++++
"What is it!?" Dylan said as he caught up to Harper, running through the *Andromeda's* corridor.
"Beats me," Harper said. "I been workin' on the damage from who were they, Fish Pride's -- "
"Orca Pride, Mr. Harper, and whales are not fish."
"Yeah, well, whatever, and all the alarms go off. You tell me, Boss."
They arrived at a cabin door, to find Beka, Tyr, Trance, and Rev already there.
"Situation," Dylan said.
"You tell me," Beka said.
"The ship will only allow 'authorized personnel' in there," Tyr said.
"In a crew cabin?" Dylan said, puzzled. "Andromeda. Who is authorized to enter this cabin?"
"CO Dylan Hunt; Acting Chief Engineer Seamus Harper," the ship's voice answered. "All other personnel locked out."
"Who initiated the lockout?"
"XMC AI 10-284 Andromeda Ascendant."
"Rommie's lockin' us out?" Beka muttered under her breath.
"Andromeda," Dylan said. He'd had a long day, and was in no mood for crap from anybody, not even his ship. "Disengage lockout."
"Unable to comply," Andromeda answered. "Level two lockout in place pending inspection by CO and acting chief engineer."
"Meaning .... what?" Beka said.
"Meaning only an Admiral can disengage this."
"You are the last living High Guard officer," Tyr said. "Technically, at the top of the chain of command. Surely, your access code will do it."
"Yeah, whaddya say Rom Doll?" Harper asked.
"Unable to comply," the ship said. "Level two lockout in effect."
"She's normally not this terse .... " Dylan mused. "Could you all .... please ..... ?"
"C'mon, gang," Beka said. Tyr, Trance, and Rev followed her down the hall.
"Mr. Harper ..... ?"
They found the room dark, someone's clothes were piled neatly on the bed. The lights were flickering in the bathroom. Dylan motioned Harper to stay behind him as he advanced into the room ....
.... and froze.
"Harper!"
Harper came forward and his jaw dropped. There, naked in the tub, one arm dangling over the side, was Rommie, the humanoid ship's avatar Harper had recently constructed.
"Rommie .... Harper, what's wrong with her?"
Harper passed a scanner over the limp (and, Dylan couldn't help but notice again, anatomically correct form). "I don't get it, Boss. She's in shutdown; all her fuses blew." Harper slipped the scanner back into his control belt. "Looks like she was electrocuted."
****
Once Dylan and Harper got the limp android back to Harper's favorite machine shop, the ship's AI was a little more forthcoming about what had happened ..... though not by much.
"So .... you decided that to enjoy what Harper called the 'full experience of a human woman,' that your humanoid body should take a bath," Dylan said.
"Essentially," Andromeda's hologram answered.
"And when she was in the bath, that's when she experienced a massive electrical short and closed down."
"This should not have happened," Harper said, fussing over a control panel. "Rommie's access panels are water- and air-tight; her skin's a biomechanical micro-chain-mail-mesh that acts like human skin, which *doesn't leak!* There's no way -- " Harper broke off, a cloud passing over his face. "No. No way. Only *I* could think of this -- "
"Think of what, Harper?" Dylan pressed.
"Andromeda," Harper said. "Status of subsystem C13-J."
"Waterlogged," the hologram said.
Harper squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back, screeching under his breath.
"Subsystem C ... " Dylan said.
"Her you-know-what!" Harper said.
"What?"
"The *thing!* Y'know, what little girls have? THAT'S where the water got in!"
"The specs say it is water resistant," the hologram said.
"That's not the same as water *proof,*" Harper said. "Probably should have expected that after it had been on a shelf for three hundred years." Harper pulled a dolly over to the work table Rommie was lying on and began to organize his tools. "Best bet is to pull that out and build a new unit from scratch, and get the job done right this time."
The fact that Harper was talking about Rommie's ... anatomy as if he were planning to recalibrate the fire control system didn't stop some odd, disturbing images from crossing Dylan's mind. His uniform felt very hot under the collar.
"Listen, uh .... " Dylan said, edging towards the door. "I'll leave you to it."
"You sure? I wouldn't mind if you stayed and -- "
"NO! No. You get to it, Harper."
Dylan couldn't have left faster if he'd run.
Harper frowned and shrugged it off; some people just got squeamish about android maintenance. He hadn't figured Dylan for that, though.
"Ok, Rom Doll, let's get started ..... "
*****
Even allowing for the time devoted to other repairs, it took Harper three days to repair the ship's avatar. When she was on her feet again, Harper lead her to the ship's mess hall; everyone was there.
"Well, there she is!" Beka said with a grin. "How do you .... uh, feel?"
"Actually, embarrassed," Rommie said. "I have no one to blame but myself for this."
"Well, you're all better now," Trance chirped.
"We all learn from our mistakes," Rev added.
Tyr just snorted.
"Why, Tyr," Rommie said. "I didn't know you cared."
"I don't."
"Exactly."
"Well, it's good to see you up and running again .... Rommie," Dylan said. "Ready to get back to work?"
"Actually, I think I could use a Sparky Cola."
Five faces (Tyr was studiously ignoring the proceedings) gawked at her.
"What?" Rommie said.
Harper managed not to shake in his boots as he got a can, opened it, and handed it to Rommie. Everyone (except Tyr) held their breath as Rommie brought the can to her lips .....
..... and pulled it away without taking a sip.
"On second thought," she said, "I'd best not take chances until after all my systems have been checked out, and I can find a pressing reason for this."
END