AUTHOR: Brit
RATING: R
PAIRING: Harper/Tyr
SUMMARY: Harper watches Tyr sleep. This was supposed to be Harper/Beka but a certain gentleman got into my head and wouldn’t leave until I had written this.
SPOILERS: None that I know of.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Andromeda or any of her characters
mentioned in this story. If I did own these two guys I would have a permanent
very big grin on my face.
Every night I hide in the crawl space above his room and watch him while he sleeps, he doesn’t know that I do this; no one knows that I do it. Even Rommie has no idea, it wasn’t difficult to override and block certain systems, not when you’re a freakin genius like me.
He would be horrified if he knew; he is the most masculine, the most aggressively heterosexual person on board. Even if he weren’t he wouldn’t look twice at me. I’m the mudfoot, he is the uber. I’m the annoying brash engineer, always trying to hit on the ladies. Little do they know that if one of them called my bluff I’d run a mile? It’s an act I put on, my protective shield. I’ve been hurt and rejected so much in the past that his ultimate rejection would kill me.
I’m ashamed when I remember the Nietzscheans raping me. My shame isn’t because of what they did to me but because I enjoyed it and begged them for more. How would my friends feel about me if they knew that?
He stirs in his sleep, uncovering his magnificent body, he is so beautiful, he has no idea of the effect he has on me. When he calls me ‘boy’ shivers run through me, he makes me breathless.
I whisper the words he will never hear me say aloud. “I love you Tyr,” I make my way back to my own quarters, to sleep and to hope that dreams of him will replace the nightmares, if only for one night.
~
Seamus Z Harper is not a morning person, oh I usually have no trouble getting out of bed, the nightmares I have on a regular basis ensure that I have no desire to linger in sleep any longer than necessary. But this particular morning I had been dreaming of him all night, now I know what you are thinking and you’re wrong. Just innocent dreams of being together, being an accepted couple, no one being embarrassed or disgusted that two men are in a loving relationship. Anyway as I was saying this particular morning I didn’t want to get up, didn’t want the night to end and the day to start, so I stayed in bed longer than usual. I woke from a very pleasant doze to see Rommie standing over me, her expression, concerned. She asked me if I was ill, and when I answered that no I was good she began to tap her foot. I got the impression that she thought it was time that I was out of bed and working. I gave her the full boyish grin, “OK Rom doll, give me a chance, I’ll just head for the shower and get dressed.” She showed no sign of leaving, I smirked at her, “of course if you want to join me there’s plenty of room for two.” That usually got rid of her and true to form it worked this time.
Once I’d finished in the bathroom I headed for the mess hall in search of the first caffeine shot of the day. I had a big decision to make, coffee or Sparky? He was there of course, did he hear my sharp intake of breath when I saw him, I hoped not, Beka gave me an odd look, but I turned the gasp into a cough and she turned away.
He had obviously been working out, his skin glowed, that’s the only way I can describe it. I inched past him to get to the fridge, trying to avoid contact with him, grabbed a Sparky and retreated. He looked at me and gave that little half smile of his, by the Divine it’s a good job he doesn’t realise the effect that has on me.
I gulped the Sparky down and made one of my usual inane remarks about my genius being needed to tweak the slipstream drive and got up to leave. Once through the door I raced for the sanctuary of the engine room, the one place on board that I feel truly at home in. I spent a few moments remembering how he’d smiled at me and then set about working on the drive.
~
I know that he is watching me, during the night I hear him in the crawl space above my quarters. He thinks he is being quiet but my acute hearing has no trouble picking up the faint scrabbling sounds of his occupancy. I am not worried by this I do not believe that he wishes to harm me.
The boy is paranoid; his eyes are on me all the time whenever we are together. He slides his gaze away if he sees me looking back at him. I know a little about his background, I know what my fellow Neitzscheans did to him. There is a cruel streak in my species; I suppose there is some perverted pleasure to be gained from the act of rape. It is a way of showing dominance; I have heard it referred to as a method to remind the kludges who is the master. I have never seen the need to humiliate inferior beings, I am certain of my superiority without having to prove it.
I remember the first time I saw Harper, he was obviously a mudfoot, he had it written all over him. Undersized and sickly, poor genetic material, such creatures should not be allowed to procreate.
The boy is clever, by his own admission a genius, I would not go that far, but I will admit that we would have been in trouble more than once if it hadn’t been for his quick wits and even quicker fingers.
