Pairings -- LOTS -- mostly involving an antique sex toy.

Spoilers -- None. However there is a reference to "Planet Earth" -- a Gene Roddenberry movie that also featured another Dylan Hunt.

Warning -- this FF makes certain assumptions about Nietzchean anatomy and biochemistry, which are not supported by the series. Research is being done!

Disclaimers -- All of the characters in this story with the exception of the Appt wand belong to Tribune Entertainment. If I disclosed the owner the Appt wand, I would be in even more trouble -- so I won't!!

E-MAIL: McJude2001@msn.com

Captain Dylan Hunt lay back on his bed, his mind three hundred years in both time and distance away from this place. Because they were not running from someone, or running to help someone else, he had chosen to use this opportunity to transverse deep space at a less than slip-stream speed. It brought back fond old memories of a time when people actually chose to "cruise" through space to get away from their everyday lives. They could relax, listen to music, read books, spend time with those they loved . . .

Someone was banging on his quarter's door. Powerfully and persistently, as if the entire future of civilization depended on it. He opened the door to see an out-of-breath Beka Valentine, standing before him. Her hair was uncombed and the top three buttons on her uniform open. Not since she was using flash had he seen her in such a state.

"Rommie says you have one!" Her eyes were wide and her mouth unable to close.

"Pardon me?" Dylan's eyes cast a questioning look at his first officer.

"Rommie says you have one!" That was exactly what she had said before. He was sure if he asked her to repeat it once more; she would say the same thing. It was hard to communicate with people when they were in this state. Even though he wasn't exactly sure what "this state" was.

"Have one what?" Probably wasn't going to help much.

"An Appt wand." She could hardly get the words out.

Dylan was now totally confused. It took him a few seconds to realize what she was talking about was an antique medical instrument. All of the conditions for which he had used the four-hundred-year-old instrument had been replaced by much more effective treatments -- primarily nano-bots. He had no idea why Beka could be so excited about an Appt wand and even less of an idea why she and Rommie would have been discussing it.

"I have one somewhere. About the only thing that they are still good for is treatment of the old Herpes based viral cold-sore, cuts the healing time on those down to two/three days."

She gave him one of those "Dylan, you have absolutely no idea, do you . . . and I am not going to be the person who explains it to you, looks." He hated when she did that. Sometimes that woman could act so superior.

"I just want to look at it. Hold it in my hand. I never dreamed I would ever see one."

* * * * *

Earlier that evening, Beka, Rommie and Trance had taken advantage of the stressless transit and had been sitting around chatting. Girl talk -- accompanied by wine. Usually Beka wasn't much for that, especially when one of the other "girls" was artificial and the other some unknown species, but tonight, after a few drinks, it just seemed fun. After a while it got just plain nasty. Rommie was talking about peeling off Tyr's chainmail shirt and licking his chest. She wondered about the programs Harper had been loaded into her. Was he living out his vicarious pleasures through her? Trance had a few choice things to say about the time she had a close encounter with Harper in the garden, having absolutely no idea what he was doing with the soft spongy fruit of the Amineater tree. Beka listened to the music playing in the background, music she had brought from her library.

"Well, isn't this fitting. We're all here taking about men and sex, and what starts to play but a song by the group named after the greatest sex toy of all times."

"What? Sex toy. Isn't this by a group named 'Paint Me Red'?" Rommie asked. Harper had obviously programmed music recognition in her software.

"Exactly. 'Paint Me Red' is the name of a sex toy, like Steely Dan." The looks on her friends' faces led Beka to believe that neither one had any idea what she was talking about. She wasn't sure if they failed to recognize "sex toy" or "Steely Dan" or to make the connection.

"It's another name for the Appt wand, reportedly the best sex toy ever invented." Beka mused. You still sometimes heard those stories in backwater bars, or women's dance clubs.

"Appt wand. About eight inches long, red light on the end, rechargeable?" Rommie asked.

"You've actually seen one?" Beka had only heard stories.

"Yeh, why?" She had no idea why a person would get so excited about a device that was used to treat cold sores and carpal tunnel syndrome. "I think Dylan might still have . . .

She never got to finish the sentence, Beka was running down the hall as fast as she could.

* * * * * *

Dylan went into his private lavatory, searched through a locker, and came back with a gray metal box. Opening it, he extracted a soft cloth pouch with a drawstring on one end.

"Please let me see it." Beka grabbed the bag of his hand and fumbled to open it to extract the wand.

