And of course, as Harper often claimed, the universe seemed to hate him today. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse....
"Harper," Rommie said, her holo materializing in front of him, "Dylan wants you to know we need the forward sensor cluster repaired today."
"And who the fuck does fucking Dylan think I am? Mr. Speedy Fixit?" Harper said, the lack of sparky and overload of work affecting even his sense of humour. "Tell him to fix the sensors with his forcelance. After this conduit, I'm taking a nap Romm-doll."
"I heard that Harper," Dylan's voice boomed over the comm system. "And you're fixing the sensors today if I have to force you to myself."
Harper's face fell, and he looked down at the floor for a moment. "Fine." He went back to working half heartedly at the power conduit.
"Or do I have to come down there and force you to finish that power conduit too?" Dylan's voice boomed. Rommie looked somewhat shocked, and disappeared.
"Do you have to be such a jerk about this, boss? I'm working my freakin ass off here."
"Listen Harper, on this ship, you follow my orders. Now get to work."
Harper stared at the deck for a moment longer then looked up. "That is fucking it!!" He tossed his nano welder to the floor and ran from the machine shop.
He ran, angry tears streaming down his face, to Tyr's quarters. As usual, the Nietzschean was off somewhere. "No doubt reading one of his fucking philosophy books," Harper thought. He headed straight to Tyr's closet. He knew what he wanted.
His prize in hand, he ran the final leg to the Command Deck. He rushed up behind Dylan and pulled his forcelance from it's holster.
"I got your fucking forcelance right here, BITCH!" He yelled, "Now say hello to mine!!!!"
Harper brought the massive 10 inch black rubber dildo he'd snagged from Tyr's closet across Dylan's face, knocking the suprised captain to the floor. He jumped on top of him, landing on his chest, and continuing to beat Dylan viciously.
"I bet you like this Dylan!" Harper yelled, "reminds you of all the times you had to pay Tyr back over those basketball bets, right?!?!"
Rommie's holo-self appeared again. "So that's why he kept those basketball games in privacy mode. Really Harper, is this necessary? Murder is a capital offense."
"Shut up Rommie!" Was all Harper said, his eyes blazing as he maniacally beat Dylan about the face, blood beginning to splatter across the open deck. "Fix the sensor cluster Harper, fix the sensor cluster! Sensor Cluster-fuck that, Dylan. The only thing I'm fixing is you, Captain Hunt."
"His vital signs are fading Harper," Rommie said, "And I may have to have you arrested."
Harper looked up. "Yeah? I could use the time off." He set the black dildo aside. "Who's the fucking big man now, Dylan?"
Dylan couldn't answer. Harper's vicious attack had left his jaw broken, his face bruised and bleeding, and he'd cracked his skull on his original fall.
"Suck on this you over-sexed bastard," Harper said, jamming Dylan's own forcelance in his mouth.
"Hey, Rommie, I think I'm coming!" he yelled, pulling the trigger.
Dylan's remaining vital signs plummeted to zero. "Harper... you just killed Dylan," Rommie said, shocked, and more than a little frightened.
"Yeah, well, at least I don't have to add those obedience subroutines to your avatar like Dylan ordered. I'm going back to work. Tell Tyr I borrowed 'Mr. Pookers'. He'll know what I mean."
Th'end