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Once upon a time there was a mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain and he had a brand-new wife Tetanya. Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain had proven his genetic worthiness to his brand-new wife Tetanya many times over and finally her ova were put to good use.
As Tetanya’s belly grew large with their future little Alpha her appetite and demands grew accordingly. She kept asking for something new every day and the Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain kept proving his worthiness as a husband and immediately fulfilled her every whim until one time Tetanya asked for a rare and little-known fuzzy fruit named kiwi.
“But, my precious Tetanya!” The mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain exclaimed, “This rare fuzzy fruit grows in the garden of the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem! Surely you do not want your husband to be taken by the scary fuzzy Magog and converted to Wayism!”
Precious Tetanya pouted her pretty rosy lips and flexed her ivory bone blades, looking at the Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain from under her thick lashes, “Surely, my dear husband you do not want me to complain to my uncle Cuatemok that you are not fulfilling your obligations and not taking care of your wife and our future little Alpha!”
The Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain squared his mighty shoulders and went on the quest for the rare fuzzy fruit kiwi for his precious and not so brand-new anymore wife Tetanya. He approached the white stone fence of the garden of the scary fuzzy Magog and climbed over. He squashed through the cabbage patches, trampled the strawberries and finally came to the coveted rare fuzzy kiwis. ‘At last!’ he thought but as soon as he plucked the fruit he heard the footsteps and the chanting of the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem: “Thou shelt not steal! Thou shelt not steal! Thou shelt not steal!”
The Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain faced the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem and tried to fight his way out but Rev Bem had paralyzed him with his venom and started preaching. After many hours the Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain still refused to succumb to the Way and scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem was getting tired. He did not want to lose another potential convert, so he decided to trick the Mighty Dragan Alpha and so he said:
“I shell have mercy on you, Mighty Dragan Alpha and allow you to leave with the fruit you have stolen, but I demand the retribution.”
“I shell give you the retribution if it will aid my survival.” The Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain said. “What will you ask of me?”
“I shell request that your future little Alpha is turned over to me upon his birth so I can teach him The Way.”
The Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain crossed his fingers behind his back and agreed. When he came to his not so brand-new wife Tetanya and gave her the rare fuzzy kiwi she was very happy. However when she learned about the retribution requested by the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem she got very upset. But the Mighty Dragan Alpha Cuchulain smiled and told his precious wife Tetanya, “We shell never give our little Alpha to the scary fuzzy Magog. Instead we shell send him our little Kodiak slave whats-his-name.” Tetanya clapped her hands in glee and started eating the rare fuzzy fruit kiwi.
Soon the little Alpha was born and the scary fuzzy Magog came to collect his retribution. He took the little Kodiak knowing no better and left. He locked the little Kodiak in the tall white tower and said:
“I shell call you Tyrpunzel and I shell teach you the Way.” The tower had no doors and so the scary fuzzy Magog used Tyrpunzel’s long beautiful locks to climb in and out of the tower. The scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem preached the Way to poor Tyrpunzel but he still refused to convert. When the Magog would leave the tower Tyrpunzel practiced martial arts and planned the vengeance for his enemies. And so he lived in the tall tower for twenty long years.
Once a brave and handsome but very idealistic Knight Dylan Hunt was cruising around on his Glorious Starship Andromeda restoring the Commonwealth and saw the Tyrpunzel sitting at the window of the tower, throwing knives and cleaning his Gauss gun, his long beautiful locks snaking down the tower wall.
“Be still my heart!” Exclaimed Knight Dylan Hunt and came over to the tower. He called out to the Tyrpunzel and started talking to him, hoping that Tyrpunzel will let him come up and they would make wild passionate love, because Knight Dylan Hunt was stuck in the Black Hole for 300 years and he missed his princess Sara and his consort Khalid.
Brave Knight Dylan Hunt charmed Tyrpunzel with the stories of battles and victories but Tyrpunzel was not impressed. But when Brave Knight Dylan Hunt promised to show Tyrpunzel his force lance and even said that he would let Tyrpunzel play with it to his Nietzschean heart content, Tyrpunzel lowered his dark beautiful locks and let the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt climb up.
The Brave Knight Dylan Hunt kept his promise and not only showed Tyrpunzel his very impressive forcelance, but indeed allowed Tyrpunzel to play with it, touch it, sniff it, extend it, taste it, and even holster it as much as Tyrpunzel desired. But unbeknownst to the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt and Tyrpunzel, the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem was watching them.
When the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt left, promising to come back soon and play with the forcelance some more, Magog Rev Bem screamed that it was not the Way and paralyzed poor Tyrpunzel with his venom. When the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt returned as promised to play with Tyrpunzel some more, scary fuzzy Magog got really mad and threw him out of the tower. The Brave Knight Dylan Hunt left and poor Tyrpunzel remained in the claws of the scary fuzzy Magog Rev Bem.
Soon Magog Rev Bem saw that after twenty years of preaching he still did not convert Tyrpunzel to Wayism and threw him out. Tyrpunzel missed the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt and he became very sad and angry. After being sad and angry for a while Tyrpunzel realized that it was anti-survival and became a mercenary and an assassin. This way he could take his anger out on others and get paid for it.
A long time had passed and Tyrpunzel was hired by a Sleazy Nightsider Gerentex to join the crew of Eureka Maru and take over a starship. When Tyrpunzel and the others approached the said starship Tyrpunzel saw that it was none other but the Glorious Starship Andromeda. Tyrpunzel run aboard and when he saw the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt his heart sang with joy.
Together with the Captain of Eureka Maru, the Bold and Beautiful Rebecca Valentine, her Super Genius Engineer Seamus Harper and Purple and Mysterious Trance Gemini our Brave Knight Dylan Hunt and Tyrpunzel had beaten the Sleazy Nightsider Gerentex and all his bad guys.
The Glorious Ship Andromeda now had a new Super Genius Engineer Seamus Harper, new pilot the Bold and Beautiful Rebecca Valentine, the new doctor and gardener the Purple and Mysterious Trance Gemini. And the Brave Knight Dylan Hunt and Tyrpunzel could play with their forcelances all they wanted.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
The End.