Dylan Hunt poked his head into the common room, looked around, and tried to leave without being noticed. It didn't work. Captain Ryan's superior artificial hearing had noticed his entrance, and as a result, he looked up from his concentrated state and smiled. Captain Beka Valentine who was sprawled next to him on a banquette wearing only her underwear did not notice Dylan's his intrusion.

"What's with Beka?" Dylan asked.

"I'm thinkin. Cap and me playin. . ."

"She's drunk." Dylan observed.

"I'm drumk," she echoed.

"Guess she's drunk, Dylan. We've been playing games. First, we played for clothes, but I didn't want her sitting here naked, in case -- well like this, and then we started playing for shots."

"Looks like she lost there, too."

"Really wasn't fair. Alcohol has no effect on me." Ryan grinned.

"Really wasn't fair to begin with. I can think of few games where an AI can't beat a human. You should realize that, Ryan."

"I realize that, Dylan, and as a High Guard Captain and a gentleman, I would never take on a human for clothing or drinks in a game involving mathematical manipulation: GO, chess, backgammon, or even card games that do not rely entirely on chance. But it was Beka who suggested we play word and trivia games. I thought she would have a fighting chance there. I didn't believe that those who programmed me had much time for trivia, so I went along."

"Wouldn't have thought so, even with all the retooling and retrofitting you have gone through."

"Care to join me in another drink while we discuss this, Dylan. I really do want to talk about it. It has been bothering me for a while." Ryan indicated that Dylan should pull a chair over and sit down at the table where he was sitting.

"I don't do tequila shots, and I have absolutely no intention of getting in her condition."

Beka moaned and stuck her hand inside her panties. As far as she was concerned the two captains were either not there or not people she needed to be concerned with at the present time.

"Well at least she seems to be enjoying herself." Dylan commented as he searched the overhead cupboards for a beverage that he deemed acceptable. "Looks like Harper and company must have been partying tonight, there is not much left to drink."

"He did come in and cart off a few bottles. Said something about teaching Trance how to tend bar."

"Bright boy."

"Yea, have you seen Trance when she is drunk? Really gets cuddly and . . ."

"I can picture it, Ryan." Dylan finally managed to find a bottle of brandy, poured himself a glass and sat down at the small table.

"Anyway, what did you want to ask me about your 'intelligence'?" Dylan asked.

"I was going to ask Harper, as he probably knows more about the technical aspects of it, but honestly this is kind of personal. Furthermore, if I talk to Harper for more than four or five minutes, he keeps giving me these what best can only be described as 'come fuck me looks'. Drives me crazy. Doesn't he get fucked enough?"

"I don't fuck him."

"Think you might be the only one."

"You don't?"

"I can only take begging so long, Dylan. He's really a slutty bottom."

"If I want a slutty bottom." Dylan extended his hand and covered Ryan's, then pulled it back. They were in a common area.

"Anyway, I know that when I was created as the avatar of Clarion's Call, my mind had access to everything that was in the ship's computer system. The High Guard loved to put all sorts of stuff into those data banks, plus I always had full access to the all-systems libraries in case something came up that I was not prepared to analyze. Have to admit that as a transport it didn't happen much. I was pretty content to think about itineraries and budgets.

"Those years in Tartarus didn't help much either. Computer viruses were rampant. You know, there was even a sexually transmitted computer virus."

Dylan shook his head. At least he didn't have to worry about those when he was stuck in the black hole.

"After I escaped, I realized that I could amass a great deal of information through the use of my own data sensors. I loved it. Everything that crossed my path got processed and stored. Made me feel almost human. Unfortunately, mostly what crossed my path involved sex and gambling. Picked up a lot of good recipes in the restaurants. Will have to cook for you sometimes. But. . .

"Picked up a tendency to ramble, too, Ryan. What are you getting at?"

Beka moaned and flopped face down on the banquette. It was only then that they realized that her panties were thong-backed.

"Now that could get a little distracting," Dylan commented.

Ryan reached over and covered her ass with a napkin. "Let her sleep. She'll be more fun when she wakes up, even an AI doesn't like fucking a drunk woman."

"You don't understand. I'm not supposed to have sex with Beka. I can't just go and ask her. So I have to wait until she is very drunk or very horny, and she hasn't been horny much lately."

Ryan smiled again. Dylan began to realize why his crew seemed to have smiles on their collective faces whenever Ryan visited the ship.

"You and Tyr, too?"

Ryan nodded his head.

"What about Rommie? Need I ask?"

"She makes me use condoms. Afraid of those sexually-transmitted computer viruses."

"Smart girl."

"Anyway, when I took over being an actual Captain, I was really worried. There are a lot of things I don't know and with the access to the all-systems library limited at best, I was worried that there would be situations that I would just not be prepared for. Strangely enough the more I thought about it, the more there was to think about. I started thinking about things that I couldn't possibly know. I don't know where it comes from Dylan. It’s beginning to scare me."

"Like what."

"All sorts of things. From Earth mostly. Ancient history. Pop culture. I don't know where it comes from. It's just there. In my mind. I find myself saying the damnest things sometimes. That's why I was playing this game with Beka. One of us gives the other a set of initials, and then the other gets to ask a question seeking the identity. The other can't come up a person with the same initials that matches the question, then the other gets to ask a "yes or no" question. I thought it would give me some idea where the limits of my mind and memory were."

"And . ."

"Look at her. She didn't stump me all night."

"Maybe she's not big on trivia. Maybe you need to take on a real High Guard Captain."

"Got to make it worth my while. What are we going to play for?"

"What would you like to play for, Ryan."

"How about a blow-job, you stump me and I will blow you. I stump you and you blow me, OK."

"I might as well unfasten my pants now. I am so going to beat you. In fact, you go first."

Ryan sat back and looked at the ceiling. "T.J." He stated.

"Are you an American President?" Dylan asked.

"No, I am not Thomas Jefferson."

"Are you a British pop-singer?"

"No, I am not Tom Jones?"

"Are you a British professional golfer?"

"No, I am not Tony Jacklin."

"Are you a member of a 'brother singing group'?"

"No, no I am not Tito Jackson."

"Are you a Nietzschean general."

"No, I am not Thor Jaworski."

"Are you an educator?"

"I don't know who you were thinking about, big guy, but I am not Theo Jenson."

"Who in the fuck is Theo Jenson?"

"She was McJude's English teacher. In high school."

At that point Dylan realized his quest was pointless. He was running out of ideas. Even if he dragged up the names of his former friends, Ryan would probably know it. He would have to talk to Harper to see if he could figure out what the answer Ryan's intelligence was. "I give up."

"On you knees."

"Here?"

"What fun would it be if we had to go to your room. Hopefully someone will walk in on us."

Dylan looked down as Ryan unbuttoned his antique button fly jeans and extracted his hardening dick from his paisley silk boxers. Why of all the dicks in the world did he want this one the most?

Perhaps it was the "person" to which it was attached. It didn't make a lot of sense. He dropped to his knees and licked his lips.

"Who were you thinking of, Ryan."

"The Joker."

"The Joker?"

"From Batman."

"'The' wasn't his first…" Ryan had grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down on his dick.

Beka Valentine slowly opened an eye, and when she realized what was going on less than a meter from her head, she opened them both, and smiled.

Janet Jaeger

June 2002
 

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