"I'm not even sure it's still charged. The recharging cord I have still works with the outlets on Andromeda, but I am not sure about the power rating, since Harper has been upgrading our electrical system. It might explode if you tried to recharge it without a transformer."

"I just want to hold it." She held the device in one hand and slowly, sensually, ran the other down the soft rubber that cushioned its handle.

"This is an old one, still has its 'for veterinary use only' warning on it." He told her. He was quite sure she wasn't interested in any warning labels on the instrument.

She pushed the small button on one end and a beam of red light shot across the room. She quickly shut it off.

"Please, can I take it back to my room. Just for a few minutes." Her eyes were even wider, somewhat confused.

"I can help you Beka. I think it works even better if someone else does it. Don't have to worry about looking in the mirror to get . . . " From the confused look on her face, it appeared that Beka was contemplating a different use for the Appt wand than tending to a cold sore. Come to think of it, Sarah used to have a lot of cold sore problems whenever she came to visit the ship.

"OK, but better let me recharge it when you are done." He still wasn't sure about the power supply and did not want Beka to feel guilty if the batteries exploded.

Beka hung the pouch from her belt and raced back down the hall. She couldn't make it to her room, and ducked into a small unused storeroom. A mirror would have helped, but she had to try it immediately.

The Appt, from the stories she had heard, contained a computer chip that produced a stream of totally randomly pulsed photons. Unlike the laser it resembled, whose tightly focused stream of photons could be used for cutting and welding, the beam of the APPT confused whatever it hit. Confused light shining upon flesh would create a slight tingling sensation; very slight, you would have to concentrate to feel it. However, no concentration was needed when the body's blood supply began to react to the confusion. The device was designed to promote healing, but it hadn't taken women long to discover the deep pleasure of confused blood. Even though it felt great using it on herself, Beka's devious mind was already thinking of other uses.

The men of this ship! What was a woman to do? Tyr, despite his mind numbing good looks only believed in sex as a method of procreation for his species. No way Jose was he, a Nietzchean, interested in sexual activities with a human. Dylan, well, Dylan often seemed as if he had been using the Appt wand on his head for a little too long. She didn't think much about Harper sexually. He was more like a brother, and she figured he had found his own ways to satisfy his personal urges. That left Rev; and even with a bag over his head, he was still a magog, not to mention a wayist. No wonder she messed around so much whenever they stopped by another planet, system, or even ship. Beka wondered if she might be getting a reputation.

"What are you doing Captain Valentine?" She looked up to see Tyr leaning against the open door to the storage room. She wondered how long he had been watching her.

"What does it look like I am doing." Sitting her with my pants down, shining a light on my . . she wasn't really sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"It looks like you are doing self directed laser surgery for the removal of pubic hair follicles, but I seriously doubt that you will be successful as you are aiming in the wrong part of your, shall we call it 'private anatomy'." He answered coldly. She blushed.

"Well," he continued, "Since I noticed my response generated the embarrassment reflex. My second guess is that you are engaged in some sort of self-sexual stimulation, what you humans call masturbation. But what is that device?"

"It my friend, is the fabled, in song and lore, Appt wand. Do you want to give it a try, or better yet, let me try it on you."

"First, I didn't know such an instrument still existed. Second, I am a Nietzchean; I have no need or use for such an instrument. And, third, I thought they were only approved for use on horses."

She looked to his eyes, then down to his crotch, then up again. "I didn't know it was possible for a Nietzchean to blush." She smiled.

"Got me there, Captain Valentine."

"So, if you want to give it a spin, just close the door."

"I think I would prefer, if I am going to engage in such perversions, that we go someplace a little more physically comfortable. You humans may be willing to experience pleasure in an empty storeroom sitting on the floor half-naked, but I myself am not. Would you care to join me in my quarters?"

'Would I,' she thought. 'Would I care to take a bath in melted white chocolate? Would I care to lie naked under the seven suns of Hantherian Key? Would I care to . . . she didn't have to think about anything more. She was about to do Tyr with the greatest "sex toy" ever invented. She was going to make him squirm."

She had never been in Tyr's quarters. She expected it to be a lot like Dylan's only, if possible, more Spartan. No pictures of his former fiancee. No soft cotton blankets. No reading lights. She was totally surprised to find that the Nietzchean's room contained fur blankets and even a few candles. She wondered what Rommie would think about the fire potential here.

"It would probably work best if we were both naked." She suggested, and to her surprise he agreed. They sat side-by-side.

"Those things scare me." She pointed to the spikes that protruded from his forearms. "What do you do with them when you make love?"