He can be brave too, as he has shown on several occasions, I have a grudging admiration for him, and despite myself I am beginning to like him.
He was staring at me again this morning in the mess hall, I heard him gasp when he saw me, he is either terrified of me or there is some other reason behind his odd behaviour in my presence. It sometimes seems that he enjoys being near me, the pupils of his eyes dilate and the pattern of his breathing changes when we are close to each other. If I didn’t know better I would think he was attracted to me. The thought is amusing, Harper is always chasing females and he makes the most improper suggestions to Rommie,it is very unlikely that he is looking for a relationship with another male.
~
This has to stop, he is driving me mad, I don’t know which I find more annoying, his constant watching me while I sleep or the way he avoids me whenever we meet. At first I was amused but as the weeks have passed I am more irritated as each day goes by.
It is strange that none of the other crewmembers has commented on his behaviour, perhaps they think he is acting normally. I have decided that I will speak to him and find out why he is doing this.
The problem is that I can never get him alone; whenever we meet there is always at least one other person present. I don’t wish to humiliate him by challenging his actions in front of his friends. I have visited the engine room when I know him to be working, he always has either Rommie or the Rommie hologram with him, and sometimes Trance is also there. When he is in his quarters the privacy lock is engaged, as is his door lock.
I will have to wait for the chance, it is fortunate that patience is a Neitzschean virtue, I require all mine to deal with this. Is it fear or an infatuation? I don’t know but I will find out.
I don’t have to wait much longer. Purely by chance we meet in one of the corridors. He tries to scuttle away but I am too quick for him, my superior genes allow me to move faster than he can. I have him pinned against the wall, my bone spurs against his neck. He looks like a small, frightened animal, his eyes unable to meet mine, he is looking frantically for a chance to escape.
“Boy, you have some explaining to do. You seem to have a problem with my presence on board the Andromeda, what are you afraid of, that I will rape you, or is that what you would like me to do?”
He looks at me with contempt, mingled with some other emotion, I recognise it as desire. I am not sure why I make my next move; our faces are so close together, almost touching. I kiss him passionately full on the lips, I feel him respond his lips parting, then he breaks away from me and runs.
I am shocked by the wave of desire that runs through my body.
~
Why did he have to say that to me, why did he mention rape, what does he know? Why kiss me, he is mocking me. His kiss was the final humiliation, and I responded to it. I feel betrayed by him and yet I still love him, still yearn for him. Well Seamus Z you may be a genius but you are also freakin stupid.
I lie on my bed and cry, I cry as I never did for my parents or my cousins, I cry for the end of a way of life, I cry because now I can’t stay here with these people that I have come to look on as my friends, my family.
Dylan mentioned that we would be docking at a drift pretty soon, a routine replenishment of supplies. I’ve made my plans, a list of parts needed, a request that I be the one to go and find them. I’ll take the money and run, find myself a job, that won’t be hard, there are always jobs for engineers, ‘specially those who aren’t too choosy about who they work for. I could be away back in space in a matter of hours.
Have data port will travel, for hire one genius engineer, several owners not all of them careful. I can fix things you don’t even know are broken yet. On the down side I’ve got a rubbish immune system but hey you should get a couple of years work out of me before it packs in.
I try to act normally in the days before we dock, I can’t avoid him of course but I think I do a fairly good job of appearing to be indifferent to him. He watches me closely to see if I will tell anyone what he did. A couple of times he looks as if he’s going to speak to me. I make extra sure that I am never alone with him.
I’m not sure if the others have noticed anything, Trance has asked me a couple of times if I’m feeling ill, I reassure her that I’m fine and she looks at me with a compassion that I’m not worthy of.
Rommie must know, I’m pretty certain she won’t say anything, we still go through our little routine, me trying to get in her pants, her knocking me back, it’s all an act though, a show put on to deceive.
Beka continues to give me those shrewd looks of hers, sometimes I think she is going to say something but she hasn’t yet, well with any luck I’ll soon be long gone.
I think Rev suspects something too; funny he is the one that I feel most guilty about deceiving. The being on board that I should hate the most, is one of the ones that I’ll miss the most.
As for Dylan, well he’s a good guy but hey lets face it, he’s High Guard, nearly as self-interested as an uber. He cares about the Commonwealth and Andromeda, not necessarily in that order. I’m the person who keeps his ship sweet and that is the only reason he will miss me when I leave.
Not long now until we reach our destination, I can’t remember the last time I slept for more than a couple of hours, I’ll be so glad when all this is over.
~