By Brit
NC17
Gather round and I will tell you a story of the olden days when the crew of the Andromeda Ascendant screwed their way around the known Universe.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Once upon a time on board the Andromeda Ascendant there lived a little engineer. He was called Little Seamus Cargo Pants. He always wore big baggy pants, what no one else realised was that he wore those pants to try to hide the permanent erection he had when around any of the female members of the crew. Despite the bagginess of his pants the bulge in them was easily spotted.
One day Captain Dylan called Little Seamus to his office. "Little Seamus," he said. "Avatar Rommie is poorly sick and is in her quarters. She is in dire need of some lubrication and a little uploading. I am going to send you to her to give her what she needs."
Little Seamus nodded and with a wicked little grin left the Captain's office. Captain Dylan had been fiddling with his force lance under the desk all the time that Little Seamus had been in his office. At the sight of the engineer's cute bum departing through the door, the forcelance suddenly expanded and discharged all over the ceiling.
Damn thought Captain Dylan that is going to be hard to explain.
"Captain Dylan," Ship Andromeda's voice came through loud and clear. How many times have I told you to use preventative measures to avoid premature forcelance discharge? You must learn to take precautions."
Little Seamus hopped and skipped to Avatar Rommie's quarters. On the way he had to pass through hydroponics. He spotted Nietzschean Tyr standing over by the trees. Nietzschean Tyr had his enormous chopper in his hand.
"Nietzschean Tyr," said Little Seamus. "What are you doing with your chopper, you aren't going to harm those trees are you."
"Not at all Little Seamus," came the reply? "Where are you going in such a hurry?"
"I am going to Avatar Rommie's quarters, for she is poorly sick and needs an engineer to lubricate her."
"Come over here Little Seamus and let me show you what I can do with my enormous chopper."
Little Seamus walked over to Nietzschean Tyr, at close quarters his chopper was extremely impressive. "Ooooh," said Little Seamus. Before he knew it his cargo pants and his boxer shorts were round his ankles. "Ooooh," said Little Seamus again. After that he said no more because his mouth was full and so was Nietzschean Tyr's.
Some time later when they had disentangled themselves, and Nietzschean Tyr's chopper was no longer quite so enormous, Little Seamus remembered where he had been going.
"Oh Nietzschean Tyr, I hope that I have enough lubrication left for Avatar Rommie."
"Don't leave yet Little Seamus, there are many other things that my enormous chopper can do. If you leave now the Big Bad Magog will get you. I hear that there is one hiding on board the Andromeda Ascendant."
Little Seamus didn't believe him, he knew it was a trick to get him to stay and admire Nietzschean Tyr's versatile chopper.
Unknown to Little Seamus the Big Bad Magog was hiding behind a tree. It had already gobbled up Golden Trance and Maru Captain Beka but it was still hungry.
It knew a shortcut to Avatar Rommie's quarters and it hurried off to beat Little Seamus to it. It tapped on Avatar Rommie's door.
"Who is there," she called? "I am poorly sick and waiting for some lubrication."
The Big Bad Magog leapt through the door. "It is me the Big Bad Magog and I am going to gobble you all up." Snip snap went the Big Bad Magog's big sharp teeth until nothing was left of Avatar Rommie but a few nuts and bolts and a circuit board. The Big Bad Magog kicked them under the bed and climbed into it pulling the covers up round his neck.
Little Seamus walked into the darkened room, his trousers bulging at the thought of interfacing with Avatar Rommie.
"Avatar Rommie," he called. "Where are you?"
"I am in bed Little Seamus," was the reply in the Big Bad Magog's husky voice.
"Oh dear Avatar Rommie," said Little Seamus. "You sound as though you are badly in need of some lubrication."
He walked towards the bed. "Oh Avatar Rommie what big eyes you have."
"All the better to see you with Little Seamus," said the Big Bad Magog noticing the bulge in Little Seamus' pants.
"Oh Avatar Rommie what big ears you have."
"All the better to hear you with Little Seamus," said the Big Bad Magog noting the increase in Little Seamus' heartbeat.
"Oh Avatar Rommie what big teeth you have."
"All the better to eat you with Little Seamus," cried the Big Bad Magog leaping from the bed.
"Oh no," said Little Seamus pulling down his pants once more and freeing his erection. "Do I have to do that again? I just did that with Nietzschean Tyr. Can't you think of something a little more inventive?
The Big Bad Magog thought very hard and came up with several very unusual ideas. Some of them involving Captain Dylan and his forcelance and Nietzschean Tyr and his enormous chopper.
Life carried on as usual on board the Andromeda Ascendant and they all lived happily ever after. Except for Maru Captain Beka, Golden Trance and Avatar Rommie who were never seen again.
The End