He shrugged his shoulders. Nietzcheans just exercised self-control, and after the initial mounting, hands were not really necessary. "We just don't use our hands much."

"Well, I could tie your hands to the bedposts. That would make me feel a little safer." She was even more surprised when he agreed. Of course, the thin strips of cloth she found in the bathroom would not hold him for even a second if he really wanted to get loose, but at least he would 'feel' as if he were restrained.

"Are you ready? Are you ready for the most fabled sexual experience of the last half millennium."

"I seriously hope that you are still talking about the Appt device and not yourself, Captain Valentine, or I fear I am going to be most disappointed."

'Damn him.' Beka thought. 'He's the one tied to the bed, and still acting like a superior bastard.'

She began painting his chest with the red light. She wasn't sure how a Nietzchean would react to confusion or increased blood supply. Tyr seemed to emit small uncharacteristic moans, barely audible. She continued moving the light beam lower on his torso. The structure of the muscles in his lower abdomen clearly indicted that what she had heard about Nietzchean men was true, they did not have to rely on hip thrusts to move their penis, but had developed a whole set of, at least on Tyr, highly developed muscles exactly for that purpose. His penis lay flat on his stomach, with no indication of any desire to be used for any motion. Until she hit it with the beam of the Appt wand. Talk about confused.

"Don't say a word, Tyr," she warned, "unless you want me to put your mouth in the same condition as your hands." He looked at her with a 'why don't you see what happens if you try and make me' attitude, but said nothing.

"Confusing isn't it. The light excites and the blood comes flowing in and there is nothing your famous Nietzchean self control can do to stop it. My advice is to just relax and enjoy it."

Tyr had often seen the looks on men's faces after they had spent time with Beka. He had never doubted that she was beautiful under her clothing, but the attitude she exuded came as a total surprise. It really shouldn't have. She was an excellent pilot, and excellent captain. She was used to giving orders to men. He had heard that there were some human men who like to have the woman in control, they would certainly love Beka.

What was she doing now? She had switched off the wand and kneeling over his torso was licking his penis with her tongue. This could be very dangerous. Years of selected breeding had made Nietzchean semen very caustic. There had been a lot of reasons for this. The eggs of Nietzchean women had developed hardened outer layers, to prevent impregnation by the sperm of humans and other lesser species, so the causticity was necessary to help the sperm pierce the egg. Caustic sperm also served as a deterrent to masturbation and homosexual activities. Sexual activities not resulting in fertilization were most unpleasant for Nietzcheans. He did not know if Beka knew this, as it would also be most unpleasant to her, or if she would just consider it another bit of folklore.

A voice, over the intercom, broke the silence.

"Captain Valentine," It was Dylan's voice. "Unless you chose to go through life with a red scarred mustache on your upper lip and feed on a steady diet of milk shakes and yogurt, I suggest that you let Mr. Anasazi finish his 'red light special' however Nietzcheans do it to themselves, and get that Appt wand back down to me. Your few minutes are over. Understand."

She didn't want to stop, but she understood. "Sorry Tyr, I didn't believe what they told me. Why didn't you stop me?"

"You told me not to talk."

She smiled and untied his hands. "Does this mean that he was watching?"

"Why do you think I suggested we move to my room. And do you really think I would have furs and candles? What do you think I am?"

'Damn,' she thought to herself. 'They both think they are superior bastards.' She shrugged internally. "Oh well."

She borrowed one of Tyr's towels for the walk down the hall to Dylan's quarters. Something told her that it was not worth the trouble to dress. She swung the Appt wand pouch at her side.

To her surprise Dylan was sitting in his quarters wearing his full High Guard dress uniform. A carafe of gold colored liquid was sitting on the table beside his chair. He looked at her and smiled as she walked in the room.

"Are you warm enough in that, Captain Valentine?" She nodded. "Until tonight I had always believed that the High Guard Force Lance could double as the most effective sex-toy ever created, I see I was wrong."

"Typical male arrogance. As if size really mattered." She glared at him. "And I cannot believe, you were watching me. . us." She was biting her bottom lip so hard he was afraid she was going to draw blood.

"As you saw, it was for your own protection. Preservation. I've seen the faces and mouths of a few of my men who didn't believe what has been said about Nietzcheans. Tyr is enough of a bastard to let you discover it first hand."

"Not a nice thing to say about one of your crew members."

"Actually, I believe he was one of your crew members, Captain Valentine. I honestly can't believe that a woman like YOU didn't know about Nietzchean semen."

"A woman like me! What do you . . ? Well I didn't, so I guess I should thank you."

