By Ultima Mayu (mayu_roxx@rudra.zzn.com)

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Soul Calibur and Astaroth are a trademark of Namco, a company I am fond of. Barney is a trademark of Lyon’s Group. Thank god I do not own him!

Warning: This fic contains content which may not be suitable for Immature people whom do not know fantasy from reality or Barney lovers. Read at your own risk, but do not come whining to me!

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300 to 400 years have came and gone by. The Golem Astaroth has been awakened from his long dormant period by the Modern Day Followers of Ares.

“Must.....Kill............Something!” Astaroth muttered.

“Here is a good place.” The clan leader commanded, as he led the Golem to what appeared to be a TV studio where they film sell-out kid’s shows. “This place is where the ‘Purple One’ and his friends hang out. Destroy them!”

“Oh really....” Astaroth said enthusiastically as he headed to the crude looking little studio. As he started to madly dash towards the studio, a crew member jumped right in front of the massive Golem.

“Excuse me sir, but do you work at the Lyon‘s Group?” He asked.

“Back off worm!” Astaroth lifted the man and threw him so hard, he flew far away from the studio and crashed. Astaroth stomped his way towards the studio, where he heard awful singing and annoying voices.

“Yay, we’re gonna sing about how we should be happy all the time and how we should show no bad emotions at all.” Barney, the purple beast exclaimed in excitement.

“There is no room for bad emotions in this world!” Baby Bop, the green and pink beast gurgled happily. All of the sudden, everyone paused when they heard loud stomping.

“Oh boy, we are going to have a guest! How happy can this get?” BJ, the yellow beast cheers out. Astaroth finally came in and lets out his war cry. The hapless little kids were stunned and rendered silent, but the purple on and his friends just stood there with moronic grins on their faces.

“Hey, we have a guest we need to cheer up!”

“No! I am Astaroth! Fear me!”

Barney just stood and giggled. “Awwww! Our friend Asty is trying to be tough!”

“That is Astaroth to you, Purple bastard!”

“Oooooooooh, Asty said a bad word.” Baby Bop points out. “Did you know you cursed?”

“Yes, I knew that you green......”

“Oh, did you know axes can hurt people?” Barney asks, noticing the legendary Thanantos Axe Astaroth was holding.

“Yes, I it will be used for today’s lesson for those little worms.”

“What will it be?” BJ asks. “Are you going to be the example of someone with bad emotions?”

“Hell no!”: Astaroth grunts. “I shall teach those little worms about parts of the body.”

BJ and Baby Bop felt sick. “Body parts? Ewwwwwwwww..........”

“Oh come on, you guys could just take a little peak over there.” Barney points out the side of the school building. “You can always look away if things get too offensive.”

As Barney’s two friends run off, Astaroth brandishes the Thanantos Axe. “Stand still Purple one!”

And with that, Astaroth chops off Barney’s tail. “Here is the beast’s disembodied tail!”

“Hey. where is my tail again?” Barney asks. The kids were all grossed out.

“Ewwwwwwwwwwww..............” the children cried out. Astaroth stomps his foot down in frustration.

“SHUT UP WORMS.” Now the room was silent as as Astaroth slits Barney’s torso open. “These are the GUTS! Oh, and look at this, there is a lot of them too!”

“Oh ho ho ho, these guts are a nice pink colour to match my purple durple skin!”

Astaroth started to feel an even more aggressive urge to pull out as much of Barney’s guts as he possibly could. “These are a lot of guts here!”

“Okay kids, guts digest food, hold in bodily acid for digestion and.........”

“SHUT UP PURPLE ONE!” Astaroth screams out as he was pulling out the last remaining guts that there was. “Heh heh, there is more to come!”

Astaroth now reaches out more remains inside Barney’s torso. “These are the stomach, kidneys and liver.........”

“I wanna puke....” One kid whispered. Astaroth slams down his Thanantos axe in rage.

“STOP TALKING, little worm. Now it looks like there s one stomach, one liver and two fat kidneys here.”

“Mmmmm.........nummy num. Kidney pies and liver! They are full of Iron and are..........”

“Can’t you ever shut up Purple One?” Astaroth bellows as he cuts into Barney some more. “Now, here are the spleen and pancreas and up here.......”

Astaroth now started to chop into Barney’s chest, making a wave of blood pour out. “This is the ribcage!”

“Ribs? Are you going to cook up some ribs Asty?”

“Yeah, I’ll be cooking up YOUR ribs soon! Ha ha ha ha ha.........” Astaroth then starts to break the ribcage apart, releasing more body parts. “ Now these are the lungs, little worms”

“They look like bagpipes! I remember on my show over in Britain, I played the bagpipes and I.............”

“STOP TALKING! My ears hurt.” Astaroth screams out at Barney. Now all the kids were to remain silent, knowing the Golem’s rage. “Now this is what I like here!”

Astaroth pulls out Barney’s heart and veins, and threw it half across the room, blood streaking everywhere. But as Astaroth looked over, Barney was still ready to open his big fat mouth.

“I like pretty colours. Especially red......”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Astaroth yells out as he lands his axe on Barney’s neck. “My ears are killing me.”

But would Barney keep his mouth shut by now? No of course not. HE was still opening his mouth and smiling moronically. “BJ, Baby Bop, come play with Asty and show him a happy time here!”

“Master Barney!” BJ and Baby Bop shouts out in oh too perfect unison. Then Astaroth could not take the pain anymore, so he gets very axe happy and hacked up Barney’s head and his friends bodies to bloody pieces.

“Agh! Finally, silence......”

As the carnage was over, the Modern Day Followers of Ares walked in and were pleased with Astaroth’s duties. “Well done strong one.”

“That Soul Edge works wonders.” Another Ares clans member said, everyone feeling great relief. “And look, the children hardly peeped at all. I bet Ares would be proud of them.”

Before everyone left the set, both Astaroth and the Ares clans leader looked at the remains. “Astaroth, do you want the souls of Barney or his two companions?”

Astaroth sees a few small organs on the ground and picks them up. He feels disgusted. “Ugh, I don’t want to own any of their souls! Hell, there brains are the size of walnuts, so their souls are useless either way.”

THE END