter's response, he stood up and headed for the door, pausing to look over his shoulder at him.

"Master...he already knows he screwed up. He's already on his own guilt trip. If you try to pile on any more, we may never get him back."

No response, but he didn't expect any. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he left Splinter's room and closed the door behind him. He glanced at the huge dead demon in front of their door and sighed. It would be a long time before they chopped it up and got rid of it.

*

As soon as he woke, despite the dull headache and sharp pain in his leg and shoulder, Leonardo sat up and looked around the empty room. The light had been left low enough that he was sure everyone else could see but didn't leave him blind. He gingerly touched the patch of bandages across the bite in his shoulder and tried to raise his arm, but moving it even a few inches sent sharp jolts through his chest.

From his right, he heard someone sigh and turned to see who it was, but the slightest movement pulled on the bandages on his shoulder and twisted the wound underneath.

"Do I really need to tell you to lay down and rest?" Donatello asked as he sat in the chair beside the bed.

"No, I will. It's just..." Leonardo glanced at the closed door as if he might see through it. "Mike and Raph, they're okay?"

"Some cuts and scratches, nothing life-threatening," Donatello said. "Mike went to sleep, but Raph had a talk with Splinter first and--"

"What?" Leonardo's eyes widened and his breathing quickened. "No, he shouldn't have--Splinter could--is Raphael still there? How long've I been asleep--?"

"He's okay. He already came out." Donatello put his hand on Leonardo's to reassure him. "He went back to taking that dead thing apart so we can use the front door again."

"...are you sure he's all right?"

Donatello frowned, surprised by his brother. Leonardo usually trusted him when he said their siblings were fine. "If you want, I can go call him over."

Leonardo hesitated for a few seconds, then shook his head. "No--no. I don't--he's busy."

"I promise he won't yell at you," Donatello said. He couldn't help his smile. Leonardo's worry seemed so transparent as he refused to meet his eyes. He reminded him a bit of Michelangelo when he'd been scolded, except where Mike usually moped and hung his head, Leonardo looked like he was ready to scold himself if no one else would. "And believe me, he'll be happy for any excuse to take a break from cutting that thing apart."

Donatello stood and crossed the room, halfway out the door when he hesitated. Raphael had warned them not to leave their elder brother alone for any reason, not even for a little while, and he couldn't help glancing at the medical instruments he had left on the far counter.

"Leo…" he said slowly, "can I trust you not to do anything bad while I go get him? I mean, no trying to hurt yourself, nothing like that?"

For a moment Leonardo didn't reply, silently considering. After a few seconds, he glanced up. "Is there even the slightest chance I might lose control again? That I might attack you?"

"No way." Donatello smiled and opened the door a little wider. "The signal Stockman used to control his creatures was a unique variable frequency carried through several different transmitters. The odds of that happening are super slim. I mean, there'd have to be an error in the television broadcasts and then--"

"So it could happen."

The flat whisper made ice in Donatello's veins. Even worse was the strange look of lost focus on his brother's face, as if he was deliberately walking off a cliff. Although he knew he could physically stop Leonardo from doing anything to himself, Donatello didn't wait for him to glance at the scalpel and pills in the corner. He leaned out of the door and shouted for Raphael.

The footsteps that sped towards them made it clear Raphael thought Leonardo was in the middle of slicing open a vein, but when he didn't see anything of the sort, he didn't look any happier. He couldn't help shooting a glare at Donatello.

"How about next time you don't make it sound like he's dying?" he said, dropping his sword on the ground and grabbing a rag off the counter to wipe his hands clean.

"It's not his fault," Leonardo mumbled. "I'm just too tired to think fast enough right now."

Raphael blinked. His brother wasn't the only exhausted one, and he took a few seconds to figure out what Leonardo meant. After a quick glance around the room, he sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Leo, we're not gonna leave you alone long enough to try anything," he started, "but I don't want you trying anything anyway."

"He said I might lose control again."