"Going to have time for that Beka." He reached over and ran his hand over her shoulder. "Plenty of time for that. But right now it is time for another question. What, if any, is the interaction between the red light of the Appt and alcohol?"

"I don't know. I suppose it makes it 'redder' or 'brighter' or something."

"No. Consumption of alcohol by both the male and female before its use makes their bodies more in tune. More balanced. More capable of both experiencing mutual pleasure. Balance is critical. Alcohol creates balance."

"That's from an old, old movie. I remember watching it as a kid. Can't remember the name. Some space traveler trying to get a 'naturally dominant' woman pregnant. Conveniently forgot the pregnant part, right." She thought about it for a second. 'Wasn't his name Dylan Hunt?"

Dylan laughed. Beka had spent a lot of time with movies and music. It was hard to pull one over on her, even if the story was a several hundred years old.

"Anyway, would you like a drink?" He had that little boy twinkle in his eye.

"After what I just almost experienced, maybe a milkshake, or just some cold water. Don't think I am ready to face the burn of Xenarian Brandy."

"How about a little Nexacarian Ice-wine. Actually cools the system."

"And how does that react with the exciting red light."

"We'll just have to wait and see." He poured her a glass and she sipped it tentatively. When it cooled her mouth, she drank more.

"Nice and cooling." She smiled. "Good."

"When you feel you are ready, just throw off that towel and lie back and relax. I'll take you to a place no woman has been for the last three hundred years." There was an extended pause. "With or without?"

"With or without?"

"Leathers. . . how do you want me dressed."

"Without of course."

"Well, Sarah used to like. . .

"

Honestly, Dylan, I don't give a shit about what Sarah liked. Especially right now." Maybe Sarah was kinkier than she had thought.

"Watch your mouth, Valentine, I am your Captain." He laughed.

It seemed like forever, longer than she had ever experienced, that he moved the device over her body. Each square centimeter of skin got its own few seconds of fame. As an area got excited, he would take a drink of the cooling liquid and run his tongue over the hot inflamed area. She had always known Dylan to be patient, but never expected it would have extended to his sex acts. She had always pictured him as a quick "let's get this over so I can play basketball" type of guy when it came to sex. For once, she was very, very glad that she was wrong.

"Oops." One of those silly little Dylanesque noises, but it couldn't be good.

"Oops?" She opened her eyes in response. He had a concerned look on his face.

"I just got a low-battery pulse from the Appt. You know what that means don't you?"

"Session over." She pouted.

He looked down on her and smiled. Then he put the wand down and took her face in his hands, followed by a soft, probing kiss.

"Session over, I certainly hope not. I was thinking, I was just going to have to resort to some less heralded, but usually most effective, human methods of stimulation. Are you game?"

"Certainly, you are the captain. Carry on."

* * * * *

Rommie and Trance watched intently. Rommie was only slightly jealous that she was not the one on Captain Hunt's bed tonight. Now that she saw what he was capable of doing to a woman, she would have to figure out some scenario to see how well Harper had engineered her body. Trance didn't care. Most of her sex organs were in her nose and were stimulated by fragrance. The crew didn't know that she could orgasm in their presence just by sniffing the right flowers from the garden. They had continued to watch and drink the wine.

"Does that Appt wand really work? Sure seemed to do a job on Beka and Tyr." Trance asked.

"All future research indicated that its effect is caused purely by the mind. There is really no such thing as confused light." Rommie reported from her data bank.

"But isn't all pleasure caused by the mind?" Trance commented.

"Exactly. And it is much kinder and gentler than a High Guard Force Lance."

* * * * * *

Harper, who had felt as excluded as Rev during this flight, studied the plans for sex-toys Rommie had placed under his door. He had tried most of the devices she had suggested and found archaic and underrated. He inserted the probe into the socket in his neck and let the data from the universe flow in. He was looking for more than plans. In some dark corner, marked restricted, or maybe not marked at all, he knew there was a substance, flexible, strong and pleasant tasting that could be used to make condoms resistant to Nietzchean sperm. He had seen them for sale in back rooms of bars, often for amounts equal to his whole year's income. As soon as he found it he was going to have to ask Dylan to borrow that Appt wand and drop in on Tyr.

* * * * *

Beka left Dylan singing in the shower, and was about to return to her quarters, when she stopped to pick up the Appt wand. She ran her fingers along the shaft. "One more time," she thought, flicked it on and ran the light beam across her palm. It felt cool and pleasant. She ran it a little longer. She waited. There was no "Low Battery" pulse.

She swore under her breath, again!

November, 2001

McJude

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