Author: Vesper
Fandom: Andromeda
Pairing: Harper/Dylan(sort of)
Rating: a mild R
Status: Complete, although I may write more later if I get the urge
Archive: yes
Feedback: silly question
E-mail: venskaill@angelfire.com
Disclaimer: I own nothing
After Jaeger
Harper lay on the bed and tried to block out the pain. He only had vague memories of what happened while the data from the Persied was in his head. All those terrifying images were gone now, along with the incredible knowledge that had, for a time, seemed like the answer to his prayers.
No, his head was back to its normal capacity now. That meant he had to deal with the messages his body was sending him. The pain in his head was bad, but the worst was the well remembered pain of his youth.
#Not again#
Harper closed his eyes and touched the burn on his neck, it stung: took the edge off the memories.
#Laughter#
#Pain#
#Humiliation#
Harper rubbed the burn, opening the blisters. His fingers trailed down and he felt with rising horror the teeth marks Jaeger had left deep in his neck. He wondered if he’d been conscious while Jaeger had used him. He certainly had no memory of it.
Not like the other times.
#Laughter#
#Fear#
#Shame#
#Please, not again#
"Harper?"
He jumped off the bed and scrambled to his feet, his body weak and clumsy from pain and exhaustion. Dylan was watching him.
"What?"
"How do you feel?"
Old defence mechanisms sprang into place: the grin, the attitude, the wall he hid behind.
"Like I should have had waaaay more fun to have to cope with a hangover like this. Please tell me that while in the throes of creative genius I built an army of love droids to service my every whim."
Dylan laughed. "No such luck. You taught Rommie to speak French though."
"Ah, the language of love. How appreciative do you think she’ll be?"
Dylan raised an eyebrow, "Don’t get your hopes up."
"Story of my life."
Dylan looked uncomfortable. "How much do you remember about your time with Jaeger?"
Harper froze.
#Fear#
#Humiliation#
#He knows#
"I remember Beka cutting me down but that’s about it."
"There were some…injuries. I saw your medical scan after we downloaded the library."
"Yeah, Trance has filled me full of nanos and I’ll be fine. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m tired and I want…"
"…a shower?" Dylan finished.
#Shame#
#Anger#
"Good night Dylan." Harper said and headed for the door.
<+><+><+>
#Hands, teeth#
#Pain#
#Humiliation#
#Laughter#
#Hands on him, in him#
#Laughter#
Harper woke screaming. Again.
<+><+><+>
Harper could hear Dylan entering the workshop. He didn’t turn around.
"Harper?"
"What?"
"Do you want to talk about it."
"I have no idea what it is. Some sort of old Earth flier or something."
"I’m not talking about the X-1. I’m talking about what made you wake up screaming twice last night."
#Anger#
"Set Rommie to spy on me, huh?"
"Not spy: observe."
#Anger#
"Same thing."
"Harper I’m worried about you."
"Don’t be. I’m a big boy; I can cope with my own demons. I’ve done it before."
"You don’t have to do it alone."
#Humiliation#
#Anger#
"Maybe I want to. Maybe you should keep your attention on your own business. Maybe I don’t need any help from someone who thinks a hard life is no hot showers."
"Dammit Harper, turn around. I’m not going to talk to the back of your head."
"You don’t have to. You could leave."
Dylan grabbed Harper’s arm and swung him around.
#Fear#
#Humiliation#
#Anger#
Without consciously thinking about it Harper lashed out at Dylan. A quick punch to the face with his left as his right went to the knife he stopped carrying in his boot years ago.
Dylan evaded the punch and watched as Harper’s face showed the conflicting emotions roiling inside. A moment and the familiar wall of good humour had replaced the raw pain.
"Nice reactions Dylan. Not bad for a geezer of over 300."
"Do you want to tell me what that was all about."
"Hey, even us geniuses have cranky days. Sorry about the punch: reflex action."
"Punching friends?"
"Punching people who grab me from behind."
#Don’t think about that#
#Friends#
#Don’t think about that either#
"Reflexes like that are a conditioned response." Dylan said. "Learned behaviour, not instinct."
"300 years of being hunted by Magog and Nietzscheans will breed a self defence instinct in."
"I’m not just going to go away you know."
Harper sighed. "I know. You’re one of those people who have a compulsive need to fix things. I can relate to that. I just wish you hadn’t decided I was broken."
"You’re not broken, just…"
"…a little bent."
That earned Harper a small grin from Dylan. "That’s not what I was going to say"
"I know."
"Are you going to let me help fix things?"
Harper ran his hands through his hair. "Look Dylan, lots of bad stuff has happened to me. Most of it is in the past and that’s where I want it to stay. The…other stuff…I remember Jaeger catching up to me in the Maru and knocking me unconscious. I woke up chained to the doorframe. I don’t know what happened while I was out."
"You do know what happened. You just don’t remember it."
"For which I’m truly grateful."
"What about the nightmares?"
#Laughter#
#Fear#
#Pain#
"Old stuff. I’ll go away after a while."
"Talking about it might help."
"It won’t change what happened."
Dylan put his hand on Harper’s shoulder and squeezed gently.
Harper heaved a shuddering sigh and felt a tiny crack appear in his wall.
#Dylan is one of the good guys#
He let Dylan pull him into a hug.
#Dylan is one of the good guys#
The wall was still there but its foundations were weakened.
The End