About to yell at his other sibling, Raphael glared at Donatello only to find him waving his hands frantically.

"Don't bite my head off," Donatello said. "That's not what I said. He wanted to know if he might ever attack us again, and I said no, but then I started explaining the technical aspect of broadcast signals and all of you have always been pretty shaky on the difference between realistic probabilities and meaningful probabilities in a technical sense."

The sentence didn't make any more sense after Raphael thought about if for a few seconds. He sighed and stared at the ground.

"Don, we've all been up way too long. Is there any way you could say that so me and Leo get it?"

Donatello bit his lip and leaned back against the wall, losing himself in thought. While he waited, Raphael put his arm around his older brother and pulled him close, a little relieved that Leonardo let him.

"Raph?" Leonardo said, his eyes shut as if he couldn't summon the strength to open them. "Don said you went and talked to Splinter. Are you okay?"

"I'm good," Raphael said with a nod. "We both got angry and I yelled at him a lot, but--"

"You yelled at him?" Leonardo whispered.

"I didn't grow up with him feeding me that self-sacrifice crap like you did," Raphael said. "And you're not gonna get it anymore, either. He's not allowed to talk to you without one of us here. And you're not allowed to listen to him until we tell you he's right or he's full of it again, 'least until you can figure that out on your own."

"But Raphael--that's--I mean he's--"

"Leo, if he hurt one of us, you wouldn't let us near him," Raphael said. "Right?"

Leonardo nodded once.

"So we're just doing the same for you." He held him a little tighter. Despite all this, he still felt relieved that he had him home in one morose piece. "It'll all seem better after you've slept, okay? Trust me?"

"Don't really have a choice," Leonardo mumbled. "I know I'm not thinking straight."

"You're exhausted." Donatello came over to sit beside them. "Leo, you need to know this now. There's a difference between what's possible in the real world and what computers think is possible. The odds of an electrical signal being just right to set you off again can't happen. There's a tiny possibility it could, but it's the kind of possibility that's a really tiny decimal point. It's like hitting a the head of a pin with a throwing star while backwards and blindfolded. It's possible, but so improbable that it's just not going to happen."

"…the head of a pin?" Leonardo tilted his head. "Mm."

Raphael smiled at his smartest sibling. "Ten bucks says he's thinking of a way to try it."

"He's also blitzed from the past couple of days," Donatello said. "We've gotta stay with him even while he's asleep, right?"

"Yeah, but while he's still kind of awake…" Raphael gave Leonardo a tiny shove. "Hey, wake up. I need you to promise me something."

"Mmf. What?"

"You gotta promise you won't try to hurt or kill yourself, okay?"

Silence. At first Raphael thought his brother had fallen asleep on his shoulder already, but then Leonardo leaned back and put one hand over his face, fending off sleep for just a few more moments.

"…won't hurt you?"

"No, you won't hurt us," Donatello said.

"…'kay."

The murmured response barely reached them, but Raphael smiled in relief as if his brother had been wide awake. He looked over his brother at Donatello.

"Best not to leave him alone until he promises when he's wide awake, but for now, that'll do."

Between the two of them, they helped settle Leonardo back on his pillow and brought the covers up again. His brother looked so comfortable that Donatello yawned and didn't move when Raphael stood.

"I think I'm just gonna crash with him," he said. "Tell Mike he can come in later, okay?"

"Sure thing," Raphael nodded. "Just remember, don't leave him alone."

"No problem. Don't stay up much longer, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Raphael answered, not meaning it at all. He'd go to sleep after he cleared the path to their front door. And cleaned the blood from the sword he was using. And swept most of the blood away. And took a shower.

Lingering by the door, he waited until Donatello had fallen asleep curled up against Leonardo, then left the lights low before he left. And as tired as he was, he made a quick sweep of the lair just to make sure they were all safe before going back to work. The peace of mind knowing that they were okay made the exhaustion worth it.

tbc…